To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

[Whyisnothingeasy]

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

My sister trained 40 years ago and that doesn't sound right at all!

I don't think her age has anything to do with it (nor should be a get out of jail free card). My 4yo dss teacher is around late 50s early 60s (with a very long grey ponytail) and is one of the loveliest, warmest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She always has time for the children in her care (so much so that the they quite literally have their faces pressed against the window of the classroom door in excitement waiting to be let in in the morning).

This teacher though sounds rude. To brush off a little girl who is trying to give her a present chosen with such care is cruel.

Combined with her other behaviour and the back up of other parents I would absolutely complain.

I dont think the op was saying that she is a grump because she is older, just assumed that because she is older she was more experienced and therefore used to dealing with little children. I'm far less grumpy these days (generally).

As my (other) sister said when called 'a grumpy an old bag' "hey, less of the 'old!

@Fekko Did she get arrested for remarking on the alleged hirsuteness of the... um...
." caller" ? ( no other descriptions being available and terms and conditions apply)

Vile!! We have one teaching assistant like it a DD's school. Why the hell would you get a job in a school if you're that miserable, surely there are other employment options. Personally I'm not a kid person myself either I certainly wouldn't get a job working with them but I couldn't be rude to them either!!

It was one of my (many) other sisters who called her that 😁

That behaviour whatever age, is rude and nasty.

Erm, lots of the teachers at the primary school I'm involved with are in their late 40s and 50s and none of them seem to have been trained in the 'snarling at children' system.

I have read the full thread - not sure if that comment by Traffig was aimed at me. I will continue to find 'older lady' judgemental - both the use of 'older', as it suggests that her age has something to do with her behaviour, and the use of 'lady', as I find it demeaning and patronising. I understand other people won't feel the same about the word 'lady', but its connotations are very different from those of the word 'woman'.

For us to understand the post, we didn't need to know anything about the woman's age, as the OP mainly referred to her as Mrs Grumpy which was differentiation enough.

Gosh, some people must be a little bit stupid if they can't see that age was used as a descriptor.

From someone who describes themself as an older, disabled teacher.

Not sure whether anyone is 'stupid', though I would suggest some people are being deliberately obtuse. It's clear the word 'older' has been used as a descriptor. The point that some of us were making is that it's an unnecessary descriptor. Just as a previous poster pointed out, 'black' or 'obese' would also have been unnecessary descriptors. We weren't picking this woman out of an identity parade. We had all the details we needed provided to us in the OP's description of her behaviour.

And she sounds horrible. And I wouldn't want her working with my children either.

And Mrs Grumpy sounds awful and should be reported to the Headteacher. And continue to be reported until something is done about her.

By law there has to be a member of the management team (whether that be manager/proprietor/deputy/room leader/supervisor) who ever is key holder on site at all times OP, I'm beginning to thinking it's not just the lady in question who needs a good Stern talking to but the management need a lesson in running a nursery too x

There was an "acting deputy manager" on duty. But she's only been covering the position for sick leave for the last week so wasn't sure whether to go to her or not. Also this may be outing, but the preschool is in part of a much larger building (think preschools in leisure centres or community centres) so not sure there had to be a key holder on premises.
They have an email address for the Preschool as a whole e.g. Sunnyside pre school @ blah . com (not the real name) but I'm not sure who gets to see that and whether it's read during the school holidays so don't really want to email that address in case Mrs Grumpy can access it so it looks like it will have to wait until January.

Also it seems like dd is over the trauma, or has bounced back anyway. She said on the way home "all the ladies liked my chocolates didn't they" (the kids call them ladies as they're not really teachers but nursery nurses and are called by their first names, hence me referring to them as the ladies) In fact when one of the other children tried to take a box of chocolates off of my dd one of them stepped in and said "no sweetheart, those are for the ladies" so they refer to themselves as ladies too!
Anyway the other "ladies" obviously made enough of a fuss of her "lovely gift" to make her forget about Mrs Grumpy. I'm glad she's bounced back quicker than I have anyway.

"when a child gives you a gift, even if it is a rock they just picked up, exude gratitude. it may be the only thing they have to give, and they have chosen to give it to you"

Dean Jackson

You should present the rude woman with this quote.

Onto how is calling someone a lady demeaning?? The worlds gone mad!!!!

I don't think it's ok for management to say oh just take notice, it's just how she is, that is simply not acceptable at all

For fuck's sake, I have never known so many moany ranty people on one thread before.

So the OP called the (miserable) teacher an older lady! So what?! If the OP is youngish (like 30, am guessing,) 50 IS older. FFS, people do love to moan, don't they?!

And now calling women LADIES is a fucking insult? Jeeeeeeez!

OP, all you need say to your poor little daughter is 'the teacher was having a bad day and was in a grumpy mood. Like the grinch or scrooge she is grumpy sometimes.' Bless her little heart getting so upset! However, I guess she has to learn eventually that not everyone is nice all the time. Better that she learns it a bit older, but she does need to know that people can be shitty sometimes.

Thing is, she has you for a mother @whyisnothingeasy so she will be fine.

Give her a hug and let her know most people are nice, most of the time, but sometimes people can be rude, and she should not take it personally.

I remember my cousin's little girl going up to this woman and her partner when she and my cousin went for a summer walk. She handed this woman a handful of daisies and said 'pressie for you.' The woman (about 40,) said 'no thank you, I hate flowers!' and turned her back.

Thing is, some people are twats sometimes. It's a shame, but they are.

The teacher should not have been like this though. She is meant to like children isn't she? At least a bit!

It's not on that this nursery employs staff like this. Get the other mothers organised and write a joint letter to the person who is in charge and get this woman sacked.

Er... I think our kids are more resilient than OP assumes, or can be taught to be more resilient. A bit of "Oh dear, Ms. Smith is a bit busy but let's show your lovely chocolates to Ms Jones instead" would be in order. Don't make one grumpy person so important.

World is full of abrupt people, this is an opportunity to teach our kids not to get upset by them.

--Advice from a 50yo who has learnt not to rise to silly bait.

*"Forget the age thing; the OP is just trying to differentiate the ogress from the nice ones."

Replace "older" with "black" Or "disabled" .Just trying to differentiate*

Utterly ridiculous comparison.

Having teenagers myself i would be just as annoyed by someone saying someone is rude because they're a teenager. Absolutely no need to mention her age

OP never implied the nursery worker was rude because of her age. Please stop making things up now.

Sigh

GetOut I totally agree

Nothing to do with age she's just plain rude.
I trained to work with kids back in the very late 70's they would have been horrified at college I trained at, if we had treated the children that way. We had to give our full attention to them when they arrived at nursery, they would arrive full of some exciting news they needed to tell you, and our job was to listen to it.
I'd say something straight to her face if she pulled that stunt again. Call her on her rudeness and ask why in heck do you bother to work with children if you dislike them so much? Go get a job somewhere else and stop being so dam rude.