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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

200 replies

Cindbelly · 14/12/2017 16:22

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

Thymeout · 15/12/2017 01:53

Op didn't draw her attention to it. The HT had already heard something was going on from another source. She was asking Op for her take on it since she was connected to the PTA and had been a long-time supporter of the school.

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats · 15/12/2017 02:07

I hate Facebook - something about it brings out the worst in people who the spend their time slagging off others. I think we all know when what has been posted has crossed a line.
You did exactly the right thing OP. You won’t be the only one of those 20 parents who felt what was posted was wrong, or who gave info to the Head.you are thinking too hard about this. Why worry that some unpleasant parent has been outed to the Head? You are not betraying a confidence; once it goes on social media you don’t have any control over it.
I have seen some shocking stuff said by parents about teachers! Stop worrying that you intervened and acted like a decent person- the ‘snakes’ are the ones posting horrid stuff in the first place! You were right to do wha5 you did. If it happened more often people wouldn’t post such stuff in the first place!
However, why didn’t you call out the bullies in the group during the Facebook chat and tell them they had crossed a line?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 02:24

She was asking the op to spy for her which she did. Requesting screenshots isn't 'asking for her take on it'.
The head was out of order as well.
Even if there were personal attacks it's no worse than you hear in the playground. Why does the op need to be involved because some parents don't like some of the staff. What exactly would have come of it?
I've never known anyone become ill from stress because some parents are moaning in an unspecified way in Facebook. Screenshots of personal attacks on the other hand could be quite upsetting. These are things that were never intended and are likely much crueler than the parents would say to the staff members face yet the op has decided to deliver them to the school???
Like I said pot stirring and brown nosing there's no other reason.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/12/2017 02:37

Wow! My thoughts go to the head teacher and teaching staff that are doing their job of preparing your children for the future, then they Read comments on their work from ungrateful parents. These people are professional but also human with feelings imagine having to deal with this in the workplace, it will have an effect on them for sure. It may even be considered bullying.

Cosmic123 · 15/12/2017 05:42

I think you absolutely did the right thing. How inappropriate to post things on Facebook like that. If something is that much of an issue then they should complain to the head and if they remain unhappy, escalate the matter to the board of governors etc. They sound like immature bullies and that's a terrible example to set to the children. And as for parent of the week or whatever...really? Wow. I'm so glad my daughter is in secondary school so I can escape the mummy Gestapo.

bastardkitty · 15/12/2017 05:57

Can you get arrested for breaching the privacy rules on FB pages then?

MammothMountain · 15/12/2017 06:27

I think you have done the right thing.

A school playground can be a nest of vipers and there is a huge difference between discussing a teacher and making nasty personal attacks on a teacher.

I think recently one head teacher asked for a FB group to change it's name because it looked like it was endorsed by the school and in it parents were referring to the head as certain celebrity who was a paedophile.

And these parents initially refused to remove their comments until legal action was threatened. So yes, I think these things need to be exposed when the parents are way out of line.

SunshineTheMonkey · 15/12/2017 06:39

Eek I think it's snakey but you were put in an awkward position.

We do get parents bringing in screenshots of social media but it's always the kids saying stuff, not parents.

OuaisMaisBon · 15/12/2017 07:15

CorbynsBumFlannel Where does the OP say that she was the one who drew the Head's attention to the group? It looks to me as if it was the admin of the group who told the Head about the issues and the group.
OP, I am with those who think you've done nothing wrong, it is the admin of the group and her cronies who are in the wrong.

Cannotwillnot · 15/12/2017 07:18

I think it was a breach of trust to show the messages to the Head Teacher. YABVU

ny20005 · 15/12/2017 07:27

I'd have done exactly the same as you !

There is no privacy online ! I can't abide the attitude that provoke can say what they like in a group & have no consequences

If you say it online, you mean it & should want the person it's about to see it

I'd remove myself from the group & try & figure out settings to stop being re- added

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2017 07:31

I think your right. It can be seen as slander what they are doing. Very difficult position you were in. They did sound very nasty.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2017 07:33

If they are making nasty and personal attacks on staff than it is serious, and seen as bullying and harassment

OuaisMaisBon · 15/12/2017 07:43

It might be seen as libel, as it's written down.

This has reminded me, a couple of years ago, I saw someone who shared something (an "oh, my gosh, this is ridiculous behaviour" rather than libel as such) in a large local FB group, mentioning no names either of school or teachers, but showing a photo of a homework book. Someone else in the same group went to the trouble of identifying the school and the teacher from the photo and took it to the school, and I believe the parent was unceremoniously told to remove her child from the school. To my mind, that parental behaviour was not half as bad as what the OP is talking about. (This was not in the UK, though, to clarify, and was a private school.)

bastardkitty · 15/12/2017 07:46

As well as being deeply unpleasant, it's also pretty stupid to publically slag off members of staff in a school that your children are attending. I lolled at the 'breach of trust' comment.

Adsss · 15/12/2017 07:59

I would have done the same. In fact I would probably have been higher up the "snake" list and been the one who warned the head that the situation was getting out of hand on the parent rumour mill and that they should actively try and remedy it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/12/2017 08:21

If your complaint is justified, it shouldn't matter if it's passed on.

I agree with this. Ime if someone kicks off about something they said getting back to the person it was about, its because they know they shouldnt have said it in the first place.

FrLukeDuke · 15/12/2017 08:25

if they were 12 yr olds posting nasty stuff about another 12 yr old that would be deemed by all as very wrong.......but apparently it's fine if they are adults being nasty about teachers...
That's a good point actually

PumpkinSquash · 15/12/2017 08:33

It's a closed group.Why can't you criticise the school's actions, in a closed group?

FFS, if you really don't know, then the internet isn't the place for you.
Clue yourself up a bit.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2017 12:52

Is this potentially libellous?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 14:57

The head may have be aware of the group. But she wasn't aware of the exact content if she wanted screenshots.
If the op was concerned with the content then she should have had the conviction to say in the group that she didn't feel it was appropriate rather than taking screenshots to the head for brownie points for herself.

bastardkitty · 15/12/2017 15:51

Don't you think people need to get a bit real about what 'closed group' means in the context of Facebook? It's not a confession booth. This is a closed group of people on a social media platform and most of them will barely know each other.

ferntwist · 15/12/2017 15:56

YANBU. What a bully the admin is. You did the right thing.

Branleuse · 15/12/2017 16:30

I dont think it was necessarily wrong for you to send the screen shots. You have a long standing relationship with the school and feel loyalty towards them. You were put in an impossible situation where neither option was good

PrincePooPoo · 15/12/2017 16:36

if they were 12 yr olds posting nasty stuff about another 12 yr old that would be deemed by all as very wrong.......but apparently it's fine if they are adults being nasty about teachers...

Neither is right but the difference is you can't actually police adult morality if they haven't done anything illegal. I can say AssholeFuckTitsWanker, smoke, drink, and have sex all I like, but it wouldn't be appropriate for a 12 year old and that's what parenting is. The head teacher isn't the parent here. They're annoyed that people are being assholes on the internet. Unless people are saying untrue things about the people in question or harassing them/threatening them being a dick is legal.

Mumsnet would implode is being rude about others were banned.

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