To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

[Whyisnothingeasy]

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

Well no apology or thank you and no manager present. So no one I can speak to for the next 2 weeks. Great.

Maybe you should write to her manager and explain what happened? maybe round up a few other mums and dads too - ask them to write in or see her manager about her attitude. sounds as if she is allowed to get away with too much ! being told, ' this is the way she is' really isnt good enough. If they can see that its not a one off incident and others feel the same way, they might then decide to have a word with her and pull her up on a few things.
That is a horrible way to treat a child!

Well go over teh managers head,strike while the iron is hot.After all it doesnt sound like she takes complaints seriously anyway.

She obviously hates children and I would tell her line manager so.

sorry x post about no manager around till new year.
maybe start a log of things she is doing or not doing? if others get on board then they might take notice.

The implicit ageism has been raised but what about 'lady/ladies'?

The term has been used so much that I am now imagining late 18th century women bustling around in crinolines! That would mean that you would 'struggle' running around after 3 and 4 year old children in the 21st century!

Why is it that only women in low paid/low status jobs are 'ladies' whereas professional women are just women? Or just doctors, solicitors, scientists etc without reference to gender never mind terms like 'lady'?

Nobody ever complains that an older gentleman was rude when referring to the behaviour of a middle aged man in 2017. I wonder why ...

^ perhaps OP should have referred to her as a miserable cow instead

To be fair, if the OP hadn't mentioned the ladies gender or age, everyone would still have said the same things. Younger people can be grumpy and horrible as well.
A lot of people to tend to just get away with things that others don't - the management need to be made aware that she shouldnt be treating young children like this, regardless of her age.

I would write a letter. If the manager knows what she is like but feels like she can't act this will give her the evidence she needs to act on. If the pre-school has a committee or governors, ask for the letter to go to the chair to be dealt with. Also outline the other concerns that have brought you to this point.

Then email the manager to let her know you have sent it because she wasn't around to speak to and the member of staff did not apologise. In my experience in employment work colleagues often put up with a lot because they feel powerless to act but welcome intervention from someone who lodges a complaint.

The children's welfare should be the most important thing to the pre-school.

The age reference was just context and the OP did not mean it derogatorily - I certainly didn't take it that way. I was 46 and working in a pre-school last year - no one could use the slide better than me and I was always running about with the children and playing on the scooters etc with them.

Keepon what are you on about?? What's wrong with lady/ ladies? Load of nonsense seems like you can't say anything right.

Is there an admin person or owner you can email? You really should be able to complain.

Please put in a formal complaint about this member of staff.
Her behaviour sounds appalling and should not be near children, if she can say and act like that in front of you, what on earth does she do when you are not there?
The EYFS states that only suitable people should work with children and the child is paramount.
All staff have a duty of care to nurture the children and build their well being. They should be promoting positive behaviour and supporting their development.
This lady regardless of age, gender etc does not meet the criteria
The more complaints the preschool have the more evidence they have to prove she is not meeting her job description.
The fact the PreSchool let her get away with it is also a big concern.
Worst case contact Ofsted.

As I said earlier, they need written complaint. Ask to see their policies which should include complaints policy.

I'm over 50 and I know how to treat children kindly. She was bloody rude but age has bugger all to do with it.

I would be tempted to report her. No way should young children be treated like that.

Forget the age thing; the OP is just trying to differentiate the ogress from the nice ones.

What a bit deal some of you are making about the woman’s age being mentioned. Why not focus on the real issue instead? Mumsnet can be very annoying.

Oh for gods sake, '50' is older in certain contexts. I'm not far off and am definately the older lady of the office even if I do act like a kid. I'm certainly not middle aged - unless I plan to live to 100.

She sounds a right grump and doesn't seem to enjoy working with little children (or interacting with parents either).

I'd say something to the manager - 'it's just her way' isn't very professional. What if 'just her way' was to cuff the kids cross the ear?

Gosh, give it a rest with the 'older lady' complaining.

Three of the staff members are in their 20. The other is an 'older lady'.

FFS, I'm 44 - I'm an older lady too, in that context.

Since when has 'old' turned into such a dire insult?

It's one of the unmentionables around here these days.

"Forget the age thing; the OP is just trying to differentiate the ogress from the nice ones."

Replace "older" with "black" Or "disabled" .Just trying to differentiate........

Bertrand Russel. How being black would impact on the lenght of her career? Or her possible tiredness? Or her supposed wisdom?

Ffs mnetters are hyper vigilant for trolls and then go trolling threads on mass derailing them to push agendas that have no worth to the actual problem posed.

Ageism is shit. Duely noted.

OP email the manager. You've got time to think now so make it formal and without irrelevant details which will see you dismissed as over-emotional.

Personally I would be asking for some sort of capability review/warning given the whole situation. This woman doesn't need to be rainbows and fairy dust but she does need to present a professional image that doesn't make children scared or uncomfortable around her. If she can't manage that then she needs to find another line of work that isn't damaging to other people or hinder children's development.

I would also be outlining explicitly my concerns about how raising this could negatively impact my daughter and if I got the merest hint of disdain towards her I'd be escalating my concerns.

I would bet a fiver that the other members of staff would be grateful for someone properly dealing with this horrid person.

Oh ffs people moaning about ageism and now the word ladies. Completely derailing.

Op, really, to offend no one, you should of just referred to her as the nursery worker. Never mention gender as they may be non gender conforming and never mention age if they are over say 30, as someone somewhere will be offended without a doubt.

She was rude .I wouldn't of left then for her at all. Complain when you go back.