To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

I'd be quite happy to not buy presents for adults at Christmas. It's so much money and puts a lot of stress and pressure on everyone. And there's nothing really that most of us need, most adults can buy things for themselves if they need them. It's different for kids though, that's what it's really all about.

I like buying birthday presents though.

Also my partners dad gets me the same bloody Baylis & Harding gift set every year. I hate the stuff, my skin is sensitive so I have to use very bland products. Gets regifted every time!

I wish my family would agree the no presents for adults thing but they just won’t

Tell them the truth... that you resent buying them presents and dislike the tat they buy you. I’m sure they’ll agree to it then...

I dunno Nyx I’m hopeful that it might. More and more people tell me they just can’t be bothered with it. There are far fewer decorations up in people’s windows this year. The UK population is becoming more ethnically diverse and not all cultures celebrate xmas.

There’ll always be a hardcore few who lap it up and make an effort each year, but I think people are getting sick of the retail aspect and it starting too early. This year was the first time I noticed xmas stuff out before Halloween.

The public will only take so much

I agree too. I like buying for the kids, but that's it. None of my friends and family need anything, and are all quut comfortable so if there is something they want they buy it. So I always feel like I am actively trying to find something to spend money on, which seems crass. DH and I go out for a meal, or buy something joint we need/want for the house etc.

This is the first year both mine and DHs family have agreed to the ‘no adult gifts rule’. There are only three children in the family so it’s easy.

For a few years we did a secret Santa thing but that is just silly really.

Ecureil - it’s not that they buy tat (except DPs father), it’s more that we all end up spending hundreds of £ on stuff just for the sake of it.
And I have had that conversation but it falls on deaf ears. Seems it’s just me that finds it stressful

I think Secret Santa is good because a few family members don't have kids or a partner (but buy gifts for their nieces and nephews) so it's nice they get a gift at Xmas too!

I also remember getting a dinner service from my mum for my first year in my new house. It was just what i wanted - except it wasn't. It was on the surface pretty, practical and inoffensive - but it was "her" and you'd think it was the dinner service of a fifty year old woman not a twenty year old in her first home. I could have wept with disappointment.

I told her it was lovely of course and I knew it was expensive and she'd chosen it with so much care... but I went out and bought a much more funky "young" set of plates in the January sales.

I agree, OP. I like buying presents for my own kids because I know what they already have, know what they like, and they are kids so they like cheap tat, making them easy to please at all levels. I like buying presents for other people if and only if I see something I know they will love, and this does not happen every year on cue in time for birthdays and Christmas, all to a specific budget. As an adult I also do not appreciate being inundated with chocolate, bath products, alcohol, jewellery, books I've already read, strange gadgets for the kitchen, etc, just because it is my birthday or Christmas. I hate having unnecessary stuff lying around and no space to put it anywhere, because it is entirely superfluous to requirements... I would much rather meet up with friends and go to the theatre or out for a drink or meal with them, or do something together - preferably without arguing over who is paying for whom, or whether it is a present from one to the other, or a mutual treat. Presents are just a giant pain in the backside. Bah humbug!

I’m finding the waste element stressful. As I’m getting older, I’m getting more particular about what I like. I don’t want people spending money on me on things that will be wasted and equally I find it hard to buy things that aren’t chocolate or bath things within a lower budget. I picked myself for one of the secret Santa’s I’m involved in and I cheated and kept it. I’d love to say I was good enough to have made a charity donation but I got some really expensive makeup that I wouldn’t normally have treated myself to. I know it’s not in the spirit but i know it’s something I’ll actually use and get enjoyment from. My heart sank when work announced an organsation-wide secret Santa. Hundreds of people buying crap that know one will actually want (unless they get really lucky). I’ve never been particularly ‘green’ but this year I’ve been a lot more conscious of the waste and environmental impact.

Barrow "The UK population is becoming more ethnically diverse and not all cultures celebrate xmas. "

yes, my parents are from one of these. But the reality is everyone I know who is not a Christian does Christmas. I don't even know how to word it any more - it's more like "everyone does big consumer Christmas". Their religion, or having no religion, doesn't make any difference. I don't like saying "celebrate" because in the non-religious cases, I don't know what anyone is celebrating!

happypoobum Honestly? Because it is harder not to. The arguments that ensue are more time consuming. DH has anxiety and gift buying/shopping is a trigger. My Dad is the busiest person on the planet in his opinion and would forget anyone he drew (that isn't his PFB). My Mum doesn't like to leave the house so if it can only be bought in RL or if it is a specific item she doesn't understand will send me. DSis is also far busier than me, in spite of me working full time and her not. etc. The upside of all of this is I can gift myself something I have already bought and pocket the cash

Mirai "you'd think it was the dinner service of a fifty year old woman not a twenty year old in her first home."

ironically this sums up our consumer culture - no expectation of having the same dinner service for 30 years.

We have plates, they don't necessarily match, but they're in useable condition so that's it.

that's not a criticism - you are entitled to like what you like. I just feel like I don't fit in this "buy buy buy" world and I feel uncomfortable at all the resulting waste.

so for me, saying "no Christmas presents" is a good way to underline it and to ensure that more wasted "stuff" doesn't enter the house.

If I am visitng people at Christmas I just bring them nice wine or food from our local farmers market.

Montenana theatre tickets is a nice idea if you HAVE to buy for young adults.

I absolutely agree. And I know I was wrong to go and buy more but I was sooo disappointed. (I still have and use both sets by the way - 30 years later!)

I hate waste so badly that I am practically a hoarder which is becoming problematic in itself

I want time not stuff.

My family for gifts is small now so not many to get. My 2 sisters and I sort it out for husbands and children of each and spend £25ish on each gift
I sent my sisters screenshots of stuff for my children and she tells me exactly what hers want eg last year, Thai currency for holiday and Lacoste red
No vast spend, no traipsing round shops agonising and everyone gets stuff they like (inc adults)
I think this is a good compromise and seeing people open stuff they actually like is lovely

Mirai "I hate waste so badly that I am practically a hoarder which is becoming problematic in itself"

this might not be a problem, I was recently looking for a couple of long snuggly cardigans when DP reminded me I'd taken them to the charity shop

I now remember putting them in a bag to go, but I don't remember why I thought that was a good idea...!

I think you get to an age(mid 40s) where you've bought the same people presents twice a year for 20 years or so and you just can't think of anything original. I try to buy something slightly luxurious but around £20 so that would be say a Liz Earle cleanse and polish kit or an expensive nail polish etc. The females are quite easy as I know they like this sort of thing but the men are really tricky.

Hate it.
For my birthday I got 6 individual bottles of prosecco. I hate prosecco!

I only buy for Dsis and BIL and my parents, usually naice festive food/drink gifts which I'd be happy to receive myself. Do agree that buying presents for all and sundry adults is a total waste of time and money.

I love Christmas and I love buying presents for my friends and family.

I want time not stuff.

Yes yes.