To really, really, really dislike having to buy presents for people.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not just at Christmas but birthdays, anniversaries etc. I do buy them but get I'd rather not have to bother. I dislike receiving presents too. I've done the 'let's not do presents this year' to be met with 'oh we have to do presents, just a little thing yes?'

Noooooooo!

I fully accept I probably ABU and a massive misery but it's the whole expectation thing.

Bad memories - a very expensive coat bought for my lovely brother by my parents. As he opened it my Mum saying "Oh I do hope it fits because we bought it in (some shop) and we can't return it. Oh I'm not sure maybe it's a bit small. We took one of your old coats and it seemed the same size??" What could he say?? He "loved it!" . "No it fits fine! I have always wanted a coat like this." Except it was far too tight round the arms. He did the face lighting up bit but he never wore that coat. He was at the time struggling to pay his rent and couldn't afford heating.

The No Adult present buying, giving, or receiving rule has operated here for years. Amongst friends and family I might add.

Applies to Birthdays (apart from significant ones), and Christmas too.

Everyone is ecstatic believe me.

This present buying stuff is ridiculous, well I would say that wouldn't I ha ha.

Being together, having a laugh, sharing a meal and some nice drinkies is just the best thing ever. No need for a present at all.

I suppose I will be flamed. But anyway.

I would much rather get together with friends and family for food drinks and laughter.

Agreed. That's my favourite thing about Christmas, it's like the motivation everyone needs to suggest getting together - during December I see people I've not seen in months because "let's do pre-Christmas drinks" and I barely have a single evening this month where I'm not doing something with somebody. It's lovely and should be what the festivities are about.

I only do gifts for immediate family (parents and brothers) and a small handful of very close friends. Feel so relieved when I hear colleagues angsting over what to get Cousin Robbie who is a millionaire or Auntie Shirley's second husband who they only see once a year.

We stopped exchanging presents with adults about ten years ago. I'll admit to a pang of sadness not having my little pile to open the first year, but I was absolutely gobsmacked at the reduction in stress involved - suddenly Christmas was just an enjoyable couple of days instead of a vast month of obligations and pressure.

The only exceptions are my mother and my PILS, and I can honestly say I love exchanging presents with them, they are so thoughtful. I like giving presents to children, I go up to 25 if they do thank you letters and 18 if they don't When I was a kid my presents made a big difference to my life and I'm happy to pass that on.

I’m with you on this with adult presents. I’ve stopped it with my sister and am pushing to stop with my sister in law too although my husband is resisting. Buy someone a mug and get a gift set, what’s the point? We don’t need anything. I do enjoy buying for the children though, but usually clothes rather than toys. I never know what to get my parents and on each occasion have to source a gift because I should. They have everything they need and if they need something they buy it at that time!

If you want to stop, you have to mean it and you have to say it often. Why not make this the last year? Say on Boxing Day that it's been brilliant fun but it's time to focus on the kids. And keep saying it. And don't weaken.

Do you have DC? Do you hate buying their birthday presents?

I do have children and luckily they are adults and all of them get art for birthdays. Easy!
When they were younger I did enjoy buying for them, it was fun. It's not them I dislike buying for.

Starwars In reality I have to buy everyone's gift and get given the money back which really annoys me.

Unless the other adults have a disabiilty, why are you doing this?

Family agreed years ago that we would only buy the kids presents.
Everyone's very happy.

I am very happy to see that I am not alone in the way our family/friend circle operates re Christmas and Birthday gifts. Adults I mean.

None!

Go out for a meal, meet for drinks. Have a natter and a laugh. Far better than some random something that you are chewing over for weeks. Sorry to be a Grinch, but it does make sense to me.

Kids yes, no problem there at all.

Adults should just accept that they are now grown up and don't need another piece of crap in their house, however well intentioned. Problem solved.

Why do people always think that they have given "thoughtful" presents because they have thought about it. But assume that others have not thought about it and don't care because they haven't got it right.

Everyone thinks that every present they have ever given me is "thoughtful" - my friend who noticed I'd stopped wearing perfume and guessed I'd run out. She thoughtfully bought me some of my favourite. I had stopped because I was breastfeeding and the baby hated it. Same friend bought me a lovely candle. Again with toddlers around I stopped with candles altogether.

Thoughtful presents- vouchers for cream teas, (which I do enjoy) - when I am trying to diet and have no free time; a lovely scarf in my favourite colour, (when I have more than twenty already), gorgeous body lotion when I have stopped using anything other than vaseline on my skin. etc - Each present received with joy of course.

I love it.

People say I'm easy to buy presents for.

They know I only have organic, natural toiletries. So nothing like Baylis & Harding, But that is easy with Holland and Barrett and helpful department stores. I like books too. New or second hand. Like jewellery. Like vouchers. Like clothes. Like hats & scarves. I like getting chocolate. Yes, sometimes I receive stuff not to my taste but I appreciate that too. I can regift or donate. Which I like doing.

I used to have a list that included too many friends we didn't see much & we did a lot of the organising for that, not without difficultly. We just stopped one year & by making no arrangements so the gifts stopped. We had planned to give easy short notice gifts if we had had to.

I agree OP.

We now have a no present pact with friends. We plan day trips/meals instead.

It would go down like a lead balloon with family though so I have to be creative. Last year everyone got a gift from RNLI shop. They had lovely things and it's a good cause.

This year it's mostly delicious ingredients/drinks. Except where I'm really convinced that I've found something the person will really like.

I try and buy from businesses I want to support.

I hate it too as we have to buy for relatives whom we only see about twice a year due to distance! A few years ago one SIL suggested that we only gave to the nieces/nephews and not the adults. Other SIL pooh poohed this idea as she loved choosing gifts for everyone sooooo much! So we continued buying for everyone. As you can imagine I was delighted to receive something that had clearly been re-gifted from SIL who lurves shopping! I now delegate all the responsibility for buying gifts to that side of the family to DH.

My friends and I don't exchange presents. We're all happy with this!

I just buy for kids in the family and all the adults do Secret Santa, so I buy one decent gift for a parent or sibling for about £150. Makes this time of year SO much more relaxing.

DH loves climbing and hates reading. We have a whole shelf of books about climbing that will never be read. Between birthday and Christmas he gets about 5 a year. All given with love.

You can know a person really well and still be unable to get them a present they will appreciate.

I also get very annoyed with people who say "it's about the children". I didn't want to instil values of "let's have tons of stuff" into DC!

I remember when the first family known to us made a rule about 1 gift for each child - they had to put up with so much horror from their other family members. I thought it was very sensible - it partly started because they found their DC overwrought and overwhelmed with what their grandparents were trying to do.

I have quite a few atheist friends who do it big time and I really don't get it. I understand general winter decorating, lights etc but a lot of it seems to be "everyone at school does big Xmas so we have to as well or the DC will miss out". Seems an odd lesson to teach them - especially in context of telling them, at other times, "just because everyone else does it, doesn't make it the right thing to do".

I know I’ve got my dad exactly what he wants, he’s been hinting about it all year! I know I’ve got DH what he wants because I know him, i live with him and we talk.
My mum has a very particular hobby but not much money so I buy her supplies for that, which makes her happy as otherwise she wouldn’t be able to do her hobby as much as she’d like.

Totally.

I hate receiving presents and find it difficult to keep thinking of what to buy people. Luckily, I only have to buy for dh and the two older dcs so not too much headspace taken up with gift buying angst.

However, dh did ask his sibling not to bother this year as it’s just not necessary, but a hamper turned up for him last week and he wasn’t very happy about it. His sibling blamed their partner, but he feels uncomfortable now as he doesn’t really do xmas. I really, really wish people would respect the wishes of others regarding gift giving.

I really hope xmas just dies out or at least becomes optional with more people rejecting all the crass consumerism and paraphernalia surrounding this time of year.

With the amount of money spent buying presents for adult friends/family, and the money spent on reciprocal present giving, All sides could just spend the money buying something for themselves!

Ooops sorry,

HO HO HO.

Barrow "I really hope xmas just dies out or at least becomes optional with more people rejecting all the crass consumerism and paraphernalia surrounding this time of year."

I have been hoping this for years! But all I see it gets worse and worse and retail staff bear the brunt of it.

I'm so happy to have found so many other people who feel like this! I never have any clue what to get anyone and I never want anything (except book tokens and people don't like buying them for some inexplicable reason). Fortunately my family all do goats which is great and DH's side have massively reduced it over last few years.

I'm not sure I'm confident I've ever bought another adult something they really wanted. I find it monumentally stressful.

This year DH got a message from his sister with ideas for her DP. They have been together for about 2 years but on the other side of the world and we've never met him so never occurred to us he was someone else to have to consider!

I have had some lovely presents - really I have - but it doesn't need to be at Christmas. Most have been things that I appreciate because they are given with love but would have preferred to have had some other time or have spent the money on something else entirely.

Oh god, I hate the commercialism of Christmas. I wish my family would agree the no presents for adults thing but they just won’t.
None of us need any more stuff, and a lot of it is getting things just for the sake of it