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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

275 replies

GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:03

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlues · 11/12/2017 22:52

I disagree with the majority of the comments here.

A colleague has been signed off work due to a long term mental health condition for a few weeks now. He has joined us at a charity sports thing we did a couple of weeks ago, and nobody batted an eyelid. If he came to the office party on Friday I would be nothing but pleased to see him, as it would be a sign that he might be getting better, and we have all been worrying about him.

And this is despite the fact that we have had to shoulder a bit of extra work due to his absence.

We are talking about mental health here. It's time people understood what that means, and how best to make people better.

Ethylred · 11/12/2017 22:57

Don't go. This is what your boss might think:
"She's too ill to work but not too ill to have a good time? She must be stupid not to realise that's a bad look."

Hellywelly10 · 11/12/2017 23:07

Go if your willing to be open about why you've been off work.

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 11/12/2017 23:12

Don’t go, my friend was signed once signed off her part time job with stress and our cunty awful up his own backside supervisor saw her walking to college and reported her Confused

SunshineTheMonkey · 11/12/2017 23:24

Oh god no you can't go.

Regardless of what you're signed off for, mental or physical, you'll have to sit this one out.

ptumbi · 12/12/2017 09:02

OP - is there a chance you are building this 'do' up in your head? Like, you want to go, have fun, feel better?

Might not happen. You might feel let down, disappointed, even more upset if it doesn't go according to your plan.

Better to give it a miss and fantasise about what it might have been, than go and have the fantasy totally broken (and have people possibly bitching about you for ages after - after all, they don't know what's wrong with you)

wednesdayswench · 12/12/2017 15:16

If you go to the party, you may end up being judged and possibly gossiped about by colleagues (and if MN reaction is anything to go by, then you will)

Surely returning back to work will be even harder if you you have annoyed and possible alienated people?

Why rock the boat?

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 12/12/2017 16:18

it'd be nice to get out and actually see people.

Of course it would. So, ask to meet a colleague for a coffee at lunchtime, or for one drink some evening (whatever seems normal). Or see a friend/relative who has nothing to do with work.
Yes, you do need to do things that support your recovery. But the consensus is that, right now, the work Christmas do is not one of them.

Wishing you better health soon, OP.

danceswith · 12/12/2017 17:30

Wow if after having a breakdown, you feel up to going out to a party. I'm amazed and gob smacked that you can even think about it. I broke down on the 3rd of September and after meds, psychotherapy, I'm impressed that for the last last couple of weeks I can manage the school run on my own and it's still bloody scary. I didn't leave the house for 2 months and then only with a baby sitter after that

Indie139 · 12/12/2017 17:34

I wouldn't go

user1485851222 · 12/12/2017 17:40

Depends what you are off with. My company encourages people to attend, if they are off with stress. However, if you are off with anything else, you don't get asked, recovery after ops, virus, colds etc.

You probably will get judged, it's human nature unfortunately. If you go, I hope you enjoy yourself...

user1485778793 · 12/12/2017 17:43

My line manager still bitches about a colleague she saw in a supermarket who was signed off with stress and it was years ago. Some people are nasty. You know your colleagues best.

Personally I wouldn't go for the above reason.

elmo1990 · 12/12/2017 17:46

Yanbu dh was signed of with stress today and the gp told him to do things he enjoys. Also in the past a work colleague who was signed off joined us for a post work drink, we were just pleased to see him

ReasonableLlama · 12/12/2017 17:50

I wouldn't with my work as people tend to talk. But if you work in an environment where everyone is open and supportive then I don't see why not.

I got pulled up once as I "was seen out" when I had called in sick. I was on my way to a hospital appointment 🙄

AdoraBell · 12/12/2017 17:56

I wouldn’t risk going to the office party.

A lot of people assume that an illness they can’t see isn’t real.

Like you need to have social contact but can’t face going out because you are depressed? Nope, you’re just lazy.

You are genuinely lazy, wouldn’t get off your arse if you were paid to, and have a broken leg. Perfect excuse to slob about at home? Oh poor you, can I get you anything from the shops?

wheresmyphone · 12/12/2017 17:58

Oh gosh, I really think you should think twice. Very risky.

Moonyroony · 12/12/2017 18:04

I'm sorry but I also agree with the majority here. You WILL be judged unfortunately, it's wrong, it shouldn't happen but people will think, too till to work but not ill enough to party.

Hopefully you can find something else to do that night, you deserve to have some fun and down time but just not with your work colleagues :/

Lillithxxx · 12/12/2017 18:06

If you think it would be a reasonable thing to do then ask your boss and explain.
However...a ‘breakdown’ last Sunday and you’re this well already?🤔

maygirl27 · 12/12/2017 18:11

Sadly rumours will be rife and management will be quick to pick up on the fact that you are unwell enough to work, but well enough to party and you could end up out of a job. I agree with other MNr's and would advise you not to go. Noone is saying you shouldn't have fun, but perhaps that could be in the form of other treats that you can look forward to.

MissDuke · 12/12/2017 18:12

OP I am guessing your colleagues are nice if you feel you still want to go? How would you feel about them knowing why you are off? I think the only way round this would be to tell them, or at least those that matter to you, why you are off and that you feel you needed to get out of the house as you have been closed in alone. I would think people would understand that.

I would never do it to be honest, but then work xmas do's aren't really my cup of tea anyway. I personally wouldn't be bothered if my colleague did this, I would mind my own business!!!!!

Take care Flowers

Giraffey1 · 12/12/2017 18:13

Really? I wouldn’t go. You’ve just been signed off and rightly or wrongly, people won’t be expecting to see you at a social event so soon after being signed off. If you’d had flu or whatever, they wouldn’t expect to see you either. And will they know why you’re off sick anyway?

Passenger42 · 12/12/2017 18:15

You should seek the consent of your manager if you considering coming to an office party whilst off sick. It might be more appropriate to ask for a refund of your deposit and stay away but I really think you should get agreement from your manager and occupational Heath dept that it would the therapeutic to include you. Leave early and keep to soft drinks is your intent on going.

Formeressexgirl · 12/12/2017 18:18

God no, this has to be a joke! You can’t be off work sick and go to the office party. Hilarious.

jayne1976 · 12/12/2017 18:21

Try find someone else to go out with on a different area

Katherine2626 · 12/12/2017 18:24

Go out by all means - good for you, go and get some fresh air, go to the cinema, but whatever you do DON'T go to the office party! I agree with others - they will see it as 'If you are well enough' etc and who could blame them?