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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Constant meetings with the school

273 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 06/12/2017 15:50

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

OP posts:

RichmondAvenue · 06/12/2017 16:42

Get your kid to behave and perhaps you won't be called in as much....

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 06/12/2017 16:43

My child is in Y2 and I've never been called into school. There must be something quite serious going on. What have they told you in all the previous meetings?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/12/2017 16:43

What were the previous meetings about? That should give you some sort of clue...
How about addressing the behaviour, it might help everybody concerned?

NotAgainYoda · 06/12/2017 16:44

School do not call parents in unless they are quite concerned, and their efforts to address the problems have not worked.

reindeercrossing · 06/12/2017 16:45

How can she address the behaviour if the school refuse to tell her?

LIZS · 06/12/2017 16:46

Maybe they feel she is not listening?

Mamabear4180 · 06/12/2017 16:46

I wouldn't expect to be called in at all to answer your question OP but I don't know your child or the school or any of the reasons you've been called in previously?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/12/2017 16:47

She can't have had multiple meetings and still have been told nothing, reindeer, that would be too stupid for words.

Sirzy · 06/12/2017 16:48

While it is easy to berate the OP for her son's behaviour, it is also possible in this day and age to address concerns in a way that doesn't involve her physically going in.

Often it is much easier to do it face to face though especially for serious issues.

Phone (unless you have a conference call set up) can only be between two people

Email takes time to back and forward and it’s hard to read tone and question things a lot of the time.

Letters - see above but even more so.

Face to face is often the best way

reindeercrossing · 06/12/2017 16:49

The point is that OP has said they call her and refuse to tell her over the phone and instead want her to go in.

I presume she works as otherwise they would grab her at pickup. So a busy working mum with toddlers can't be told over the phone her DS swore, can't be emailed to say "actually, he was pulling someone's hair in assembly" - she has to go in?

Why?

It's treating the op like a naughty child herself. I wouldn't be happy.

NotAgainYoda · 06/12/2017 16:52

Why would you start a thread and not tell us what the thing/s they are calling about is/are?

is this some clever metaphor for being called in by the school without being told what it's about?

WinnieFosterTether · 06/12/2017 16:54

I wouldn't expect constant meetings. I would expect the first meeting to result in an action plan. If their action plan isn't working, then I'd expect another meeting to discuss.
tbh I would be concerned if a school is constantly calling you in because it either means your DC is misbehaving a lot or that the school can't manage him. Neither is good.

DearTeddyRobinson · 06/12/2017 16:56

But if she is a working mum, she wouldn't need to bring her kids with her?

NotAgainYoda · 06/12/2017 16:56

It's about now in a thread I like us to start guessing what the problems are. Possibly start disagreeing with each other on the basis of those guesses/projections

Aaaah AIBU....

NotAgainYoda · 06/12/2017 16:57

Make up a few details, turn it into a WOHM/SAHM debate etc etc. Bash a few teachers.

MissTeri · 06/12/2017 16:58

Only meetings I've ever had with the school has been at my own instigation regarding a child bullying my son.

Wondering if you're the mother of that child actually? ... ages are right for the younger siblings and she gets an attitude about being called in all the time ...

Hard to say if the school are being unreasonable or if you are without knowing the reason for the meetings.

KipperBalloon · 06/12/2017 16:58

Hard to tell if YABU without more information about what the previous meetings have been for. I'm sure they aren't just calling you in for the sake of it.

reindeercrossing · 06/12/2017 17:00

Re childcare it depends, if it's hard for OP to get time off or if she doesn't get paid for it (many people don't) she may well need to pick up her younger children and then go in.

Anyway hope it gets sorted op.

youarenotkiddingme · 06/12/2017 17:01

Agree with others but I think I know where you’re coming from.

When ds was year R I was called constantly. I knew there was issues and wanted to meet and discuss a way forward.
School just wanted to report and moan about DS behaviour.
Eventually I said ‘either start a behaviour plan we all agree on with review dates and we’ll meet to discuss in a few weeks - with a home/school book to keep communication open. Or if you aren’t going to proactively do something stop telling me what I already know about how ds struggles. Nothing will change by telling me’

But then ds did have SN (although they tried not admit that) and eventually was diagnosed with asd.

It did focus the schools mind on actively supporting rating than reporting though.

gabsdot · 06/12/2017 17:04

My DS's friend is regularly in trouble with the school. His mum blocked the schools number on her phone because she was so fed up of the phone calls.
Maybe you could do that.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/12/2017 17:12

What a thicko charmer she sounds, gab

Branleuse · 06/12/2017 17:17

I had many meetings with the school with two babies in tow. Its not ideal but if they need to speak to you, then they do.
I hope there arent too many problems. Sounds like youve got a lot on your plate

SparklyUnicornPoo · 06/12/2017 17:22

Schools don't call people in for the fun of it, we don't have the time and generally meetings with parents about behaviour aren't fun. Are the meetings productive? as in are they discussing ways to help your son or are they just calling you in with a list of things he's done? if its the latter I would suggest asking them for a behaviour log, so they can let you know how each day has been without having to call you in as often.

I have only had one child without SN who we have had to call parents in that often for, it was because his behaviour was appalling and everything we tried we were getting 'mum says I don't have to listen to you'

MaisyPops · 06/12/2017 17:28

I've called less than half a dozen parents in for a meeting in the last year and that's at secondary. Schools don't call parents in for no reason, least of all repeatedly.
Parental meetings are a pain to organise for staff and parents. We aren't going to waste everyone's time.

Someone I once taught had their parents in for regular meetings with senior leadership. Their behaviour was such that they found themselves being educated somewhere else. Then again their parent was also 'sick of meetings' too so if your attitude towards it is like theirs then it'll be fun and games by y9/10.

WitchesHatRim · 06/12/2017 17:28

How can she address the behaviour if the school refuse to tell her?

They aren't refusing to tell her. She knows it's to do with behaviour. She has been to numerous meetings apparently.

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