To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

[Whyisnothingeasy]

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

Rude!! Why do people like this work with children?

Honestly, I would meet with the other parents and demand a meeting wuth the manager and demand that she change her attitude or leave.

I had a teacher like that and I still remember the feeling of dread. If she doesn't like her job she needs to leave, she is dealing with children not files. It is one thing to learn that some people are cranky and rude when they are people you see 5 minites, not when it is the person in charge of your well being all day. Would the manager who say it is just the way she is tolarate and rude cranky boss making her life miserable?

There's one other preschool but not sure it has spaces.
All of her friends go to her preschool and she's been there since she was 2 and is settled.
I almost feel like I shouldn't have to leave because of the behaviour of a grown woman.
For the past 2 weeks we've had a daily countdown from this lady to the end of term as apparently she "can't wait" to have 2 weeks off work.

YANBU. She should be fired.

There was a dinner lady at my primary school like that. Never smiled, shouted at the kids, just really really unpleasant. Been there for years and was put up with because "thats just how she is" "shes had a hard life" . Ancient inept head was replaced by newcomer, who fired her within the month. Quite right too.

Good point lemon, I would make a complaint

She sounds a right bitch. I would mention it to the manager, and for every other twatty thing she does.

"she's been pooing for England today and quite honestly I'm sick of being in that toilet with her"

She is in the wrong job.

@notangelinajolie I was highly tempted to just ignore your post. But giving out "daft presents" is to show my appreciation for the ladies that look after my daughter so I can go to work. I think it's generally the done thing isn't it? To say thank you.
They also received a joint card thanking them for their hard work.
I'm sorry you think a present is "daft" but quite frankly it was all I could afford and is it not the thought that counts?

I would normally advise cutting some slack to teachers and child care professionals as they do a tough job with little thanks but in this instance I would be up there like a bullet and having it out with her face to face. There is absolutely no excuse for speaking that way to anyone let alone a four year old child giving a gift. What an utter bitch. Fuming for you really. As its the last day though and you wont have the opportunity to see her, I would write a formal letter of complaint to her manager and insists she is repremanded. It sounds like she has received complaints before which makes me wonder why she is still employed there. Is she related to the manager or something. Incidently, I'm 50 and amused at the umbridge taken by some at being called older. I dont mind. Just dont call me old. In short, I would play it down with DD but on the quiet be complaining strongly to the pre school.

I think this is entirely rude and you should bring it up with management if you don't feel able to do with her directly (or think by going direct won't achieve anything other than confrontation).

But going from past examples you've given, the management seem unlikely to do anything.

In your position I probably would have said something at the time about how it's rude to refuse a gift so ungraciously (I appreciate you have no time machine however!). But I would definitely speak to my daughter and tell her how the woman was rude in the instance and it was nothing she did.

I would complain. You don't need to mention this particular incident specifically, just say that there have been a few occasions when she has spoken sharply and dismissively to your daughter and it has made her nervous about attending. I'd also see if other parents' who've experienced similar could air their feelings as well.

This lady obviously doesn't cope with stress very well. If she feels stressed she is rude and dismissive. That's not the kind of personality that's suited to a role where she is employed to care for children. I've no doubt that the other staff are well aware she is not very suited to the role. It's very hard to discipline or address such behaviours though, particularly if 'customers' (for want of a more appropriate word) do not make complaints when they see these behaviours.

The managing staff are obviously not managing her very well either, because they should be addressing this kind of behaviour, particularly if it happens as frequently as you suggest (as other parents have noticed things).

She sounds horrible and the other staff probably hate having her there but can’t get rid of her. It wasn’t personal to your dd though, she just sounds miserable. Say something directly to her if there’s a next time. she’s probably not used to that and would maybe think twice the next time.

What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it.

Older lady

FFS! I'm nearly 50, I'm not an OLDER LADY!

She was - and is - a RUDE WOMAN.

You should have said something there and then tbh.

I really don't get the outrage about mentioning the woman's age.

I took "older lady" to mean that she was the oldest staff member and by mentioning that this woman is 50, OP is suggesting that she has been in her career long enough to know better.

Why someone who appears to hate children so much has worked in a preschool for three decades is beyond me.

Definitely take it up with the manager. That's terrible! Your poor DD. I hate seeing their faces crumpling in situations like that. It's so unnecessary.

She sounds a bit like notangelinajolie. Utterly rude and contemptible. How could you disappoint a little child like that. I know how excited they get about giving presents. Poor little girl. I hope she has bounced back.

She was rude. But why the fuck the ageism?

"she's been pining all morning like she's just become an orphan" I'm so sorry that really made me laugh!

I'd probably have replied "That's OK [sing] The sun will come out tomorrow"

Literally don't know how many more times I need to say this!
Age was mentioned to show that she was an experienced staff member, not a young apprentice who may not know how to accept a gift from a small child.
Age was to explain that she had been working in childcare for 30 years.
Age was to explain that she's old enough to know better.
Age was not explained to be ageist.

No, that's rude and I would absolutely complain. It's not about being grumpy, it's about not modelling appropriate kindness and gratitude to a child in a setting where they are there to learn these sorts of social norms to prepare them for school.

I think your best bet,is get together wiht other parents.And then present yourself to the manager.She cant ignore all of you.Especially if you are all going to pull out of the school.[You dont have too,but she doesnt have to know this]

The manager doesnt sound great either.

'Age was mentioned to show that she was an experienced staff member, not a young apprentice who may not know how to accept a gift from a small child. '

I get it op, not sure why others don't.

There are rude intolerant people everywhere, who knows why you'd work with young dc if you were a bit of a bat. I'd let it go this time but keep an eye, ask her not to be so rude next time.

It makes me so angry when people excuse their own, or other people's shitty behaviour with "it's just my way" or "that's just what s/he's like".

If people are rude and horrible to the extent that they upset other, then they SHOULD CHANGE THEIR "WAY".

And I'll bet my eye teeth that she wouldn't like it if someone brushed her off in such an ill-mannered way. People who "are just like that" are the only one's allowed to have a "way".They expect everyone else to be nice to them and put up with their nastiness.

She's a bitch disappointing a young child like that. I would tell her(and the head teacher) what I thoughtIf you're afraid she will scapegoat your DD (and she sounds they type), save it up until DD leaves or this Horrible Woman retires, then let her have it with both barrels.

All ladies lovely apart from one older lady

There you go OP, removed your agism right there.

don't care what you are saying NOW... your post mentioned Older Lady and 50 year old.

Irrelevant to the story, completely.

Us "Older Women' are able to spot BS when we see it.

The woman was rude. Deal with it on that front, not on any other. It doesn't matter if she was 20 or 90, she was rude. there is no excuse to be mean to a 4 year old, and no excuse ever to be ungrateful for a gift.

Yep she was rude.
But. you also said this

Was trying to cut her some slack if she's a bit older then she may be struggling to run around after 30 x 3 and 4 year olds.

which is laughable, have you met many 50 year olds?
They are hardly infirm little old ladies, which is what 'older lady' means to me. 'Struggling' really?

Oh I'd missed that Miaow

Fucks sake.