WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

[GerddwrEryri]

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

Lizzie48- I'd go as far as saying that it potentially is illegal. As it is a breach of DPA surely.

I never gave my employer the right to use my data to look me up online.

*Blackteadrinker77 I'd go as far as saying that it potentially is illegal. As it is a breach of DPA surely.

I never gave my employer the right to use my data to look me up online.*

Don't be ridiculous. Anything you put up on social media that is open to the public can be read by anyone. Haven't you heard that prospective employers will check up on prospective employees social media to check there is nothing untoward?

And from the story given it's entirely possible some the PP was 'friends' with on FB reported it to the employer. No need for them to go out of their way to 'snoop' on anyone.

Blackteadrinker77 Anything that is public is fair game for anyone to look at! It's your own responsibility to keep pages private if you don't want others to see them

You should go! It might help you feel better to see people socially.

I don't think you should go OP, unless you are also prepared to be signed back on by your GP and go back to work next week. It would look odd you being well enough- in less than 2 weeks after your breakdown-to go to the party. Your card will be marked by everyone you work with and work for. Perhaps your stress is clouding your judgement at the moment. I hope you feel better soon.

Work colleagues are not your friends. People moan and complain about someone if they go off sick at my place but will be nice as pie to their face, really false if they see them, all concern and offers of help. Don't be fooled OP, most people look out for themselves in the work place or they love a bit of gossip which sadly you will be providing.

Maybe in the new year join an evening class or hobby group to meet people outside of work. Its not easy meeting new people but you may well make some new friends, it wont happen unless you give it a go. But please don't rely on work colleagues for support with your recovery, IME people are wrapped up in their own lives.

I have mental health issues and a work's office Christmas party would be the last place I would want to go if I was going through a bad patch. I don't think you should go - because you will feel as if people are judging you and therefore you will ruminate on it and think about it before and after the event.

Getting out in the fresh air and socialising with family is a different thing altogether and beneficial to get you out of your head.

I understand where you are coming from, but honestly, no don't do it.

A nasty comment from a colleague might set you back.

I'd say make an appearance, but definitely lay off the drink and call it a night early.
Explain to HR/your boss in advance that you would like to come first though.

I think Whiterabbitears is spot on.

Frankly, if you’re well enough to ask the question, why aren’t you back at work already ?

I wouldn't go. It will reflect badly on you.

It’s a definite no. Chill at home, watch a film have a box of chocolates. People will judge & resent you if you turn up at a party after having a breakdown. It’s too soon.

It's not ok to go. If you aren't well enough to go to work, you're not well enough to go to the Christmas party.

I think this is a bad idea. People will be all smiles to your face and then bitch behind your back. If you hear someone saying something unpleasant about you, I doubt you will take it well.

I understand that you want to go and have fun, but the message it would send to your colleagues is not good. You are basically giving them a big 'fuck you'. But you don't want to hear this, because you want to go to the party.

Your manager might be telling you to go because they feel awkward being put on the spot and saying ‘no’ knowing you want to go. If they know your circumstance they might not want to upset you more.

But no, you most definitely should not go. It’s not appropriate.

I assume you would be socializing with work colleagues you get along with well? Have you tried making plans with any work friends out of the office?

If you are sick due to work related stress then party is a no-no as these are work colleagues where stress is being caused.

If not work related then spk to your line manager about coming to improve your wellbeing and support coming back. I'd support you and I'm in management

Gerdd - how about you meet up with one of your colleagues for a coffee.

I often meet up with an ex colleague for a coffee/lunch at weekends. She's been off her work for a while with a mental health issue. I haven't actually asked her for any details. We're too busy putting the world to rights.

Anyway, I greatly enjoy catching up with her. We also text every week or so too.

Would this be a possibility?

You put your boss on the spot, if he had said no he would have been seen to be discriminatory so didn't have much choice in his answer.

If too sick to work, you're too sick to party. Your colleagues will very likely not take kindly to you claiming to be to ill to work at your desk but able to party until late. Surely you can see that.

If you were due back the next day it would just about be ok.

The trouble with comparing MH problems to physical problems is this: when people break a leg/ have a hospital procedure, they do what the doctors say to get better. Rest, medication, physio, diet etc etc.

With MH problems, there’s often very little to go on. For “stress”, doctors often advise avoiding the triggers for stress, coupled with lifestyle changes and continual therapy. There’s no deadline, and it’s easy to shirk responsibility for these things - healing doesn’t happen automatically as it does with physical problems.

You surely see that if you’ve been signed off work for stress - your chosen official line - pitching up at your work Christmas do is asking people to question just how stressed you really are. If you’re so stressed by work that you can’t go in and carry out your duties, why would you WANT to socialise with work colleagues at a work do? These are your triggers!

It's a terrible idea, don't do it.

I don't think you should go, given the possibility of nasty comments, then or when you return to work.

I don't see why a manager would be 'put on the spot'. I imagine that they already have given this some thought given that OP's only recently been signed off.

I suggested that OP asked her boss. On reflection though, even if he did welcome her at the event, it doesn't mean that her colleagues wouldn't be resentful so I think that OP shouldn't go.

That's for two reasons; firstly that colleagues' comments might be hurtful and secondly, people will be wondering just how severe the problem really is if OP can suddenly appear at a work function. I think it will diminish the breakdown and OP could find herself manoeuvred out if she then wouldn't return to work. I know there are employment laws in place but they are no match for the underhand methods that can be used.

In think you need to be cautious OP. When you eventually get mentally fitter and return to work, you'll want your colleagues to be welcoming and supportive, not suspicious and resentful, which is what could happen if you turn up to the meal.

I agree with those who suggested volunteering and joining groups. You like walking, so how about combining this with a litter pick -local environmental groups often advertise these on Facebook.

Good luck.

What would be the worst thing about NOT going? You might feel a bit like you’re missing out but is it worth risking gossip or unhelpful comments?