To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

I once made a big effort to get the pil’s nice gifts. I didn’t have much money and I put quite a bit of thought into them. They opened the gifts, grunted and put them to one side. They were nice gifts, nothing that anyone could find fault with.

I think YANBU and I'm only 24 and have only even been buying Xmas presents independently of my parents since I was about 19 when I moved out to go to uni. I do get some lovely gifts, and most gifts I get are not shit or anything but they're just not exactly what I would pick if I was in the shop or whatever, and then there is the stuff that I really don't want that sometimes can be regifted and other times just can't be without it being shite for someone else too, lol. I absolutely don't judge anyone for giving me crap I don't want cos I know they are trying their best or at the least feel obligated to get me something.

This year we have agreed a secret santa with most of DH's side of the family bar the two under-18s which is great, but then that's just his mum's side so we still have his grandparents to buy for, and as we used a web-based platform to organise it as there was no way everyone would be able to get together before then (few live in different cities etc), an uncle and his great aunt don't have e-mail addresses so couldn't be in it, and his DM decided she didn't want to be in it as she thought it was preposterous that both her sons didn't buy her individual Xmas presents . Then we've got another secret santa with my parents and two siblings, but my extended family have refused to do a secret santa so now we feel obligated to buy them presents - it's just my nan, aunt, uncle, and two cousins, one of whom is under-18 so we would have bought for anyway. But it's still just too much.

When DM suggested to her DM and DS that the adults all do a secret santa this year, her DS whose combined family income is probs around a third of my parents (and this is no secret at all), replied with "Why ? Are you a bit strapped for cash this year like?" ........... This is my aunt who constantly complains about how cash-strapped she is and it's partly for her benefit that we suggested it in the first place .

My partner has said “nice razor blades” they cost about 8 pounds for 4, and he’s worked it out if I get him two, he won’t have to buy for a few months.
His eldest son hates gift sets. I’ve got him a gift set. I suppose the bonus of gift sets is not having to buy shower gel and deodorant for the next 6 months!
His daughter lives in a small flat with her two children, so you have to be mindful of the space that their presents take up. So smallish nice gifts.
It really makes my head hurt having to plan and buy gifts!

I would love the adults to say “let’s just shake hands and spend the gift set money on ourselves “

Thanks for trying AvoidingDM - unfortunately diabetic chocolates are out (dairy allergy as well as diabetes) they don't drink, don't have a garden any more... might try a coffee shop voucher but I bet I get that wrong because it's essentially giving money which will be common I'm sure!

One Flew,

Your dilemma is the premise of this thread. Such unnecessary stress, I feel for you.

Sponsor a cow in Africa in their name. Or something like that. They seem to have everything else, or cannot accept anything else!

Time to say goodbye to Christmas presents for Adults. As if it hasn't been said before now!

I like buying Christmas and birthday presents for people I'm close to, but anything else is just a stress. I hate having to give wedding presents as the pressure is to hand over a sum of cash you'd never spend on that person in any other circumstance, or get something sensible and lasting instead of the nice, treat-y present you might give for a birthday.

I've stopped taking part in Secret Santas and I've never done teacher presents. I was invited to a hen party where the chief BM wanted everyone to bring presents, but I got out of that by just not going.

It's not tightness either. I like finding things that someone might like, but only people close to me.

you presume non of the above is already done. It is!

This was in response to the “useless tat” comments or consumerism/environmental concerns. Or not knowing what specifically to get them and the anxiety surrounding cliched gifts. There are many things you can do

I love buying things for people. I really love finding something they'll like, wrapping it, and giving it to them. I love Secret Santas and the whole routine of choosing something for someone - but I absolutely hate receiving presents. I feel really awkward and embarrassed, I genuinely don't want anything because I'll usually save up and buy stuff myself if I want something. I don't think there's any expectation from most decent people to get something in return when they give you a gift - some people just genuinely get a lot of pleasure in buying gifts to make people happy! (I take my cynical old bItch hat off at Christmas)

Every year my partners family and my mum buy me clothes and jammies that rarely fit or don't suit me. It drives me fucking nuts.

I went in a big strop last Xmas because dp bought me hunter wellies that didn't fit but he lost the receipt. Expensive wellies that I actually did want down the fucking drain. Went to the shop to get the bigger size and they had none left. I had to get a gift receipt and buy crap I didn't want.
I end up with loads of smellies when I have sensitive skin. Chocolates that I don't like.
Stuff for the house that I don't like but need to put on display because someone would get offended if it wasn't.
Honestly I'm not ungrateful I just feel so frustrated that my cupboards end up full to the brim with stuff I don't like or need and someone has wasted their time and money on me. Gift vouchers are a win for me.
I don't know why we always need to spend a ridiculous amount of money on gifts at Xmas. There is more to Xmas than just spend spend spend.

I absolutely hate receiving presents. I feel really awkward and embarrassed, I genuinely don't want anything because I'll usually save up and buy stuff myself if I want something

Alans A lot of people probably feel the same as you about receiving presents. They'd much rather choose their own things and buy them as they go along.

Something to think about when you're enjoying buying people presents because the recipients will feel obliged to buy you something back. And if they're not as entralled about the present choosing experience as you are, your gift just brings them a lot of stress and angst and they too would rather you hadn't bought them anything.

YANBU! I too detest the sense of obligation to buy presents. For the most part, I resist it - and I don't like being given presents either. We are generally a "no presents" family now; I don't buy presents for anyone apart from the grandchildren and my elderly mum and MIL.

I love buying things for people. I really love finding something they'll like, wrapping it, and giving it to them. I love Secret Santas and the whole routine of choosing something for someone - but I absolutely hate receiving presents. I feel really awkward and embarrassed, I genuinely don't want anything because I'll usually save up and buy stuff myself if I want something. I don't think there's any expectation from most decent people to get something in return when they give you a gift - some people just genuinely get a lot of pleasure in buying gifts to make people happy!

Echoing Barbara

If you feel this way about receiving presents, how do you know that none of the people you're buying presents for also feel this way

There absolutely is a sense of obligation to return a gift - or if not, guilt at not having done so. How many threads can you imagine where someone will post about how miffed they are about having gone to the trouble of choosing and buying a gift for someone and receiving nothing in return? How many threads will there probably be venting about exactly that!

You might not expect anything in return, but the expectation of reciprocation is embedded in our culture - so your recipient is likely to feel guilty about being that thoughtless person.

BarbaraofSevillle agree - absolutely hate that feeling of not having reciprocated enough, being caught out - ("surprised") - or been a cheapskate or "thoughtless" however much I have agonised.

It usually means I overcompensate in some way, buy something too expensive, make up for it later by buying dinner or drinks and even if I have spent money I still feel as if I haven't done enough because it wasn't planned, properly wrapped, delivered with a smug "I know you love these".