AIBU to be pissed off with DS's GF's DM???

[SottoVoc3]

My DS(15) has been invited to join his GF's family on holiday abroad next year. DS is unbelievably excited at the prospect.
However, he is supposed to be on holiday with us at the time (and he knew this). We don't really get holidays since DH died 6 years ago but a relative is lending us a fab house in a lovely seaside town. Now DS doesn't want to come as he has had his head turned by a holiday abroad with his GF.
It will cost £650. I don't have £650. If I did, I would spend it on a holiday for all 3 of us - me DS1 and DS2. DS1 says he is going to save up to pay for the holiday abroad. DS2 is not enamoured of the idea of a holiday without his brother.
AIBU to be pissed off with the GF's mum who invited my son without speaking to me first?

They are 15, will they even still be dating next year?

AIBU to be pissed off with the GF's mum who invited my son without speaking to me first? No, not one bit. You are Totally, totally NBU.

However, and as sad as it is for you, if your DS is going to save up for this himself (which he should - you shouldn't pay), I don't think you can stand in his way. I mean, you could. You COULD ban him from going, but I don't think you'd end up happier with a truculent, sulky 16 yr old.

Perhaps take a friend along for DS2, lots of books or things you enjoy on holiday and cross your fingers and hope DS1 and GF have split up before you go

Sorry for the loss of your DH

That is a very good question.

She should have asked you first. You the hell invites a child abroad without checking with parents. More chance than not they will have split up by then. When does he need to pay by?

Who in their right mind invites their 15/16-year-old daughter's spotty boyfriend to go on holiday with them?

Did she ask you first?

It's very inappropriate if not. Where would he sleep?

And I agree with a PP doubt they'll be together by next summer. Stick to your guns. They'll be lots of Kevin the Teenager huffing and puffing but £650 is a lot for one child to go away without you!

Doesn't have to pay until summer but need a decision soon to get his name on the tickets. He hasn't even got a passport....

Sorry I saw that the Mum didn't ask you. YANBU. I'd actually be quite livid

Blimey. They are 15 and planning on going on holiday in, I assume, 6 months time. That's optimistic. At the very least, it's an awful lot of pressure to stay together. I'd definitely nip it in the bud if possible. Tricky.

Tell him that he can get booked on but if HE doesn't save up (which he won't) he's paying the cancellation fee, and that he can also fork out for a new passport. Let's see if he's as keen then

How is he going to pay for it though?

He claims he is going to save all his Christmas and birthday money ( this pleases me slightly because he wanted to get rats for Christmas. At least that idea has now bitten the dust). That would give him about £400 tops. He has started investigating selling his redundant giant Lego collection by the kilo...

I did almost exactly the same at 15, invited my then boyfriend to our villa, he bought flights and then we split up. Between the mothers (because flouncy Just-broken-up teens don’t communicate) they managed to change the name to one of my friends but seriously draw a line and say no.

Have they booked their dates? I would talk to her and explain your very sensible concerns. Maybe they can be flexible.

If your ds does decide to go and can self fund the trip then please go ahead and possibly invite other friends or family to join you. As the dc get older holidays do change. He also needs to recognise that if he breaks up from GF he will lose his money.

Don’t just be pissed off with GF dM, speak to her.

I'd be the big bad I Said NOOOOOO on this. If I said yes, I'd be worried he would turn around in ten years time and say "I paid £650 and sold all my lego for a holiday with a girl I split up with 2 weeks later, WHY DID YOU LET ME DO SOMETHING SO STUPID, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE!!???"

Agree on the above points, 6 months is years is in teenage years.

Totally should have asked first.

hatingthebigshow who said he is spotty

Ah becotide it's that fine balance between being a helicopter mother and letting them grow up and make their own mistakes....,

YANBU, she should have asked you first.

I'd encourage your son to save the money but remind him they may not be dating next summer and the money can go towards something else.

Personally, I 'd try and change the date of the family holiday, I know it seems unfair, but I'd want ds to have both holidays if possible. But fully expect them to have broken up, so expect that the payment for the holiday may not need to be made until next year - if they expect the payment now it does seem a real risk.

Grand father? God father? What is GF?

It's quite obvious OP means girlfriend coast

coast - erm, girlfriend...

My Mum did this. Dsis and her lovely Bf of 6 months came away with us, we all loved him except Dsis who broke up with him on the plane over.
He had a great holiday, she stropped and whined the whole two weeks. Totally not her fault, Mum should have said no way in hell he was coming with us. He had saved and paid for himself.

Gosh well she should have asked you first as he’s 15.

I am pretty easy going and have had 5 teenagers but I would out my foot down on this one. Mainly because I wouldn’t trust any parent who acted so daft and I would also assume they were sleeping together on the holiday and they are both underage.

Mind you italiangreyhound post is very sensible.

My dd aged 18 has been in 2 holidays with previous boy friends and is happily single. It won’t last

Well if they invited him at 15, as a non earner, they should've asked you first as you're expected to find the jolly! Very rude

DD BF comes out with us and we pay, DH goes with them and they pay. (Talking meals cinema etc rather than holidays) not got to that stage yet