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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think mumsnet is less bullying than it used to be?

115 replies

historyofsanta · 07/12/2017 22:57

I've been here for years but do name change to protect identity.

In my early days of posting I'd see threads go to the maximum number of posts frequently with bullying type behaviour. I was on the receiving end myself a few times.

There used to be a real group of goaders who could stir it up. Maybe there are more posters now and that's why it's more mellow.

Anyhow it's a much more pleasant place to be these days Xmas Smile

OP posts:
1DAD2KIDS · 08/12/2017 06:57

I think people are a totally different beast behind the cover of a screen and I.P. address. Or at least I hope their not like that in RL too.

ImADingleDangleScarecrow · 08/12/2017 06:59

I think it’s much much worse than it was 10, even 5, years ago.

meditrina · 08/12/2017 07:11

Though even 5+ years ago, accusations of being MRA were levelled at female posters who espouse a different brand of feminism to that approved on FWR. So some things don't change.

Sparklingbrook · 08/12/2017 07:16

I think it would be better if AIBU wasn't used for everything 'for traffic', because although there may be fewer replies in a topic they might be better ones.

If you spend too much time in AIBU you get a bit 'what now?!' I still agree that renaming it 'Petty Gripes' would be more accurate.

As for bullying. Report it.

Lweji · 08/12/2017 07:20

Are you alright?

Everyone else seems to think MN has gone to the dogs and it'd only fights, GFs and trolls.

I agree with you, though. I'm not sure it's much better but I don't think it getting worse either. At least in the last 6 years or so.

Crackednips · 08/12/2017 08:34

Often you get people who disagree with you and they resort to personal abuse and/or ridicule before they address (if they address it at all) the point.

I've found that these types of people are usually the ones who's views are based on a gut instinct rather than being informed on a subject. They usually fade away when questioned or asked for specifics. It is annoying and a bit baffling, but that's web forums for you.

I'm not sure it's really possible to be 'bullied' over the internet though?

Laiste · 08/12/2017 08:42

AIBU has always been the place to risk getting your arse handed to you. It's the mosh pit of MN. The rest of the forum is different IMO. There is genuine support if you really need it and post in the right places.

9 years in i think MN ebbs and flows. Fewer in jokes. More hunning and FB style kissy kissy posts going unchallenged recently.

whoareyoukidding · 08/12/2017 08:44

I have not been on MN for very long (less than a year) and I find it a real mix of the absolutely hilarious to the genuinely informative to compassionate to nasty. I try to avoid the nasty threads (I mean where people start arguing or being unkind). I think it's a really interesting site, though. I am starting to recognise posters' names and think 'ah yes, I wonder how she is' or 'I like her'.

Crackednips · 08/12/2017 09:03

meditrina Please explain what MRA and FWR is?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2017 09:09

There used to be a gang who would pile in once one of them posted.Not very pleasant to watch. I think some of them were banned.

There’s still bullies but they seem to work alone now. There’s some that are really short too in their replies. I’m sick of the “ first world problem “ responses at the minute I have to say. If someone feels strongly enough to post about something then yes it is a fecking problem to THEM!

ILoveToLaugh · 08/12/2017 09:19

I think it's vile now and its not restricted to AIBU, I've noticed some utter arseholes pile in on various (bewildered and distressed) OPs in Relationships lately. There was a thread yesterday, though, which completely demonstrated how some posters can be so fucking ignorant without any pause for thought or reflection that really took my breath away. It's (sadly) worse, OP, much, much, much worse.

hedlesschicken · 08/12/2017 09:21

I got to say, I haven't been on here long and I think there some proper knob heads on here who love to have a go at people just to start conflict. They don't particularly bother me but I have seen a few OP's very upset by them.

TheSecondOfHerName · 08/12/2017 09:25

There used to be a gang who would pile in once one of them posted.Not very pleasant to watch

This. I find it less cliquey these days. There no longer seems to be a particular group of posters with more power than everyone else. So in that sense, there is less bullying.

Flippetydip · 08/12/2017 09:25

I joined 7 years ago (but have lost my original log-ins named changed) and it was much nicer then. I think there were fewer people which probably helped. It was funny, witty and often kind. Now I see sparks of kindness but acres of unkindness. Sometimes it makes me want to leave and never come back and then one thread will make me laugh and I'm hooked again.

DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred · 08/12/2017 09:29

I've been here for about 9 years and I think it's much worse than it used to be. There still are some great posts and posters of course, but I feel like the while tone has changed for the worst. Back in the day I remember there being a lot more genuinely funny threads, more interesting, informative stuff, less sniping - or if there was sniping it was made clear it wasn't welcome.

I think the site's become more popular, but perhaps newer members have really started to misjudge the tone. I wonder if people think that, hey, it's ok to swear, therefore it's also ok to be rude, rip people apart for no reason, bitchplop on threads etc. I'm sick of opening a thread to find the first comment after the OP is something like "you sound hard work" or that ilk. If you've nothing useful to contribute, just don't contribute! I don't understand the mentality of people who think we want to read their shitty little critical, pointless comments. Nobody cares of you think the OP sounds hard work! If that's what you think, try offering some constructive fucking criticism, not just bitchplopping.

I've just read the thread where the someone's colleagues wife has invited her for dinner and there are plenty of posts saying OP must be really up herself to imagine he fancies her, on the MIL/tshirt thread, saying how OP is hard work (when it's really quite clear that MIL pulled the XS sizing out of thin air).

The majority of threads in AIBU, often in Chat too, just have this underlying air of bitchiness and it's really making it a worse place.I still come here out of habit, but it doesn't cheer me up or make me laugh much any more.

Animation86 · 08/12/2017 09:29

I am relatively new and its not as bad as other forums made out.

Besides I got banned from netmums for literally naff all. No joke

FrayedHem · 08/12/2017 09:34

I remember "search the archives" being an oft used response which I haven't seen for a while.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2017 09:36

too many childfree

I understand that the child free are welcome and I'm sure they are no more likely to be unpleasant than some parents are.

Willow2017 · 08/12/2017 09:36

Nope there are still a few regular posters who just seem to go on threads to rip the op a new one.

They twist the words, make it up as they go along and are generally vile to anyone with a different view from thiers. I think they think it is expected to be nasty on MN and it really isnt. New or old posters i dont care they just show themselves up.

The majority of people are decent but the few that arent really stand out and spoil threads as it is turned round to be all about them. Sad individuals really.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/12/2017 09:42

I've been here nearly 10 years and It's definitely got worse.

The comments used to be scathing sometimes, yes, but for different reasons. It wasn't mean spirited and petty like it can be now.

It was generally a more intelligent and supportive place.

Now AIBU is full of people who would be at home on a Daily Mail comments section (and I bet that's exactly where lots of them came from).

Lots of petty policing of what certsin posters perceive to be the correct social rules. Narrow minded and dim IMO.

But - it's a lot less cliquey than it used to be. I've always been a namechanger, never part of the "clique". In the old days if you weren't part of the in-crowd you sometimes wouldn't get much of a response, when a well known poster asking the same question would get lots of answers. That's changed for the better.

Lweji · 08/12/2017 09:46

Many people seem to be wearing rose tinted glasses.

Why do you think this place has become known as a vipers' nest?

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/12/2017 09:52

Back in the day I remember there being a lot more genuinely funny threads, more interesting, informative stuff, less sniping - or if there was sniping it was made clear it wasn't welcome.

Yes, this!

MN was definitely funnier.

I remember one Christmas people made up fake threads like AIBU to be annoyed my husband wants me to sleep in a stable when I'm pregnant.

It wasn't the most hillarious thing ever or even MN as its witty best - but it was a nice bit of silliness, lots of people joined in, it was good natured fun. Then a couple of years I noticed someone tried to do the same and got a load of bitchy comments like "yawn. So not funny" or "reported" and it was sad to see the change.

OhThisbloodyComputer · 08/12/2017 09:53

@Lweji

Rose tinted glasses aren't what they used to be

surferjet · 08/12/2017 09:56

It’s much nicer these days. No bullying cliques like there used to be.
HQ have really clamped down on troll hunters ( who many ( imo ) were trolls themselves ) plus the left wing trolls seem to have been dealt with. For some reason they thought they could attack & say what they liked as long as they voted labour.
Still a lot of ‘you thick racist’ on Brexit threads, ( said by complete idiots ) but those threads are easy to avoid.
So yes, all in all it’s much nicer these days.

Lweji · 08/12/2017 10:03

Rose tinted glasses aren't what they used to be

Glitterball

Smileys definitely aren't what they used to be.

Halo
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