To think you're not that rude to a 4 year old

[Whyisnothingeasy]

I might be being over sensitive as I'm having moving house dramas (on a whole other thread!)
But anyway. Daughter is at preschool. All ladies lovely apart from one older lady. She acts like she doesn't want to be there, whinges about the kids, and is very blunt and rude (there's been quite a few complaints re her, but management just says it's the way she is and to take no notice) A lot of parents have found this with her, not just me. Anyhow, I just try and kill her with kindness!
So last day of preschool today. Daughter had chosen some handmade truffles for the 4 teachers there, only 2 in a pack, tiny gifts, but she chose in the shop which ones were for which lady. She was really excited to hand them out to the ladies as xmas presents.
First teacher she ran up to today was Mrs Grumpy. Daughter beaming and excited and went to hand her the truffles while saying "merry Christmas" I stood behind and said "oh it's only a little something for you 4 ladies" Mrs Grumpy shrugged and said "I've not got time to look at those now" flapped her arms, refused to take the truffles, turned her back on my daughter and totally ignored her. My daughters face fell and she genuinely looked like she was going to cry. She then didn't want me to leave this morning and got a bit clingy as she was obviously upset.
All 3 other teachers took the gift gracefully and said how lovely they were and thanked my daughter.
AIBU to think that you're not that bloody rude to a 4 year old.
What on earth does this 50 year old woman get out of it. I am actually fuming that she can be that rude about a gift and to upset a 4 year old.
It was a tiny box of truffles, hardly something she'd have to stand and hold that weighed a tonne or would take her ages to look at.
They even had a transparent lid so if she just directed her eyes in that direction she could have seen what they were. Just a bloody "thank you, that's lovely" would have sufficed. Even if you don't like a gift surely you say "thank you"
Just can't believe she said "I've not got time to look at that" whilst screwing up her face and turning her back on a 4 year old.

Oh good god, I'm not bloody ageist. Already explained why I mentioned her age.
I'm no spring chicken myself, but then again I'm old enough to know how to accept a gift politely and gracefully, and you would presume after 30 years in childcare with all of her experience then she would too.

Horrible bitch. Clearly someone who shouldn't work with people, never mind kids.

Horrible bitch, I'd have to say something! Why do her co workers put up with that? I'd hate to think what she is like when parents aren't around. Your poor dd.

Btw you are being unreasonable to have given the chocolates to someone else to give to her - I would have taken them home and let your daughter eat them.

Very rude behaviour, no question about it. But your daughter is 4 years old and I think will be able to understand if you explain about what some people are like and what it might mean. The woman is obviously not a very happy person, she may have stuff going on at home as well. This is no excuse for her behaviour, but I really would use it as an opportunity to explain to my daughter that some people are like that because they are in a bad place and that really it has nothing t do with your daughter and the gift, which was completely lovely.

Op - I would take it up with her. Nicely.

I’d say “oh Mrs Grumpy, this morning DD was so excited to give you those truffles. I know you’re busy, but I was a bit disappointed that you couldn’t find a moment to accept her off DD when she brought them over...”

Mrs Grumpy will then either feel bad an apologise (sort of)

Or she’ll go defensive and go on about how busy she was. (Likely).

I would then say “but it’s part of the job to interact with the children... it would only have taken a moment... and it upset her. As a professional (!) you’ll know Mrs Grumpy that these small things mean the world to children.

If she’s further grumpy and defensive I’d probably say something quite short and sharp and then flounce. Along the lines if “You have a poor attitude to children”. Quite loudly. And depending on how rude/grumpy she was to me I’d complain.

She was damn right rude, there’s no excuse for that and I would have pulled her up on it straight away.
Her age is completely irrelevant. Your comment about cutting her some slack as she may find running round after 30 kids hard is laughable. I’m not far off her age, I exercise 5 days a week and am a hell of a lot fitter than my 17 year old daughter.

Just spoken to my husband and think I'll try and speak to the manager if she's there later. She doesn't work full time so not entirely sure if she'll be there and they break up for Christmas today.
Horrible bloody woman.
The manager had to phone my friend a few weeks ago and apologise for this ladies behaviour after she was very rude to my friend so her behaviour is nothing new.

New Pre-school in my opinion! If management won't do anything then I would not have my child anywhere near her.

It's very rude.
Does you dd feel uncomfortable around her? I really wouldn't want my dd to go to a pre-school where any of the staff didn't make her feel welcome.
Maybe have a word with Mrs grumpy directly. See what she has to say for herself

There was absolutely no need for her to be that rude.

My best friend works in early years and is over 50. When out of work she sometimes has a moan about it because it is bloody hard work but in work she would thank a child profusely and with a big smile for any gift no matter how busy she was. That is called being professional.

Number one - her age is irrelevant. My DS's nursery has staff in their 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's as well as young students. They are all fantastic and equally as enthusiastic about their job/the children.
Number 2 - you need to complain about her behaviour to management. It's rude and unacceptable. I also would absolutely not want my child to be looked after by someone with that attitude.

My DC’s teacher was like this last year (Year 1). Grumpy all the time but we had handmade a gift as we usually do and when we handed it over (in a brown bag decorated with stickers), she said ‘What’s this?!’ in an irritated and disgusted tone. Luckily she was leaving the school that term as she didn’t seem massively fond of children. My DC is oblivious so he didn’t mind but I’d have been very annoyed in your position. I’d raise it with management again - not being at all nurturing in an early years environment is a failing in my opinion, not just ‘the way she is’.

The kids all seem a bit scared of her, as I think she can be a bit blunt/harsh to them.
It's so hard as the other 3 teachers are the most wonderful ladies and DD loves them.
But this lady isn't great with confidentiality either. My daughter got pushed the other day so I signed an accident form and she she stated "it was Dexter again shock horror. That boys an absolute nightmare" Surely she shouldn't be naming kids and telling me of their behaviour.
Only realised how bad this all sounds writing it down.

@ScipioAfricanus that's EXACTLY how this lady acted this morning. Gutting isn't it. My daughters got another 7 months at that preschool too.

She's just very very bad at her job, and needs to change her attitude or leave. I would be tempted to complain about her attitude but up to you. You are not being over sensitive though.

She sounds at the end of her tether. I agree she was rude and it was horrible for DD, but you've got no idea what's going on in her life right now, so maybe cut her a tiny bit of slack.

I would complain. She sounds totally unauited to childcare if not downright neglectful. What a nasty woman.
New preschool if nothings done.

Wow... what a bitch. I think I would have to write a formal complaint to management setting out each instance of rudeness/ inappropriate comment. Imagine how she speaks to the children when parents aren't around. Just shocking...

If she has got to the point where the manager is having to apologize to parents for her then I would definitely complain. It’s better for the manager to be aware of the size of the problem. She could of course have bad things going on in her life, but that’s not an excuse for a carer to be unpleasant to a four year old imo.

Complain. Loudly xx

Cut her some slack my arse - she needs sacking. I'm a nurse, I'm busy but if I upset a patient like that I'd be in the managers office for a bollocking and probably sent on some kind of "course". No excuse, she's a cow.

Explain to DD that some people are just cunts (maybe not in those words) and that is has no reflection on her or her present.

I wouldn't leave my child in a nursery all day with her - she sounds like she dislikes children. She's probably burnt out after years of being there but she really needs to switch jobs in that case. Is there any chance of changing nurseries? The fact that management haven't dealt with it despite previous complaints says a lot.

And I think you are rude for describing her as a 50 year older lady. Exactly what has her age got anything to do with it? Simple solution for a start would be to stop giving out daft presents.

She sounds horrible. No matter how much you might resent your job and having to keep working you do NOT take it out on the children. That’s not acceptable. There must be thousands of nurses, doctors, teachers, TAs etc who are understandably pissed off with working conditions, pay, stress etc, but who manage to treat those they care for and educate kindly, professionally and compassionately. Telling a child you don’t have time to even look at the gift they’ve just given you is crap. Definitely speak to the manager.