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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

202 replies

Whyisnothingeasy · 14/12/2017 12:56

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 14/12/2017 17:42

"Bertrand Russel. How being black would impact on the lenght of her career? Or her possible tiredness? Or her supposed wisdom?"

I don't know. How would being 50?

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2017 17:45

And anyway, the OP was "just trying to differentiate the ogress from the nice ones." So black would have worked just was well, yes?

Traffig · 14/12/2017 17:49

I'm older. I'm not offended. Get a grip "offended" people. Smile

I wish some people would stop derailing the thread and help deal with the issue of how a little 4 year old was treated.... by someone who has been in a job such a feck of a long time they should know better.

I think Grumpy's being older and having a very lengthy time in job is very relevant here. Why?
1} Because I would expect someone of age and experience to be an asset... not a whinging snidey bully to little kids.

  1. Because Grumpy should know by now how to respond to a lovely little 4 year old who personally picked out some lovely little truffles to say thank you.

This woman is a nasty piece of work and deserves a bit of karma her way. She may well be purple with green ears... the OP has not mentioned race nor any obvious disability as they are NOT relevant to context of thread. We don't know how tall she is either do we? Or here religion blah blah

I'll get back to my copy of The People's Friend now and my Rolling Stones CD.

I'd put the Rammies on but can't climb down into the Mosh pit or whatever you youngsters call it, it not being a "safe space" for me these days.

p.s My old philosophy tutor was a friend and respected colleague of the real Bertrand Russell.
A Mum on here asking advice and trying to care for an upset 4 year old is not the Class enemy.
'nuff said Biscuit

ItsYuleyme · 14/12/2017 17:51

Bully!!! All I'm saying!
Needs sorting out!

AnneBiscuit · 14/12/2017 17:52

lucylouuu - I'm not being 'bloody touchy' as her age is totally irrelevant. Age has nothing to do with manners as your response shows.

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Reflexella · 14/12/2017 17:55

Just tell her directly that she is rude. People get away with behaving like this & complaints tend to not be addressed successfully with them possibly because people are scared of addressing it with grumpy people

AnneBiscuit · 14/12/2017 17:57

Traffig Oh well if you're older and not offended that's OK then. As I said earlier age is irrelevant. There's rude people of all ages. Having teenagers myself i would be just as annoyed by someone saying someone is rude because they're a teenager. Absolutely no need to mention her age.

Fekko · 14/12/2017 17:58

He only died in 1970!

Traffig · 14/12/2017 17:58

Blimey- you must be incredibly old........

I'm pretty old and clearly have a lot more life experience than you... but my tutor was in his 70s... happy now?

ItsYuleyme · 14/12/2017 17:59

You sound absolutely charming!
Bertrand.

Traffig · 14/12/2017 18:02

What is this ....troll an upset Mum day?
I disagree Annebiscuit... I explained why I think age was relevant in the context of the thread.
Other threads I might take your view.
No need to be unpleasant to a Mum though who meant no harm.

ItsYuleyme · 14/12/2017 18:06

What's going on? Are we not allowed to describe people now?
This PC crap has gone beyond a joke.
Older person, older person , older person, older person.
See it's bloody allowed!
Bleeding nutters!

Apple23 · 14/12/2017 18:06

Write the letter of complaint to the manager and send it by email, copying in the owner. Be factual, with dates, times, etc. but stick to events which have impacted on you or your daughter and don't tell them how to deal with their staff; they should have a disciplinary policy for this.

If other parents have complaints, they should write separately about their own issues. The complaints will hold more weight that way and you don't want to be accused of starting a campaign against this woman.

Ontopofthesunset · 14/12/2017 18:07

"A Mum who meant no harm". We don't actually know she meant no harm. And does the OP being a 'Mum' make her more or less likely to mean harm?

I read the OP thinking the teacher in question was at least of retirement age, possibly in her 70s. "Older lady" is judgemental. "Experienced woman" is not.

Anyway, the teacher sounds really horrible, as well as pretty unprofessional, and you should complain to the head of the nursery.

Fekko · 14/12/2017 18:09

I was at work and someone was trying to describe to her boss a contact at a conference as she couldn't remember her name.

I think she works for xyz in finance
She has long blonde hair
She has glasses
She is about 40
I think she is called June
...
She's the one with two arms!

Now this did make sense in context. It's all about context.

Traffig · 14/12/2017 18:12

I'm really not bothered about the personal lectures RTFT

Stop harassing the OP

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/12/2017 18:12

I read the OP thinking the teacher in question was at least of retirement age, possibly in her 70s. "Older lady" is judgemental. "Experienced woman" is not.

No, it's not. 'Older lady' is a description, or point of differentiation, when her colleagues are all in their 20s.

Again, when did 'old' become such an insult?

It would be nice for the OP if people could stop derailing the thread with a message that is now loud and tedious clear.

Fekko · 14/12/2017 18:15

I'm an older person. I'm not especially happy about it but that's the way it is. I'd much rather be younger and I can't 'identify as a 20 year old' and make it so.

LoverOfCake · 14/12/2017 18:17

Dear God the professionally offended are out in force today.

She was a miserable cow.

But actualy, unlike the "age is irrelevant" masses on here I think that age is very much relevant in that it probably gives her the belief that she can be rude to small children on account of the fact that 30 years ago people were still of the "adults are always right and children must never question them" train of thought. So she probably came to the childcare industry at a time when snapping and snarling at small children and divulging personal information about individuals wasn't considered to be as inappropriate as it is today.

Next time, by her laxatives

Fekko · 14/12/2017 18:19

As my (other) sister said when called 'a grumpy an old bag' "hey, less of the 'old!'".

tvhearts · 14/12/2017 18:21

Omg that's horrible. Definitely complain. I wouldn't like leaving my DCs with her she sounds awful

villainousbroodmare · 14/12/2017 18:23

Lousy of her. Sorry that happened. Your daughter sounds lovely.

Fekko · 14/12/2017 18:23

I wouldn't have left the truffles either. I couldn't in all conscience leave them gut her all the while hoping that she choked on them (not to death but just uncomfortable).

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2017 18:27

"fact that 30 years ago people were still of the "adults are always right and children must never question them" train of thought. So she probably came to the childcare industry at a time when snapping and snarling at small children and divulging personal information about individuals wasn't considered to be as inappropriate as it is today."

Do you really think this? In 1987?

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