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AIBU?

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Original poster

Oh still hasnt asked me to marry him:(

276 replies

Changeusername · 09/12/2017 21:33

feel so down Sad and i know im going to get roasted for posting this.

Oh and I have been together 10 years. We have a house , pets and a new dc to add to the family Smile . We rarely argue and can honestly say he's my best friend and knows everything about me.

His previous relationship he was engaged but it all fell apart - thankfully or we wouldnt have our life we have just now. They were together a few years before he popped the question.

I hate the fact i have a different surname from dc. I feel like an outsider in my own family. We've talked about marriage and both want it - its more than a name change to me.

I just don't think it is ever going to happen and it just makes me sad.

I guess my aibu is - - ambi wrong to feel like this?

OP posts:
Grimbles · 09/12/2017 21:34

No, I get where you are coming from, but... Why not propose to him?

BeALert · 09/12/2017 21:34

Have you asked him to marry you?

StoorieHoose · 09/12/2017 21:35

You ask him then

Tinselistacky · 09/12/2017 21:35

Maybe your Christmas present?

AdalindSchade · 09/12/2017 21:35

If you have discussed marriage and you both want it then it's just a matter of planning it surely? No proposal needed

wowbutter · 09/12/2017 21:36

No, you are not wrong to feel this way.

Why did you have children if you feel this way? I mean, with him, before you married?

I agree with the others, ask him. Set a date. Crack on.

JustHereForThePooStories · 09/12/2017 21:37

Is there a benefit to him in marrying you?

Parker231 · 09/12/2017 21:38

Why didn’t you give your DC your surname if having a different one now bothers you? Have you asked your DP to marry you?

CotswoldStrife · 09/12/2017 21:38

If you've both talked about marriage and want it, why not ask him about setting a date and moving the plans forward? Do you know what it is about a 'proposal' that you want instead of plans to get married?

Allthewaves · 09/12/2017 21:39

So have a proper discussion with him. Myself and now dh talked about it, decided we both wanted to get married, decided on time frame and went the same weekend to pick a ring together.

AdorableMisfit · 09/12/2017 21:39

I don't think you're unreasonable to feel down about having a different name to your child or for wanting to get married. However, I DO think YABU for waiting for him to ask you. If it's important to you, ask him! Maybe that's what HE'S waiting for?

honeylulu · 09/12/2017 21:41

Does he really want to get married though?
You already share a home and have children together.

A PP has asked what benefit there would be for him marrying you now. He might have all he wants. If he's the higher earner marriage is a poor proposition for him, logically speaking.
As my grandmother used to say "you don't bother running after the tram once you've caught it."

yankeec · 09/12/2017 21:42

You say you've talked about it- so why hasn't it happened? Why isn't it booked? I take it he's dragging his feet?

HateSummer · 09/12/2017 21:42

10 years is ages. I expect you’re farting infront of each other by now..and you can’t ask him about marriage plans or to marry you?

Original poster
Changeusername · 09/12/2017 21:43

We made the decision to start trying for a family as we felt time was running out - we're gettingnon abit. It looked like it wasn't going to happen for a while but luck was on our side :)

I guess part of me wants the romance of it . Please don't take that to mean I want a flashy proposal - I don't. Due to my confidence issues it would mean allot that HE wants me to be part of his family if that makes sense.

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 09/12/2017 21:44

Marriage doesn’t need a proposal. It’s a rather silly and archaic outlook. Just check if he still likes the idea and book it. No need for moping.

RemainOptimistic · 09/12/2017 21:44

You are family - you have a DC for goodness sake. Get down to the registry office already.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/12/2017 21:45

He's not going to do the big romantic proposal. And as you've bought a house and had DCs, then it seems rather that you've stepped beyond the point when it would be asking you to change your life and commit to being in a long term partnership with him, it's now more about legalising the private commitment you have already.

I can see why you would be sad not to have the romantic event, but the time for that has passed. So if you would like a marriage, and you have discussed and both want it, can you not just sit him down and say that you think it would be good to get married, if he agrees, shall you start arranging it and just get on with it?

glow1984 · 09/12/2017 21:45

If you’ve talked about marriage, bring it up again and say “let’s set a date then”

Unless your OH is the romantic type, you could be waiting a long time, if not forever. It sounds like he is happy as things are.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 21:46

So you and dp,sit down, no distraction,you ask him do you want to get married
If he does,crack on plan wedding.
If he doesn’t thats his prerogative and you can’t compel him to marry

usernameinfinito · 09/12/2017 21:48

What do you mean ‘HE’ wants you as a part of his family? You have more than exchanged fluids, you have given birth to his children. If that’s not family, I don’t know what it is.

As a previous poster said: you are on ‘farting in front of each other’ intimacy level. You do not need to pretend to be the shy young virgin. Set a date and get married.

DeadGood · 09/12/2017 21:48

I agree with invisible.

YANBU to grieve the passing of the potential for a big romantic gesture. He should have given you that.

YABU to have given your children your partner’s surname and then say you feel like an outsider. You know it’s not compulsory for the children to have his name, right?

gingerbreadmam · 09/12/2017 21:49

I totally understand. I have just cried at John Bishops Christmas special because I guy proposed to his dp and both were in floods of tears.

Dp and I have been together 6 years. Marriage is massively important to me and it is becoming a big problem that he hasn't asked. Seeing how happy they were on the telly made me think I shouldn't have to beg for a proposal.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/12/2017 21:49

Love, he's been with you for a decade, he bought a house with you and had a DC with you, you aren't the woman he's just shagging out of convience until "Miss Right" comes along, you are the woman he's built a family with.

Get on with sorting a wedding. He's the man you've picked to be with, another man might do the big proposal, but you might not have such a happy life.

Mumof56 · 09/12/2017 21:50

Why don't you propose to him? You can make the proposal as big and flashy as you want, after committing to house & children with him, it does seem a bit redundant though

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