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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constant meetings with the school

273 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 15:50

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 22:45

They never called me in at all in reception. No I don't think it's "normal" but I think it's a phase some children go through. Like I said my brother use to eat washing powder. My mum never done anything about it. (Other than try to keep it out of reach Ofcourse) he's now 18 and never been diagnosed with anything.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 06/12/2017 22:45

"You can't say someone has add or asd over chewing paper or spitting. It needs to be a lot more than that."

It may not be. But do you really think these are normal behaviour for 5 year old, yr1 child?

TovaGoldCoin · 06/12/2017 22:45

As a teacher, I wouldn't call a parent in over one incident of spitting on a table and drawing (kids like the shiny tables, water looks interesting on them. I would ask them to stop, and get the me to wipe the table). I would probably mention incident of paper eating in passing, with a "oh little John did this today, a bit daft sure he won't do it again v will you little Johnny!?! If you are being called in a lit, it's probably for greater concerns. These things you described can be sensory seeking behaviours. Maybe yiu should work with the school, or find a school which suits you better

Elderpond · 06/12/2017 22:45

No I'm not diagnosing your child for you but what I'm saying is that if the school have called you in over it then it sounds like they have a concern. obviously if he has been told no and it stops and it never happens again there is no issue.

user789653241 · 06/12/2017 22:46

*cross post.

Some people get diagnosed at later age, ie., in 30s. You never know.

Wolfiefan · 06/12/2017 22:54

Very young children do put things they shouldn't in their mouths. At five he should know spitting is disgusting and you don't eat books. Don't dismiss it as a phase that will just pass.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/12/2017 22:54

You've had two meetings with the school to date, yet your sister (a teacher herself!) "always" tells you the school are picking on you?
Sounds most unlikely.

Quartz2208 · 06/12/2017 22:55

They may well have a concern that it’s a stress reaction to something particularly given that it started on the move from reception to year 1 that is causing it

KeepServingTheDrinks · 06/12/2017 22:55

I sense this is going to be one of those threads which will end unsatisfactorily, because the OP won't come and update after her meeting.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/12/2017 22:59

What does I'm not getting him diagnosed with anything mean? Do you think any special needs he may have won't actually affect him if you don't put a label on them or something?!

llangennith · 06/12/2017 23:01

It sounds like the school are very concerned about your son’s behaviour rather than a vendetta against you or him. Take it seriously OP. Work with the school to help your son. Stop complaining about the school asking you to cooperate with them.

user789653241 · 06/12/2017 23:07

I have seen sad post about the child who's parents were warned numerous times when the child was young, but never admitted the child had any problem and never sought any help, and ended up having much bigger problem later on. I really hope this isn't a case for your ds.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 23:13

No there's been several incidents with the school as to why my sister said it but I won't go into it.
Anyway I think a diagnosis is only worth while if it's effecting your life otherwise labelling isn't a good thing IMO. And like I said there would need to be more than just eating paper. Can't find another school that suits as unfortunately this was my 5th and last choice of school. He was 10th place on the waiting list for our first choice. Like I said the teacher didn't suggest special needs she said anxiety.

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user789653241 · 06/12/2017 23:16

So the teacher said anxiety and you are not worried?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/12/2017 23:22

Ok OP.

YANBU it's annoying to be called in for something.
YABU to be so defensive. Have you asked the teachers why they've called you in about it? You don't see a problem - clearly they do - can they suggest some coping strategies?

Ok you don't need to send your kids to nursery, of course you don't, but you sound absolutely mad to say you 'won't be getting him diagnosed'. You don't get a diagnosis like it's a telling off; you get one if the child requires additional support in some area, or if they require medical help.

You will be doing your son a disservice by acting so defensive with the teachers. And while I'm sure it's annoying to have to take your other two kids with you - not being funny but don't they go out with you anywhere? Why is school so much more difficult?

Quartz2208 · 06/12/2017 23:22

Yes exactly anxiety it’s a stress reaction

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/12/2017 23:23

PS I have three boys, one is in Yr1. None of them ever did the stuff you're talking about - and two of them did have additional needs. They had very intense SALT from R-Y2.

It might be something, it might be nothing. But be open minded, not on the back foot.

Hugepeppapigfan · 06/12/2017 23:24

I’m a teacher and, like most teachers, I have a very heavy workload. I only call parents in for meetings if I have serious concerns. Your child’s school has serious concerns. Please do not block them. IF your child has any additional needs then I implore you to support the school in looking into it further. If your child needs extra support then, as a parent, make damn well sure he gets it!

fidgettt · 06/12/2017 23:25

Anyway I think a diagnosis is only worth while if it's effecting your life otherwise labelling isn't a good thing IMO.

You don't get a diagnosis if it doesn't affect your life; "functional impairment" is one of the criteria.**

So knowing that, you may as well just take him anyway since he wouldn't be "labelled" unless it's affecting his life..... But I think you are burying your head in the sand because you don't want your child to have SEN therefore you won't have it investigated.**

SuburbanRhonda · 06/12/2017 23:27

Anyway I think a diagnosis is only worth while if it's effecting your life otherwise labelling isn't a good thing IMO.

And what evidence is your opinion based on, OP?

AmiU · 06/12/2017 23:30

OP, maybe you can ask some additional questions when you go in for your next meeting to shed some light on the situation.

For example, re the paper eating, you could ask questions like 1 how many times have you noticed it? 2 is it a health concern, a behavioural concern or is he destroying property 3 what has the school already don't to address it before calling me in 4 how should we jointly address the problem.

I think this would help you decide whether the school is calling you in over any little thing or when they feel they need to escalate an issue to you.

Wolfiefan · 06/12/2017 23:31

If your child is so anxious he's eating books I would say that does impact on his life
Several incidents with the school? So you've picked two but he's actually been displaying more inappropriate or strange behaviour?

AmiU · 06/12/2017 23:32

And about not telling you the reason for the meeting before hand, you should just ask if you can have a bit of info before hand so you can be prepared to discuss the issue at hand fully.

I suspect they don't tell you details before hand because the school office arranges parent appointments and the teacher notices issues, so the teacher would have to brief to office staff in order for you to be told the issue at the time of calling you in.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 23:33

It's not that I'm not worried it's that I had a meeting on Monday... Now another Wednesday?! Surely could have been said on Monday. I've asked my son whats happened in literally one day and he has said nothing so can't see what the problem is to drag me in again. And it's not even after school or in the morning. I would literally have to drop them, come home, go back, come home, then go back in the afternoon to collect them and come home again. So yeh.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 23:35

Well the teacher said some times she bites the top of her pen and compared it to that. I know he doesn't like school (he tells me) but there's no alternative.

OP posts: