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AIBU?

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Original poster

Absolutely fuming.... Anyone awake?

186 replies

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:14

So here's a bit of back story, partner and I have just moved into a new house, expecting a baby in March, money is tight and I have been suffering with depression.

I only told him last week that I felt "depressed" and went to docs etc. He told me he'd be supportive blah blah blah.

So tonight, I get in from work to be greeted by him in his best clothes telling me he's going out for Chinese with the boys and he might be (and I quote) "a bit late"

So anyway, for someone being really supportive about the way I've been feeling lately, he's not text me all night. (He knows I'm home alone) I fell asleep there from about 10pm-1.30am woke up and was surprised not to find him at home (doesn't usually stay out past 12/12.30 During the week) well my concern now is.... It's after 4am, all the pubs closed at 2am, his phone is off. Am I right to think he's an absolute selfish bastard? I'm working at 7am.... Sitting at home worrying myself sick?

OP posts:
Yogagirl123 · 07/12/2017 09:58

I am pleased to hear he’s safe, sounds like you both need some sleep and find out the facts later. Your mum is a star, I would be there for my children anytime too.

FairfaxAikman · 07/12/2017 09:58

I'm pretty sure that on arrest you are asked if you want them to call someone - precisely to prevent this kind of scenario.

Unihorn · 07/12/2017 10:01

Glad to hear you've located him and hopefully just a misunderstanding!

natwebb79 · 07/12/2017 10:03

Very similar happened to my DH once and they didn't call me until 7.30am as he didn't want to wake me. It didn't occur to him that I'd been up since 4am crapping myself and he felt awful. Glad he's ok OP.

hendricksyousay · 07/12/2017 10:06

Blimey , don't the police let you know in those circumstances? I'd check that story to be honest !!!

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 07/12/2017 10:10

I'd be checking that OP, he would have had the opportunity to contact you - either himself or the police would have let you know.

I'm suspicious 😒.

Original poster
hullahoops · 07/12/2017 10:10

No phone call.

Story is legit, I went into station and spoke to the police officer when I found out he was there

OP posts:
Vq1970 · 07/12/2017 10:12

Agree with natwebb79 there is no guarantee the OP would have been called depending on what time he was arrested. Everything would have been taken off him and he may not have wanted to disturb her. You don't always think straight when you're in that position, it's a shock to be arrested and taken to a cell - I'm talking from experience. If he was drunk and thought he was helping someone he would have been confused due to being drunk and not understanding why he was being arrested.

And my mum would come round if she knew I was awake and worried. She's not a good sleeper and only lives around the corner so if she saw me online in the early hours, she would ask me what was wrong.

Glad you know he's safe OP x

montenana · 07/12/2017 10:13

oh well at least you know where he definitely was!

Nousernameforme · 07/12/2017 10:19

Yes unless you are actually picking him up from the police station I would double check as you are allowed one phone call to let someone know that you are in custody googled this to double check and it is still the case.

Nousernameforme · 07/12/2017 10:20

xpost sorry

Mustang27 · 07/12/2017 10:21

Some must be very lucky or just smarter than me and pick nicer humans because my first long term relationship did this often it got to the point I'd leave my keys in the door so he couldn't get in if he said he'd be home at a certain time.

So glad he is ok well as good as can be after a night in the cells. Hopefully nothing serious comes of it and you can move on. So shitty it's happened especially when you need the extra support.

Mustang27 · 07/12/2017 10:25

Oh on the phone call front if his phone wasn't working and he didn't know the number/to drunk to remember you can't/don't always get your call. Plus you can refuse the call people do weird things in these circumstances. Experience of this from my younger brothers years of going out . He was a bloody horror Angry always expected him to be found in a ditch one day.

NachoAddict · 07/12/2017 10:25

I dont think the one phone call thing is true actually and if it is he would have to know the phone number by heart?

Tiredtomybones · 07/12/2017 10:36

TheGreyLady said what I was thinking. Doesn't matter how old my kids get, I'm still their mum and if I got a call in the dead of night saying they needed me I'd be straight in the car in my pjs to get to wherever they were.

TalkinBoutWhat · 07/12/2017 10:36

I don't know my DH's number by heart, or even my home number. The only number I remember is my mobile number, and that wouldn't help in this situation!

teabagfreak · 07/12/2017 10:39

At least you know he is safe...until you get your hands on him @hullahoops

Ignore the comments, my mum would have been the exact same in that situation

MiniCooperLover · 07/12/2017 10:39

The police may ask if there’s someone you would like them to contact for you but he may have said no. There’s no ‘right to a phone call’, that’s an American thing.

Lizzie48 · 07/12/2017 10:40

If he was in a police cell, then yes he would have had the opportunity to call the OP, if he could remember her number. He might well have been too drunk to do so.

And yes, there are always some nasty people on mumsnet, ready to sneer at other people's situations. Angry

JanetStWalker · 07/12/2017 10:44

What a fool, hope he's leant a lesson and I hope you're feeling better, OP. Flowers

scottishdiem · 07/12/2017 10:49

There is a difference between being worried about a partner not coming home and fuming. One suggests love and concern and the other suggests a leash.

lamettarules · 07/12/2017 11:13

While my heart goes out to you OP maybe hold off the anger .

The police aren't perfect and sweeping everyone up if there's an altercation is what they'll do .They won't have stopped to try and work out who is at fault ,who was trying to intervene and stop things .

Your DH might well have had a ghastly experience through no fault of his own ,he may even have been trying to help someone .

I hope you both get some rest .

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 07/12/2017 11:13

No way on earth would my Mum have come round in these circumstances. Or any really. I knew I was on my own from a very young age.

I'm always there for my kids. They know it too.

Punkatheart · 07/12/2017 11:23

Oh Alice - you sound like a lovely mum but I am sorry that the same wasn't given to you when you were small. It's a grim way to get tough - but I hope that the love the children give you is a compensation.

I am a little disappointed in some of the comments here - they don't show much in the way of empathy or understanding. You CAN be angry and concerned - my daughter ran away from home once and I certainly felt both of these emotions. On a leash? It's common decency to call your partner if you are not home by morning - anyone would be worried and concerned, particularly if it was not something he did as a normal thing. Why shouldn't you mum come round if you were upset and stressed? The OP is fairly pregnant and stress is not good - it would be a lovely thing to do to comfort her - whether a friend or a mum.

OP I am glad all is well now and I wish you all the best for a lovely new baby in a few month's time....

Killerfiller · 07/12/2017 11:25

Hi op.

I'm confused what your annoying about is it that he went out and spent money or the lack
Of support regarding depression.

Sorry if I'm being ignorant. Flowers

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