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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mumsnet is less bullying than it used to be?

115 replies

historyofsanta · 07/12/2017 22:57

I've been here for years but do name change to protect identity.

In my early days of posting I'd see threads go to the maximum number of posts frequently with bullying type behaviour. I was on the receiving end myself a few times.

There used to be a real group of goaders who could stir it up. Maybe there are more posters now and that's why it's more mellow.

Anyhow it's a much more pleasant place to be these days Xmas Smile

OP posts:
justalittlelemondrizzle · 07/12/2017 23:20

I have to disagree. I've also been here years and it's much worse nowadays. You have to be very careful what you say/post or title something. Lots of trigger warnings in thread titles too. It used to be a much nicer place. A recently deleted thread is a perfect example of people jumping on the bandwagon of a perfectly reasonable thread.

OhThisbloodyComputer · 07/12/2017 23:23

@historyofsanta

Good grief. How bad was it before? Doesn't seem massively tolerant to me.

There are some weirdos that follow me around, just to say they aren't interested in what I say. Which seems odd

justalittlelemondrizzle · 07/12/2017 23:27

I think it's much more moderated than it was a few years ago. Especially in the evening. That might give the impression it is a friendly place. Which I'm beginning to think it isn't.

toffee1000 · 08/12/2017 00:16

Less bullying?? Seriously, have you SEEN AIBU recently? People get torn to shreds on it. It’s commented on all the time.

Itsnotmesothere · 08/12/2017 01:06

I'm not sure. I have seen a few AIBUs where the poster has been torn to shreds recently

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/12/2017 01:11

We're all a bunch of mad evil bitches, bloody love it

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/12/2017 01:37

It seems to depend on who the first person to respond is. If it's nice and helpful, people tend to be nice and helpful. If not...

90% of people just rephrase what's already been said and if someone new tries to offer a different opinion they seem to feel threatened and attack. I don't know why though. Do they forget it's an anonymous forum?

Domani · 08/12/2017 02:59

Yes Computer, someone last week was saying that another poster seemed to be following from thread to thread causing arguments, deliberately. Weird! I've noticed that sometimes posters just argue amongst themselves instead of trying to advise/support or even disagree with the OP. Also, there's a lot of desensitised posters nowadays, such as a short while ago on another thread, a poster revealed that he/she had been assaulted for no reason and had to try to explain to dc why they had strangulation marks!! Other posters just carried on as if this hadn't even been said!! There is sometimes a lot of bullying in my opinion. I also agree with lemon drizzle that you have to be careful what you say/post. Sad, really. On the other hand, a lovely poster sympathised recently, said I was a kind mum and sent me flowers and cake.Smile Anyway, History, I may just follow you as you seem to have found pleasant threads.Xmas Wink

ethelfleda · 08/12/2017 03:16

It used to be worse than this??

TheHodgeHeg · 08/12/2017 05:44

I think it's pretty horrible here. I wouldn't post a thread asking for peoples opinions of me or my actions - too many cows who act like they're better than everyone else.

People also struggle with having a debate or discussion and you see a lot of "well if you don't get what I mean straight away then I'm not going to bother explaining it to you" which surely defeats the point. Plus the usual screaming their opinion at someone instead of trying to reasonably put their point of view across. It's counter productive. Of course they're not going to win people round to their way of thinking behaving that way but they don't get it.

I prefer the threads where people share their experiences.

NavyGold · 08/12/2017 05:50

It's definitely gone downhill since I joined (6 years ago). People are often repetativly mean for no reason other than what can only be to boost their own egos. People have their own experiences dismissed simply because it doesn't resonate with the experience of the masses (racism etc). Some posters are seemingly given a free pass to be mean just because they've been here ages and accepted as being their way of doing things.
It's a real shame because on the flip side, you can't deny that MN has really helped some people and provided masses of support but a big group of people miss out on that potential support because they are chased away with virtual pitchforks.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 08/12/2017 05:51

Been on here years. Don't post much for this reason.

Not changed a bit.

I still love it though.

divorcenightmare · 08/12/2017 06:03

I wouldn't post a thread asking for peoples opinions of me or my actions

Same. A lot of posters come across as very self-righteous and ready to cast judgement.

Trafficjammadness · 08/12/2017 06:07

I think it's awful now, few years ago you could post and get a fair reasonable response. Now people will pick out one tiny element of the op that most likely isn't even that relevant and rip them to shreds. It's nasty for nasty sake and it seems to have become a blood sport rather than a debate/conversation.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 08/12/2017 06:24

Sorry I disagree OP. This used to be a very funny and clever place. A lot of threads now read like Facebook-style pile-ons. No idea why! I'm glad you find it better though Smile

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/12/2017 06:26

I think I agree OP. I think it used to be more vicious.

sandytime · 08/12/2017 06:29

Really?? I'm too scared to even start a thread about anything these days as there's always a few posters ready to be goady or bitchy. Quite often it's the same posters doing it!

OhFucko · 08/12/2017 06:33

I've been here for years too and it's definitely worse than it used to be. Loads worse.
People are very easily offended at the moment and jump on anything they canto pile on the opening poster.

It also used to be so clever and witty.

haba · 08/12/2017 06:36

Different kind of people, different kind of behaviour.
Not surprising really.

DivisionBelle · 08/12/2017 06:38

I am shocked daily at how unkind so many people are. Often to someone feeling quite vulnerable.

Of course, there is incredible kindness and support, too, but some idiot will barge in, think they have something new to say having failed to RTFT, piss all over everyone..... so arrogant and aggressive.

AuntieStella · 08/12/2017 06:45

I think it used to be less vicious.

Which shows how so much in indeed in the eye of the beholder.

Yes, there were ascerbic comments, but it was done by nice vipers who would be spitting feathers on one thread and seriously supportive on the next.

There was far less nit-picking. I have felt far more rounded on recently. I don't much like the new approach to moderation either, but that may be a side issue.

You're right about the disappearance of really long threads though. So the twists, turns , fallings out and makings up don't all seem to happen together in the same way. I blame the rise of the smartphone, and the prioritisation (sometimes overt) of mobile/app users to desktop site, simply because longer threads are harder to (skim) read on the small screen layouts.

Justadh · 08/12/2017 06:45

I've not been on here long and must say it's not an overly nice place to post comments.

It's typical I think of the way the world is now, too many self righteous people who know everything and hiding behind a keyboard seems to mean they can say whatever they like regardless of the hurt it might cause.

There also seem to be a number of "fake" posts about leaving a partner or something tragic happening, again this I think is indicative of the world we live in now, anything for attention.

I'm also shocked at how someone can write "I was brutally and persistently raped by my father as a child " and the first response will be "Father should be a capital F" (this is just an example to prove a point) again this is part of the digital age we live in where we only see the words written and not the emotion behind them.

I find that incredibly sad if I'm honest, I thought this might be a place to come for honest friendly parenting advice but having read a lot of other posts I wouldn't start a thread asking for help here I'd be too scared.

MsGameandWatching · 08/12/2017 06:49

A lot of threads now read like Facebook-style pile-ons. No idea why!

Agree with this. I think people get used to posting obnoxiously like they do on FB and Twitter and just come here and do the same. When MN started Twitter didn’t even exist and FB wasn’t the behemoth that it is now. This was set up as a supportive place for the purpose of helping out and advising other parents. There was a little crew that used to be rather pleased with themselves but it was nothing like as nasty and desperate to dish out a bollocking as it is now.

TenForward82 · 08/12/2017 06:52

It's actually horrible here now. Too many childfree or MRA trolls and pedants ripping you apart for the slightest thing. Most posters will be told TABU and the very fact they posted seems to enfuriate some trolls.

MaisyPops · 08/12/2017 06:52

I think it depends on the thread.

I think there's lots of people who are very nice and supportive, bit even nice and supportive people can get irritated when they reply saying 'it's worth considering this because it might be more complex' only for OPs to get mad, deny they ABU and then start doing masisve drip feeds in a 'so there so you feel happy now!' when the info in their drip feed was sort of important/ is totally irrelevant but if you say that then it sets them off.

There seems to be an increase in threads on AIBU where it's obvious the OP is being unreasonable but has zero intention of seeing other sidrs. I think that brings the worst out in people.

That said, I do think some people go to threads with thr sole intention of being a GF or to be horrible (e.g. post about marriage falling apart and thrn someonr replies 'but do you normally add cheese to your mashed potato? That'd be a deal breaker for me') Trying to reason with them is a giant waste of time.