To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

But I bet they do buy you things don't they? Because by you buying them a Chanel nail polish, they feel obliged to buy you something.

And what if they'd rather have another brand of nail polish in a different colour? You'd never know because everyone is too polite to tell the truth.

Come to think of it though, I did receive a brilliant present recently. For my birthday my sister sent me a gin and tonic ...in a jam jar......in the post!

We buy for a small number of people. I buy them the things they like to treat themselves with. I shop with my Dsis and DN so know what they like. I've suggested secret santa before but they've not gone for it.

Nope, can't relate sorry. I have a very small close knit family and one friend so,it's easy. One of the perks of being a hermit loser I guess.
I know everyone very well and their interests and love coming up with stuff they'll love. I also ask them, and tell them what sorts of stuff I want too. It's not hard.
You could make something for someone or make time for them, do something with them, etc, really anything to show you appreciate them in your life.

If I don't know you well enough to know what to get you, I'm not going to be spending Xmas with you anyways and won't be bothering.

I know everyone very well and their interests and love coming up with stuff they'll love. I also ask them, and tell them what sorts of stuff I want too. It's not hard.
You could make something for someone or make time for them, do something with them, etc, really anything to show you appreciate them in your life.

I can (and do) do all the above, but not specifically at Christmas just for the sake of giving something on a particular day. I'll take my dad to dinner and the theatre throughout the year whenever there's something on in the West End we'd really like to see. And vice versa.

I'll send one of my dearest friends little gifts throughout the year to show her she's in my thoughts when I know she's having a tough time and I want to give her a lift

It's far more meaningful when a loved one does something for me at pretty much any other time during the year to show me they appreciate me, than at Christmas, a time when it's 'what you do', and there's a list of people to tick off.

I wish it was that easy Dustbunny that by knowing somebody well you'll know what they want.

I have 2 things on my 1st World problem wish list one is £70 the other over £100 so not the sort of things I can suggest to people to buy me other than DH.

Here's another 'thoughtful' fail. I took to burning candles to use up the stash in my cupboard. Somebody thought since I have young children and candles are dangerous they'd buy me a set of electric candles. So they added to my cupboard clutter of candles (DH did find a use for them to light up Halloween pumpkins)

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. Ironically, my DW and I decided to re-enact the spirit of Christmas this year by purchasing an amount of "packs" from the charity Crisis (meals, haircuts, dental treatment, access to medical care, benefits info. etc.). This was after a day in our local town which seemed to have more than its usual share of homeless people sat on wet pavements, freezing cold and looking totally dejected. Despite the fact that I like the idea of bringing a homeless person into our lives, the reality is that I'm ashamed to say that it's too large a leap...so we have done the next best thing. Anyway, we have explained this to our friends and told them we will not be buying presents for the adults this year. Many have decided to follow our example, citing that it's better to be nice people all year round rather than buy into the nonsense of having to select totally inappropriate gifts, but a couple of them have said straight out that if they aren't getting a present from us, they will redistribute their present to us amongst their other friends. This is fine by us - we certainly don't expect present whether we give them or not. What really shocked us was the vehemence with which some people received the idea of not having a present from us despite the fact that we were trying to help those who clearly needed a bit of support at a miserable time of the year (for them). It's hard not to argue that the real spirit and intention of Christmas has been lost for some people sadly. And this is my first post...be gentle :-)

@Dustbunny1900 you've completely missed the point of the thread.

It's the expectation!

msmith501 "What really shocked us was the vehemence with which some people received the idea of not having a present from us despite the fact that we were trying to help those who clearly needed a bit of support at a miserable time of the year (for them). It's hard not to argue that the real spirit and intention of Christmas has been lost for some people sadly."

yes, it's amazing isn't. Good for you in doing the Crisis packs. Even when I was little I used to ask my parents "why is goodwill emphasised at this time of year - what about the rest of it?"

We did that MsSmith. We do two seats at “the table” each year. I’ll get something for my Mum who’s with us this Christmas and for my neice and nephew who are little. Can’t do a tree because the dog makes short work of it within hours of its entrance. Will have a few decorative things, good food and will be safe and warm for the Season. Better than many will have! 😐

Should add....I’m very happy with my individual choices. I have a friend who will be out in January, shopping in the sales, for next years Gifts. I love her dearly but this, to me, is just all wrong. She spends a small fortune.

As long as my kids get something I’m not bothered. I actually really like making the effort I don’t give to receive.

For the past few years we have only sent cards to immediate family and a couple of close friends, we then make a donation to charity. As for presents we don't spend a lot and only to immediate family, we did try secret santa one year but wasn't very successful.

I actually think next year in going to ask for a charity donation if I can't actually come up with some ideas.

My family have a no adult present rule. Instead what we would spend on adult presents we pool together to buy alcohol and have a family meal out on boxing day/New Years day depending were we all are.

Works great for us

I haven't missed the point, I just don't agree. I don't think you're being too unreasonable but I enjoy gift giving. I would understand if you had anxiety that they wouldn't like the gift but just not wanting to bother..I just don't relate. You asked, I'm just one who answered.

Bananafish, that's awesome if you do all through the year, I'm sure it IS even more meaningful..I'll admit the gift exchanging gets awkward with inlaws and ppl I don't know very intimately. If you are generous and thoughtful all year round then point taken.

I don't dislike buying presents, I just despair at how many people I have to buy for and how difficult it is to get out of it. For example, I would love to stop buying for my Great Aunt and Uncle because they are a full on nightmare to buy for, but they have been buying me presents my whole life and I'm very conscious that they've fallen out with their own children so don't get much at Christmas time. So I have to think of a suitable naice present for slightly snobby octogenarians that can't have food/drink items, don't like reading and cannot cost more than £20 (because they're one of many in an extended family of gift giving obligations). Any ideas?!

You could make something for someone or make time for them, do something with them, etc, really anything to show you appreciate them in your life.

What's that about then? You are presuming non of the above is already done. It is!

I'm utterly fed up with it. The number and extent and expensiveness of presents I have to buy for adults is crazy. It turns the season from being a really pleasant celebration into a socially stressful nightmare.

Getting "just the right present" is very stressful. Everyone has seen everything online and knows the cost, so surprises are very rare and coming up with something out of the ordinary is exhausting.

I am bah humbug this year after two failures last year. One was a pickling kit for dh. We had been earlier in the year to a hipster pickling restaurant (don't ask!) and dh had mused that he would love to quit his job and become a master pickler (!). So I hunted down a pickling kit and sat there as pleased as punch on Christmas morning. Dh made suitably appreciative noises but on Jan 2nd the poor pickling kit went in the garage where it has remained ever since .

Second was a painting (well, a print - it wasn't that £450m da Vinci) for dsis that was the pair of one she already owns. I spent months trying to track it down. When I rang her she said, "Thanks for the presents." Thanks for the presents?! "Did you like the painting?" I ask with some desperation. "Oh, yes, thanks." That was it. And when I visited I noticed that painting had not made it onto the wall.

@Mssmith We has a similar reaction from adults when we decided not to do presents. These are people that can afford to go and buy anything they want whenever they want. I really do not get people’s obsession with getting stuff for Christmas. Christmas presents are for children only in my book.

I would rather reduce the amount of presents we buy, but whenever I've suggested that it goes down like a lead balloon, and I'm too much of a coward to stop unilaterally.

I will admit that while I enjoy taking a reasonable amount of time and trouble finding the right present for close friends and relatives, by the time we get to the likes of DH's SIL's mother it's either decent wine or M&S chocolates, alternated every other year. I really quite enjoy choosing birthday presents, but at Christmas there's too much to think about all at once.

Oneflew older people are a nightmare esp if no consumables are allowed, Not even diabetic chocolates?
Garden centre vouchers, for plants in the spring time?
CD / DVD?
Coffee shop voucher ?

I know its scraping the barrel of ideas but people that age rarely need or want stuff.

Dh's sil's mother?? Blimey.