WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

[Cindbelly]

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

I think you did the right thing. These parents need calling on this. There's a mum at school who does this all the time about school (and her ex-husband) - albeit on her personal Facebook page - but I feel really uncomfortable about it.

You have done the old equivalent of telling the head about school-gate gossip. No more. Nowadays gossip is done on sm, so can be screenshot instead of remembered and repeated.

But the same rules apply. If (as a parent) you complain about a teacher at the school gate, the person you complain to can tell the teacher. And often will. If your complaint is justified, it shouldn't matter if it's passed on.

I would ask the head to save the screenshots and delete your emails, and to ensure she doesn't directly forward your emails to anyone else. That would be the equivalent of her promising not to inform anyone who had passed the school-gate gossip to her.

I would have sent the screen shots as well. I genuinely think you did the right thing. No one needs that sort of back stabbing shit posted online, its not fair. Like others say its internet 101 isn't it. It whips people up into a frenzy and feeds the fire, its also not great "advertising" for the school. I can't help thinking if its about the school the head / school should have been added to be part of it keeping it all above board.
These sort of Facebook pages can be useful if used right.
No one deserves to go to work and have shit posted like that.

We had it fairly recently where the school sent a letter out telling parents off for what they were posting on social media and that they should approach the school with issues. Its now part of the "agreement" you sign with the school every year.... I am now wondering what was posted and how i missed it.

Snitches get stitches Cindbelly

Only joking. :o

Please, please, please don't worry about this. I doubt very much the head is going to make a big song and dance over this.

I'm sure she just wants to know what the hell is being said about her, wouldn't you?

If anyone asks just feign ignorance. Oh I deactivated the notifications on that group, or I didnt pay much attention as the issues discussed didnt affect us.

So if this had been a group of children posting spiteful shit about another child would those saying don't do anything still be saying the same?

I suspect not, but then as this is adults posting spiteful shit against teachers and the school then its apparently OK.

Yanbu I would have done the same in your shoes.

I work In a school, and agree you've done the right thing.

People should know better than to commit this toxic stuff to the internet and they sound best avoided.

Reaffirm with the head you do not want to be named as a 'source' then stop worrying, as if she has any sense she will handle this discreetly and tactfully. There's no way any head I've met would reveal they know this openly, they may speak to teachers informing them of problems for the teachers to address, but I can't imagine she'd walk up to these people openly and confront them! That shouldnt be how a professional handles this info.

Don't feel bad, be glad to be out of the group. Hold your head high and keep your distance from them.

I think YABU and the head was very unreasonable and unprofessional to ask you to do so.

The parents on the closed facebook group aren't doing anythinf 'wrong', even if you disagree with it. Even with screenshots, there's nothing the HT can do. I don't know what you hoped to achieve by sending them to her?

Ridiculous. Those people who are saying you shouldn't screen shot as it's a private group.. Respect privacy.. Bla bla bla. If you had a child of any age being bullied/ talked about in a private group chat by other classmates, would you honestly think it wrong to screen shot it and take it into the Head? If not- why is it different for adults slagging off other adults?

Anyone who thinks their private messages online are 100% private needs to have a serious talk with themselves.

You’ve behaved pretty badly and I would expect to be challenged in it at some point.

The group members who bitch are also behaving badly as is the head that has asked you to to inform.

Rightly or wrongly posting in a private group gives people a reasonable expectation of privacy. If you had a problem with content you should have raised that or left the group. Disclosing it to a third party was unreasonable.

Some mixed responses. To everyone who still feels the need to point out I was unreasonable I think we established that on page 1. And I’ve already said I feel awful now that I’ve stopped to think about it.
I will talk to the head tomorrow about the expectation of privacy and how I feel like I’ve breached that.

It is interesting though, how as parents raising children in this digital age we’ve got different ideas of the level of privacy we are entitled to when we post online. the irony this is on an online posting board is not lost on me

If it wasn't you, it might have been someone else: as someone said though, this is internet 101 for dummies.

If you wouldn't say it out loud in a packed playground, then don't put it on social media. Simples. They have a lesson to learn, don't they?

Good call on walking away from the group - I would too. Bullying set of idiots with too much time on their hands? Who can be arsed with all that?

I can't believe you screenshot to Head?
Snake.
You should have just left the group, if you didn't like their chat/what you consider to be bitchy.
You say that you kept being added? Really? I think not. Then you should have kept on leaving. Or talk to the admin and tell her you don't want to be included.

It's a closed group. Why shouldn't people talk privately, note not openly in Facebook, but privately, about things that are bothering them? Why can't you criticise the school's actions, in a closed group?

I wouldn't trust you again.

Yanbu and I would have done the same. The behaviour of the bullies should be challenged.

I once told a friend that I had seen pointed comments about him (not named but obviously about him) on fb by someone he was managing. He’s pretty robust so I shared the story as a joke.
A week later he asked if I would screen shot it to him because he felt like it was unprofessional and he was considering taking it further.
I refused. I think people are entitled to have a bit of a rant to their friends without it being used against them. Situations not exactly the same but similar principle. I wouldn’t act as The headteacher’s informant.

I’ve said I feel awful, not much I can do now is there?
I’m not a snake, I was asked by the head to provide information and foolishly agreed. These are year 6 pupils and although it’s a new group, I do think the parents should know better.
The group is the 2nd one that comes up in the Facebook search bar, under the official one.
And I left the group twice, and was re added twice. I’ve no reason to lie about that so why question it?

Sorry everyone, its been a long day and I’m tired and getting defensive.
I posted in AIBU - I knew what I was getting myself into.

I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. No Facebook group is private if people can do screenshots. The admin should know that, but has made her choices accordingly. It's her fault, not yours.

Fuck that. You weren't unreasonable at all. It was a page set up primarily by someone to bully and name call others. I would have sent her the screenshots too. How the hell are we supposed to teach our kids that this kind of behaviour is not on if we're too scared to call it out ourselves?? You did the right thing. Fuck the admin person, she's made her bed.

You did totally the right thing. The head won't tell the parent it was you. Definitely. I also think the head did the right thing asking you.
This sort of malicious posting is just wrong and needs shutting down. Please don't lose any sleep over it! What makes me laugh is if the school is that bad, why do they send their children there??!!!

YANBU. Don't feel bad OP, I honestly can't understand some of these responses, "snake" , sounds like the type of person who would take part in these groups.

I reported a Facebook post to the school once. The parent in question was making threats and I felt the school should be aware. They didn't ask me to screenshot anything but I had no qualms in informing them, as I didn't when a member of staff was overheard blatantly accusing parents of theft from the school (and the information she was using was incorrect anyway). If people are going to act like dicks, they have to be prepared for the consequences. It's their doing alone and they're even more thick as pigshit if it's done on SM.

I thought there was a difference between a FB closed group and a secret group.

Pp said all groups were public. That wasn't my understanding.

We tell children to be wary that anything they write on line may be shared beyond the intended audience. That absolutely does not mean that it’s acceptable to share material that people disclosed privately.

Your head sounds nuts. There is great truth in the phrase “what other people think of you is none of your business”. She has absolutely no right to try and infiltrate a private group.

I’m afraid you’re going to find yourself persona non grata over the coming months do I hope at least you like the head