To say something to stop her ruining other people's lives?

[CoveGirl]

I live in a close knit fishing village with my husband in the south west and have done for many years.

A while ago I discovered my DH was having an affair with a local woman who I regularly socialised with (she had 2 children at the time and was married). I was understandably devastated, but worked through things with DH and tried to move beyond it - remains bloody difficult seeing OW regularly and trying to be civil.

Fast forward and she has split with her former DH, remarried & had another LO. Her former DH has been painted as the person at fault, and laments that perhaps he didn't give her enough time as he worked away (he knows nothing of her indiscretions to my knowledge).

To all intents and purposes she and her new husband are the picture of happiness.

I recently discovered she's had multiple affairs (at least 4) - all with the husbands of local women, many of whom are supposedly her friends and some of whom are facing their own struggles.

Here is my dilemma - do I say anything and out her for the person she really is? I hate seeing these women humiliated like I was and being the last to know they are being betrayed. BUT I also need to question my motives - I confess it pains me to see her happy when she caused me so much pain and I don't want to be the cause of needless suffering. AIBU in telling these women what this woman is doing?

If it was my husband I would want to know. It happened to me and many people close to me knew but didn't want to hurt me by telling me. I was completely humiliated when I eventually found out. Tell them but kindly and discreetly

Is it just me thinking this or is the OP actually trying to out this woman here? Small fishing village in Cornwall- okay not exactly narrowing it down, but quite a bit of other info which just may set tongues wagging.

I don't think you should ever present anecdotal evidence from someone else as 'fact' to a third party.

JonSnowsWife
AIBU in telling these women what this woman is doing?
Flowerpot here ^^

No, that statement by the OP does not mean "it's all the woman's fault" which you claimed. It means she's asking if she would BU in telling these women what this woman is doing.

No focus on the poor husbands were just as culpable, just the woman.
No focus here on the husbands but that does not mean the OP doesn't believe the men are equally to blame. She forgave her husband, if she didn't believe he was in the wrong, she'd have nothing to forgive, would she? She can't randomly go telling these other women about their husbands without mentioning the common denominator - this woman. Hence her statement.

She can't randomly go telling these other women about their husbands without mentioning the common denominator - this woman. Hence her statement

She also cant go around warning the women without mentioning her DH was once the OTHER MAN either Flowerpot. That wont move things on for the OP, that will open up a whole new can of worms they'll have to work through.

I don't think you should ever present anecdotal evidence from someone else as 'fact' to a third party.

I agree chestylarue52. Haven't seen you on the boards in a while. Hope you're keeping well.

I’d leave well alone. I’m a big believer in no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Affairs are very often not as black and white as everyone on here likes to paint.

I don't know why you are getting snotty replies. I'm sure the dilemma is pretty common; share what you know and the wife might wish they'd been left in blissful ignorance, or keep it to yourself and have the person be upset that you didn't tell them. Nowhere have you suggested that the men aren't culpable.

Personally i'd be inclined to leave well alone.

The trouble is it's YOUR OWN secrets you will also be spilling. I also lived in a small village and if youi imagine they will be rough musicking the 'slut' and praising you, you are so so wrong.

You will be the gossip of the local shop as well- 'Wonder why her husband cheated? they always looked so happy. Perhaps she's a bit stuck up. I hear they had an open marriage....'

And then HER husband finds out about YOUR husband and that you know about the affair...

personally I care more about my own dignity and privacy than anyone else's. And unless you move, for the next fifty years you will be the ones whose husband had the affair.

pollyperky if that’s the case it’s certainly working in this sw fishing village. All bets are still on it being my mother though.

I really want to know if this is my village. Do you have a Christmas crab?

They've got Christmas Chlamydia.

They've got Christmas Chlamydia.

😂

where is the OP? Have you found an answer you like Cove?