To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

[Whyisnothingeasy]

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

Speak to the manager and make a complaint! This seem to be a pattern of rude behaviour

OP you say you've heard a few other parents finding this same lady rude etc. Perhaps it would be worth writing a letter to the governors and management and have all parents sign to show you are all feeling the same and it's putting you off keeping your children within the pre-school. Explain you would just like this lady to be more respectful and kind to the children and then you'd be happy. That way it doesn't look like you're all gunning for her kind of thing (which I can see you're not) but you do prefer if something is done x

I think its disgusting really, that woman should not be working with children with her attitude. The pre school will loose a lot of children, if this woman continues to be there, so they better sit up and listen. I would make a complaint to the manager, in writing and person. You do not treat anybody like that, its awful.

Look at it as a lesson for your dd that not all people are nice, not all people are greatful and not all people deserve truffles. I hope your dd kept them and ate them.

She was very rude, but, even worse, she’s 50 😮 just horrifying, op

Next time, when leaving say, get all the other teachers presents, accept her, she does not deserve them.

It was a joke no one on mumsnet can take a joke ur all so serious obviously 50 isn't old thts why I said it to make a joke ov it

Why is everyone jumping on the fact that the OP mentioned age? Is there a race to the bottom to be the most rude about anything you find to be even remotely politically incorrect?

I found the age to be relevant - the nursery worker should be old enough to have manners and will have worked with children long enough to know how to accept any present gracefully.

Yesterday I gratefully accepted biscuits and chocolate I will never eat, - one box contained ingredients which would have me on a life support machine before you could say "Merry Christmas" - and a handmade card so laden with glitter that it could ruin entire oceans. But who cares, the children giving them were excited and got a hug and a smile from me. I'm considerably older than the grumpy nursery worker too.

" to then learn she is 50. That’s middle aged."

Middle aged?

Even that sounds like an insult somehow!

I'm in my 50s & in my prime!

She was very rude and unkind.

I would talk to the manager.

As a childcare provider and Nanny!! That is unacceptable and old fashioned behaviour. Complain this women shouldn’t be looking after kids she sounds a misery.

We've got one of these, we'll sort of. She swung wildly from 'you make my life hell' to 'I have never been happier than when in your presence'. She's probably around 50. The rest, ranging from early twenties to early sixties are lovely. Some people are just grumps I suppose.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you and your daughter :(
How sad to make her feel like that when she was excited to give her a gift!
She sounds awful, i don't understand why people like this choose to work with children.

Well preschool pick up in 10 mins. Half hoping she'll apologise and say she was manic and thank dd for the gift. Doubt it tho.

The woman is rude and clearly has a problem but why on earth did you buy her a gift in the first place? I thought gifts were supposed to be a thank-you for the nice teachers...

Anyway, I would give your daughter permission to be rude right back to this woman and if the school confronts you about it say, "Oh, take no notice—that's just the way she is!".

I wouldn't have chosen to get her a gift, but couldn't really give all of the other lovely ladies one and not got Mrs Grumpy one.
Tried to be the better person and to show my daughter it's nice to be fair, but don't know why I bothered now

There was a line on a comedy programme one time (sorry - can't remember who/ what it was) when one character says something like

"Describing people as old is really rude. It's horrible - I would never do that.

"Nearly dead- that's how I describe them."

I took what you said as a joke Lioness

@MiddlingMum
"Yesterday I gratefully accepted biscuits and chocolate I will never eat, - one box contained ingredients which would have me on a life support machine before you could say "Merry Christmas" - and a handmade card so laden with glitter that it could ruin entire oceans. But who cares, the children giving them were excited and got a hug and a smile from me. I'm considerably older than the grumpy nursery worker too."

You are the magic person who makes little 4 year olds smile.

OP
That was really nasty behaviour and our little ones, (whom we look after ) would be in tears at such a rebuff. I felt really upset for DD and you reading that post. Complain. complain complain. Mrs. Grumpy is in the wrong job. She seems to have been in the wrong job for 30 years.

I'm really appreciative of the lovely people who look after ours at pre school.
.

Ignore the cries of "ageist", OP. If you hadn't mentioned it you'd be flooded with comments asking how old she was because the they'd say it would make a difference!

But anyway, good on you for speaking to the manager. And don't accept any request to "ignore her. That's just how she is". You've said yourself that these small things make such a difference to children. She's in the wrong job.

I work with children and of course the age matters. I feel the pain way more than I did 10 years ago. I am more tired. I am not as excited as I was. I am sure 20 years from now and 50 yo (but still very very young, nobody gets insulted) I will probably find it even harder than now. I understand what OP meant woth cutting her some slack because of her age. Come on. Whoever is in their 50's and think that they have the same amount of energy as they did in their 20's are lying to themselves or on drugs. Strong drugs. OP obviously didn't mean that the woman didn't have any energy or that she was a old crumpet. Some of you are letting their insecurities talk a bit too loud.

You didn't come across as ageist. It was relevant to what you were trying to say. Definitely talk to management. They will be collecting a picture of her behaviour.

I'm older than this woman and work with demanding, volatile and chaotic people. I have no complaints regarding my energy levels, enthusiasm or attitude towards clients. I work with mostly amazing colleagues but if you're in the wrong job you can be in your 20s and not have the required levels of energy, enthusiasm and empathy.

Definitely voice your concerns this person should not be working in that position. It doesn't matter whats going on in her life she should not take it out on little ones. As a PP said if she were a nurse/ healthcare worker it would not be tolerated. I for one am sick of people like this who instead of being honest and saying the job is not for them and finding something else, stick around and make everyones life miserable. Your poor DD that was not called for a quick smile and thank you is all it takes.

I've worked with a TA like this. Absolutely vile woman who should not have been near a child with her attitude. I've complained and posted PA things on Fb where I know one of her friends will see, but nothing came of it.

Thankfully the other TAs in my classes have actually wanted to work with children.

I'd complain and keep complaining. I'd also be incredibly wary of her being alone with my child. A member of staff smacked my DD on a changing table when she was 20 months without realising how eloquent DD was, who subsequently told us and pointed her out to the nursery manager. She admitted it and was fired. Keep a close eye.