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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constant meetings with the school

273 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 15:50

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 07/12/2017 08:59

Oh God. It's YOU again, OP.

You've had several threads on here recently about your son's school. First it was they'd lost his coat. Then it was your were outraged because they were teaching him about Christ.

Seriously. I don't know what your issue is, but you most certainly have one. I feel sorry for the school, quite frankly.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:01

I don't care that he didn't go nursery.
Like someone else said it's similar to being with a child minder. Not all kids go to nursery.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 07/12/2017 09:03

Thanks for the heads up Shatners. I don't normally hunt other threads from posters, but it looks like the child would be better off being home educated as the OP doesn't seem to want to work with the school.

LIZS · 07/12/2017 09:07

I wonder if they have safeguarding issues. You would do well to engage rather than be so defensive. Are there alternative schools, is your eldest at same one?

ShatnersWig · 07/12/2017 09:08

Lonicera Having been on the thread about religion, the OP's name stuck in my mind. People need to really consider the whole picture with this person, I think. Despite many threads about the ex, who is father to all four children not being around, not having seen them for months on end but yet they met up recently and he seemed to want to get back to together, not paying any financial support so the OP wanted to stop him seeing them (when she'd already said on another thread he doesn't see them anyway), the ex constantly getting the name of one of his children wrong....

I'm afraid MN has got to the point now where I almost want to check everyone's posting history before taking time out to potentially provide helpful comments. But that's the result of penis beaker for us.

Barbie222 · 07/12/2017 09:12

Really don’t agree that this child would be better off with home ed.

Also don’t agree that being at a registered childminder is the same as being at home in the OPs situation. A childminder would have flagged up issues just as a nursery would have done. Put bluntly, the OP has been in a bit of a bubble, has now run into what the rest of the world thinks is normal and is confused by why this is.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:21

What safeguarding issues? Surely they would have said? Anyway no point trying to turn it into something it isn't and guessing. The appointment is at 11 so I will know more then.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:23

Ex didn't see them for 10 months. Seen them again recently but now hasn't seen them for 4 weeks. Not really relevant and nothing I can do about it.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/12/2017 09:23

You need to go in with an open mind and listen carefully. Sounds obvious but it's easy to get upset when discussing your child and their behaviour. Stay calm.
I really hope they come up with a plan to help him. Would be good to get him happier at school and you not being called in every couple of days too.
Good luck.

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2017 09:23

X post.
Could be relevant for your child though?

Sirzy · 07/12/2017 09:25

Actually it could be relevant. Has the change in behaviour School have observed happened since contact stopped again?

Sometimes with children it’s like a giant jigsaw and you just need to find the missing piece

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:26

Yeh I know. They all find it very distressing which is why I said should I cut all contact now. My other dc says "daddies gone missing again" (I've not said it to her these are her own words) but there's not much I can do about it.

OP posts:
LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 07/12/2017 09:29

My first thought too is not the inconvenience here but the root causes of why you keep getting called in.

My ds is now in year 10 and dd in year 2. I have never been called to either school, if were to be, my first issue would be finding out exactly what had happened and how to deal with it going forward and to work with the school to resolve the problem.

Meetings are rarely at everyone's convenience. I'm trying hard not to be harsh here op but I think your priorities are wrong here and clearly something is very wrong.

Schools are very busy, I doubt they call you in unless it is warranted.

ShatnersWig · 07/12/2017 09:29

I think it's highly relevant that your ex, who is father to all four of your children has flitted in and our of their lives. Bearing in mind he hasn't worked in 3 years until he got a job about a week ago, I don't know why you chose to have yet more children with him at a time when he wasn't working.

I'm afraid your children are suffering as a result of all of this and it's now showing up in your son. It's not helping when you get the hump with the school about the lost coat, the fact that they dared to teach him about Christ as its approaching Christmas.

Your priorities are totally skewed.

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2017 09:30

Of course you can't control his behaviour. Poor kids. And awful for you to pick up the pieces. I wonder if the school could access some counselling type help for him. Give him a chance to talk things over with someone. It may be helpful for him to be able to say how he feels.

WitchesHatRim · 07/12/2017 09:32

Not really relevant and nothing I can do about it.

Yes it is relevant. How can you say it isn't?

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:33

The youngest wasn't planned. He lost his job when I had the 3 year old and like I said hasn't bothered since.

OP posts:
mummyhaschangedhername · 07/12/2017 09:34

Good luck in your meeting OP. I would ask them why they are creating meeting for things you can address with your son via a phone call, if the incidents continue then you can ask for a home school communication book so they can write down any "issues" there and you can address them at home. Finally, I would ask if they have any concerns. I totally respect and believe you that there are no SN concerns but it would be interesting to know what the school are thinking. Perhaps someone had some training and now be extra vigilant and perhaps seeing things that are not there, equally, perhaps they do see things you don't too. Either way, opening that communication would be usual to assess their motives and thinking.

Good luck.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 07/12/2017 09:36

Well what can I do if his dad doesn't want to see him. I obviously let him see them again, after he convinced me for 2 months. Didn't just rush back in. He told me he had changed and would do whatever it takes and even that he was looking for a job. As soon as he got it he told me it was he either sees the kids or he works.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/12/2017 09:41

The best thing you can do is not discount how it may be effecting him, talk to the School about how both you and the School can support him.

Children are a lot more aware of things than we give them credit for bit generally don’t have the emotional ability to properly deal with that which is why sometimes they will need extra support and things like behaviour changing can be a massive indicator that they need some level of support.

LIZS · 07/12/2017 09:41

No they won't tell you if they suspect safeguarding issues. It may simply be that they feel you and your dc need more support and they can offer to refer you to other services but you need to meet them half way.

LIZS · 07/12/2017 09:41

No they won't tell you if they suspect safeguarding issues. It may simply be that they feel you and your dc need more support and they can offer to refer you to other services but you need to meet them half way.

Lizzie48 · 07/12/2017 09:47

I'm sure the issues with contact have played a part in his behaviour at school, and especially since he didn't do it last year. The school have registered the fact that there has been a change in his behaviour and that's why they're asking to see you to discuss what's going on. You need to engage with them.

You could ask if you can discuss it via telephone with the teacher in view of your childcare issues.

hendricksyousay · 07/12/2017 10:04

If a school is calling you in for meetings they will be logging this all . They may be looking at the fact he has some sn or looking to move him from the School if they don't think his needs are being met. I have a NT dd and a sn ds and neither spit or eat books so I would be worried about that to be honest . Are you sure they haven't tried to ask about some additional needs and you aren't picking up on their hints ? I'm very rarely called into meetings about my ds !

FrayedHem · 07/12/2017 10:06

"Other incidents" could easily be about the older child and/or attendance/lateness/banned items in lunch box not necessarily about the OP's son's behaviour.

The teacher mentioning anxiety as a possible cause does make it sound like she is concerned and not asking for meetings to pick at you. It can be very hard to get past prior issues with a school you're not happy with, but I would really try and engage with the school on this one. Like PP have said the school may be able to help you access some support.