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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

202 replies

Whyisnothingeasy · 14/12/2017 12:56

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

OP posts:
storynanny · 14/12/2017 14:19

You need to make written complaints and ask for a reply. No action would be taken against mrs Grumpy by just verbal complaints. Best to specify particular incidents of rudeness etc eg the lack of confidentiality.
Is it run by the manager, council, are there governors? They should have a complaints policy.
It is unacceptable ( mrs notgrumpy but very old teacher here)

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2017 14:19

Does the word "experienced" have too many syllables? She could be "older" and "50" and new to childcare.

She sounds horrible. Complain.

Charmatt · 14/12/2017 14:19

It's not obligatory to give her a present so I wouldn't bother for her next time. To be honest, it devalues the presents that are a 'thank you' to the workers who are professional and show they care about your daughter.

Until July, I worked in a pre-school and we had no problem with parents choosing to give a gift to certain workers but not to all. It showed that parents felt that the relationship between their child and one or two of the ladies was special and valued.

If I could re-live it for you, I'd have taken them back and let your daughter have them later, and left her without a present at all!

I agree with the woman - her attitude means she is too old for it and she should leave.

MrRayaUmasTurban · 14/12/2017 14:21

I understand your meaning, OP, re: age.

I would not have my child at that school, and would complain. Children remember these things, and there's no excuse. My mother has five children and is a former early years practitioner. She would never behave like this, even in her late 70s.

MiaowMix · 14/12/2017 14:22

Hissy I know, it's all a bit disingenuous I think.

And I probably wouldn't have given her a present if she's so unpleasant.

LadyRoughDiamond · 14/12/2017 14:23

As a nursery teacher, shes supposed to be setting an example as to how to behave. OK, so no-one's perfect, but as you say this is a regular thing I think its worth raising higher up. Highly unprofessional.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/12/2017 14:23

BTW - I am 64 and I love chocolate. Truffles are my favourite. Not hinting or anything, but if there's couple going begging

As others have said, she may have an awful, unhappy home life. I've been there - I went to work and it was a joy to get out of the house - I certainly didn't take my misery with me.

I've also felt unwell and been a bit short with people on occasion - and hen this has happened (not often - I've got to be really poorly to be a cow) I have apologised for my bad attitude and rudeness.

There is no excuse for her being so consistently unkind. (TBH I thought you had mentioned that sh was older because she may have had different training and been a bit "old school".

I'm well over fifty and don't find your comment inappropriate.

FireCracker2 · 14/12/2017 14:23

She hates the job , but doesn't really know what else to do.I think working at the sharp-end of pre-school education has changed immeasurably over the last 30 yaers .Admin, rules, guidelines, parental expectations.
I can underdatnd if you have complained about her in the past (have you?) and are moaning about her to other parents (you admit) she probably does not like you and does not want to act all grateful and thankful for some token gift.

Original poster
Whyisnothingeasy · 14/12/2017 14:24

If anything she's the one that mentions her age as I mentioned earlier when she complains "I'm too old for this hassle"
So if she considers she's too old to cope with the job and brings it up on a regular basis to parents then I think it is relevant.
She's obviously struggling coping with it all after hearing her moaning.
And yes some 50 year olds are exceptionally fit, and some 50 year olds will moan that they are too old to be dealing with the "hassle"
Everyone is different, but as she moans about being too old for the job then yes I think it is relevant.
Anyway it's a private pre school, not attached to a school and not Council run. It does have governors though so I suppose I could always speak to them. Will try the manager first though.

OP posts:
Charmatt · 14/12/2017 14:24

And I took the description of her as explaining that she was older than the rest of the staff. Anyway, her attitude probably makes her seem older than she is!

mumof2sarah · 14/12/2017 14:25

I've worked with that age children for 15 years and can safely say if any of my team spoke to the children or parents the way this lady has id have been having a room supervisor word with her and passing it on to management too! The fact she didn't even take the present from you and just say thanks then put it down somewhere for now if she was busy is beyond me! And as for the management having to ring parents and apologise that should show she should have been on warnings by now. I'd speak to management just explain what it did to your daughter this morning and also mention the other comments made regarding the pooing and the naming of other children. Explain that you're not happy at all if she's naming another child for their misbahviours etc you don't know what she's saying about your own, she breaking every confidentiality thing there! I'm absolutely fuming for you and heartbroken in the fact that someone who you trust with your child can treat them and you like that. Our team thrive on treating the room like a family and if that means taking a moment out to say thank you to a parent and the child for something so lovely then that's what you do! It's teaching a child about manners too. Please speak to management OP xxx

Original poster
Whyisnothingeasy · 14/12/2017 14:26

And no I've not complained before. I probably should have, but after hearing about my friends phone call from the manager I kind of figured that complaining wouldn't achieve anything anyway.

OP posts:
Jux · 14/12/2017 14:26

Complain complain complain.

Who is the governing body? LEA, Council? Complain to them. I don’t think people like that should work in child care at all, nor in schools.

She needs to do something else.

martinkhing · 14/12/2017 14:26

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Whyisnothingeasy · 14/12/2017 14:29

@mumof2sarah your preschool sounds amazing.
If this woman wasn't there then I think our preschool would be too.
They do so many lovely things with the children and they have great opportunities.
Just this lady letting the preschool down.

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 14/12/2017 14:30

The over sensitivity about ageism on this board is bonkers! If you even mention in passing anyones age you are leapt on by zealots! 50 is older in this context as many staff at nursery/ pre-schools are really young.

Doubletrouble42 · 14/12/2017 14:30

Basically she's a tosser who's in the wrong job.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/12/2017 14:32

Yes she was rude. If you complain about her to pre-school, don't mention her age, it'll lose you the moral high-ground.

mumof2sarah · 14/12/2017 14:32

**i also don't see why people are turning on the OP I can see why she brought up the age thing within the post as it seems the lady uses the excuse she's too old for it herself. I have worked with 3 ladies around 50 years of age, 1 of which was completely fed up and bored of the job she's done for years but was still absolutely amazing with the children and left her moaning (all lightheartedness and never nasty about the kids) for the staff room or tidy up, one who again worked for many years in same job and still loved and was as enthusiastic as ever and one lady who was 52 and struggled to keep up with the kids and the activities, she openly admitted she was "too old for this shit" (again not in child's ear shot) she did seem fed up ALOT and was very quiet but still answered and spoke to the children and parents with manners and respect. It seems to me OP has ended up with the one out of a hundred bad egg and I hope management will realise that soon x

fzpotts · 14/12/2017 14:33

martinkhing post reported.

OP in your position I think I would definitely speak to the nursery. If she's like this in front of parents what is she like when alone with the children?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/12/2017 14:33

I've reported it, too fz

Lionnesss · 14/12/2017 14:34

50 is old 😂 sorry cldnt help myself everyone going on about age

Doubletrouble42 · 14/12/2017 14:35

I've reported it too. That's my first!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/12/2017 14:36

@Lioness. Stop being so bloody rude! Reported.

Doubletrouble42 · 14/12/2017 14:36

I'm 43 and that's well old Wink

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