To be angry at photos at Nativity?

[MrsAnamCara]

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

Chimera246

That's not a compromise - are you an EU negotiator?

Its very simple - if you post a photo of this event that can be publicly be seen then your child is excluded - no discussion.

Since every child gets teased at some point for some reason, the additional end effect Imo is minor.

And that’s why you don’t get a say in what’s right for my child. You have no clue about the ongoing devastating effect on a child of the shitty start they probably had if they ended up being adopted.

Chimera246

Look, I suggest you find a school that manages to never take a photo - and I'll choose one that does. Lets leave it open for parents to choose the right setting for their children based on their needs and aspirations.

Choosing a school based on your aspiration to take a photo. 😂

Look, I suggest you find a school that manages to never take a photo

As I - and others - have repeatedly said, we have no problem with people taking photos. We have an issue with theses photos making their way to social media.

Thankfully I've found a school who insists images aren't posted on social media and we don't have an issue with it.

Could you address my question please about how, given the lack of knowledge around specifics of individual circumstances, you (or any one else) can accurately gauge the risk of harm?

We are allowed to film and video, it’s lovely to have records of it. I don’t post the videos on Facebook but I do show my friends and relatives when I see them (totally boring for the poor buggers!!))
If I pop a photo on Facebook I zoom in on my child and crop the others out. It’s sad not to have these precious memories recorded.

People are STILL tagging me into photos of my child that they took at Nativity and put up on Facebook despite being told at every performance not to. It comes up on that frigging time hop thingy and Mum I Barely Know will repost it with awww look 5 years ago Deplorabelle, Friend 1, Friend 2 and Person Who Has Moved Away Years Ago how cute!!!!

I never let them on my timeline but you can bet a couple of the tagees will. So a lot of people I don't know can see it with some helpful names to match up all the children.

Please don't do this presumptuous and potentially harmful thing.

Look, I suggest you find a school that manages to never take a photo

You mean basic safe guarding of your child? That’s a basic all schools should manage.
If it’s what’s needed to keep a child in my children’s class safe, I really don’t mind.

Usually, the schools state the photos taken are not to be posted on social media and are for family use only. I think that's reasonable. I try to keep only my child in shot but mostly there are one or two others on either side or behind. I really am not looking at the other children in the photo or video as it's just a reminder to me of a special time in my child's life; I'm not paying attention to anyone else in shot and I wouldn't dream of putting it on facebook or whatever. I would be very sad if there was a blanket rule that stated I couldn't video my child singing in a special production at such a magical stage of their life.

Good heavens, are there parents out there whose children's happiness and enjoyment of magical stages would not be affected if a classmate, or a classmate's mum, was abducted and murdered?

My ds' sports coach was murdered by her boyfriend. It traumatised ds. Took him years to get over the shock. It's affected his whole outlook on humanity: I can still see traces of that in him 11 years later. And yes, he wasn't meant to find out. But he did. There aren't enough magical videos in the world to make up for that.

And that's assuming anyone is so selfish they don't care about the other child at all.

Yes, it would be great if parents could be trusted not to put stuff on social media. But as at least one posters has made very clear, parents can't be trusted in this way.

in our school we are allowed but not to put up on social media if other children are in said photo gd in preschool does not do anything thing at christmas

Chimera246

I would look into what other risks you are willing to take.

For instance if you allow your child to be in other situations where a photograph could be taken, then I would recognise that it is not a significant risk. If for instance you walk down the street where other people could take a photo, then the risk of photos on the internet are not significant enough.

I would also realise that you would take the time to request other parents to take particular measures - otherwise it would be unreasonable for unknowns to be taken into account; and I'd realise if other parents did not want to to, you would change your own circumstances.

In the same way, I wouldn't rely on others to deviate form society norms - I'd manage it.

ElfOneself

As indicated already, that is a blunt instrument that deprives other people's needs. And before you start - you don't know of other people's needs - maybe nan is on her deathbed and will never see DGC again.

It's perfectly possible to compromise as other schools have done and still achieve safeguarding - but of course lets let the special case deprive everyone else of normal activities.

Would you also prevent everyone playing in the snow if one child had brittle bones? Or would you expect something else to happen?

This is such a depressing thread. Poster after poster either not RTFT or (worse) reading it and still posting shite like "it's all blown out of proportion, nothing will happen to your kid!"

Do these posters also send their kids into school with a bag of peanuts for lunch, despite there being a ban because of fellow pupils with a nut allergy? Because, you know, people make such a fuss about nuts, and it wasn't like this when I was at school, and Johnny really loves peanuts so why shouldn't he have them?

I have always been of the "it takes a village" mentality: I have stopped children running into the road; I have picked up the child who fell off the slide when their parents were at the top and couldn't get right to them; I've pulled the dropped toy out of the pond; I've handed over the last of my baby wipes to someone dealing with a poonami; I've walked a lost child over to security rather than leave them walking around a shopping centre.... And I reckon most normal people have done the same, that's not heroic, it's just being a decent human, right?

And anyone posting that they can't see why a child would want to keep the fact that they are adopted as personal information... I'm hoping that it is just ignorance, rather than knowledge of what modern adoption actually means.

And the poster who is a teacher but thinks that there shouldn't be a problem here? Shame on you. You have no excuse for your ignorance. Go and talk to your safeguarding lead on Monday and get yourself educated.

Olennas This is such a depressing thread. Poster after poster either not RTFT or (worse) reading it and still posting shite like "it's all blown out of proportion, nothing will happen to your kid!"^

^^This.

Does my child really not have the right to take part in a school show knowing their privacy will be safeguarded, just because some other parent feels its OK to ignore the school's rules and posts on facebook?

It is these selfish parents who will end up in their being complete bans on photos at events. And surprising as it may seem, us adopted parents quite like having photos too (even more perhaps, as we will have missed out on many 'firsts' so don't even have the memories that these selfish parents have ).

Having read this thread one thing don't get is the walking down street photo risk. Surely that's less likely to be so identifying. Could be any street and any place

Whereas Nativity photos posted on Facebook may be tagged with other parents.. Have location up or in the title if people don't think. It's not hard to go though profiles to see a link if determined enough especially with the back to school uniform photos people put up.

Not that all parents put them up but there's always that risk one would think nahhhhh no harm down it's my right why shouldn't I..

This has been a very thought provoking thread, and I definitely understand the concerns expressed. I've just come back from the gymnastics display at my DDs' gymnastics club (my DD2 chose to go to a party instead so I was there with DD1 (8). I was shocked to see that parents were just able to record or take pictures of proceedings with no mention at all about not posting anything on social media. A lot of the costumes have the logo of the club, with the location, emblazoned on their leotards, so it's obvious where they're located as well.

My DDs are adopted and I am nervous now, worrying that those DVDs could be posted online. Because while there is the odd idiot who would refuse to listen to a clear instruction not to post anything on social media, if there is no such warning then a lot of parents won't even think about the implications at all.

I'm nervous because their birth parents live in the same city and they have been receiving photos of our DDs every year as per the contact agreement.

And obviously there are children who are far more vulnerable than ours and they should be able to participate in displays like the one my DD was in today, without their safety, and their family's safety being compromised.

Having read this thread one thing don't get is the walking down street photo risk. Surely that's less likely to be so identifying. Could be any street and any place

Exactly. A school is way more of an issue as it gives the location of the child every single term day, plus where they will be just before drop off or after pick up.

Does my child really not have the right to take part in a school show knowing their privacy will be safeguarded, just because some other parent feels its OK to ignore the school's rules and posts on facebook?

Apparently not. They can sit to the side on a big bench labelled "outcasts", along with any child with a disabilty (it's such a pain having a wheelchair ramp onto the stage, and no-one else understands sign language); any child who doesn't speak English very well (it's so hard to understand what they are saying in the group bits); any child who isn't pitch perfect (their singing would ruin the soundtrack to the Precious Bubs Nativity Film); any child who is a bit too tall (can't get them in the group shot very well); any child who is too short (ditto); any child who is a bit shy (we can't hear what they are saying from the back row); any child who isn't Christian (it's not their nativity anyway); any child who can't afford a proper costume (if they can't make the effort, they shouldn't be allowed to ruin the look of the production); any child who needs prompting from the sides (they clearly can't be bothered to learn their lines, the teacher whispering is very off putting for everyone else), and frankly anyone else who might ruin the performance for everyone else.... Not that many children are left....

Well my schools photos have now been uploaded on the website

Some children blurred, but same children appearing in other shots, clearly.

Even the bloody school can’t do a good job of it

When my DS started school in September.
We had to sign a consent form to allow them to be photographed or video recorded for either the new Prospectus,Website or other social media.

Sadly, at both his Christmas Show and then the carol concert the day after, it specified on the tickets no filming or photos at either event.

However, They broke up for Christmas holidays yesterday, and in his book bag was a photo of him in his Christmas show costume.
I was delighted to have that.

For instance if you allow your child to be in other situations where a photograph could be taken, then I would recognise that it is not a significant risk. If for instance you walk down the street where other people could take a photo, then the risk of photos on the internet are not significant enough.

🙄🙄

You're grasping at straws.

A street could, most of the time, be any street, anywhere as previous people have said. Or could be somewhere I've visited.

A school play, where another child who is known to my children's birth parents is the main focus, but my DC is in the background ties my child to that same school, at that same address, at that same time.

The two are as different as apples and lorries.

Lizzie- it’s pretty mich expected that such events are videod and photographed.

The club, however, should have a safeguarding officer. If your child is at risk you need to discuss your options with the sg officer, and probably the head coach.

Between the 3 of you you can decide the best option for your child. Some clubs will ask that you withdraw the child from comps and displays if you feel their safety is compromised. Others will shut down all photos so your child can take part. Often they will arrange an official photographer so they can carefully control the images released.

Again though, when you join up there should be a permission form for photos so this should be adressed before you sign up.

Lizzie- it’s pretty mich expected that such events are videod and photographed.

The club, however, should have a safeguarding officer. If your child is at risk you need to discuss your options with the sg officer, and probably the head coach.

Between the 3 of you you can decide the best option for your child. Some clubs will ask that you withdraw the child from comps and displays if you feel their safety is compromised. Others will shut down all photos so your child can take part. Often they will arrange an official photographer so they can carefully control the images released.

Again though, when you join up there should be a permission form for photos so this should be adressed before you sign up.