Constant meetings with the school

[ThisLittleKitty]

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

I don't want/need other support but thanks.

So what DO you want?

You continually post on here asking people for their advice and we're always wrong and you know best.

You can’t ‘hide’ your kids from the world. You may be able to bubble them re nursery but you can’t at school. It sounds as if the school want to poke a hole in that bubble and find out why your child’s showing stress and anxious behavour. You’re better off working with the school for your child’s sake. Given your defensive attitude it’s probably warranted.

You might not but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t.

In the nicest possible way it’s about him not you

I don't want/need other support but thanks

You might not, your DS behaviour would suggest he at least, does.

I'm guessing the support means social services? Which I don't think it's necessary. I'm not sure I can say what I want till I've had the meeting as I'm in the dark at the moment.

No it doesn’t have to mean social services and anyway social services don’t have to be feared. I found them a godsend with my 2nd kid. They’re there to help.

Why would it mean social services? Not that SS involvement is a bad thing.

It could be as simple as some level of councelling for him at School to give him somewhere safe to discuss how he is feeling and to help him process that.

Support comes in a wide variety of ways and as a parent sometimes admitting that external support is needed is the hardest decision but it is also a brave one to help the child thrive

I think support PP mean are SENCO, ELSA, etc, within school.

So you acknowledge your son is unhappy at school but you don't want to do anything to help change that?

Ok sorry I don't no what other services are available.

Op- please don't end up as "that parent"

You sound extremely defensive.

My ds who I mentioned before has asd. It is not a disease. Parents of asd children can often see things in other dc that maybe seem irrelevant to some.

I'm not suggesting he has asd at all. But- if there was a problem it's best to get it dealt with rather than burying your head in the sand.

The amount of parents I've seen like this is shocking. Clearly something going on with their dc and all brushed under the carpet for years and then bingo- diagnosed at say 14 when there is little time left for intervention/help/support whatever.

I can't believe that a teacher ( your sister ) is suggesting you are being "picked on" seriously?!

And lastly, my ds suffers with anxiety and we have had help from CAMHS. He was much older than 5 though.

I find it worrying that a 5 year old has anxiety, please get help for this, there is so much support out there if you are open to it. Good luck with the meeting.

My little boy (year 2) is a nibbler - fingers, toes, jumpers, books. I've never been called in about it. It's annoying/worrying when he nibbles holes in things or chews his fingers and makes them sore, but I think it's just a nervous habit he has.

Basically if something happens with the school I would ask my sister if she would call in a parent over it and she said "no but then it sounds like they're picking on you." When I told her about the Jeremy Kyle brawl she said she would have said something and she "can't believe they're targeting you when there's people like that at the school".

I would stop asking your sister then it doesn’t sound like she is being particularly helpful or supportive!

Stop seeing yourself as a victim (in school sense) and build a working relationship to help your son and other children.

Don’t forget “it takes a village to raise a child”

They're not targeting you. They're trying to help your child.
Extra help can be help with anxiety of he has it, someone for him to talk to, someone to help the teachers develop strategies for him.
I wasn't for a moment suggesting they should call social services about your child. You really need to go in thinking they are trying to help him. And stop asking your sister's advice. It's not helpful.

Currently sat in the rain with a 3 year old and baby! I'm seriously gonna suggest it's discussed on the phone next time.

No they won't tell you if they suspect safeguarding issues. It may simply be that they feel you and your dc need more support and they can offer to refer you to other services but you need to meet them half way

They bloody well should do. Discussing concerns and highlighting exactly what the concern is and why it’s a concern with a parent/carer providing there is not a legitimate belief that doing so would place a child more at risk is standard practise and specified in pretty much every single acceptable safeguarding policy or DOE guidance going!

You need to breathe! And drop any attitude. They won't be calling you in for nothing and you won't have childcare at home either.

I would really embrace these meetings. It is great that the school are contacting you with concerns and presumably looking for a way to go forward. They are on your side! They want the best for your child too!

It is very unlikely they will discuss it over the phone with you.

Who is going to look after the other DC whilst you are on the phone?

You really mustn't stick your head in the sand, OP. My DM did this when I was growing up and various schools suspected that my siblings and I had issues. Her response about me was 'no, she's very bright', which was true, but I wasn't succeeding at school! (She thought I was lazy and the problem was with the school etc.)

In actual fact, my DSis and I were suffering SA at the hands of our father and others. Now she's berating herself for not spotting any signs and doing lots of hand wringing.

Now, that isn't to say, obviously, that there's anything major going on in your family. But the teacher suspects anxiety, which may well be connected with what's happening with their dad. Do embrace whatever help they may recommend and work with them.

Hope the meeting goes well today.

Yes by "services" I meant it as an umbrella term for accessing support systems and agencies within and beyond the school, which may help your ds individually and you as a parent of four young children. Not exclusively SS.

How did you get on?

I don't often post, but have to in support of you OP. I had exactly the same issues, constant meetings about my DSin which very little of any importance was somehow made into a huge issue. For instance, chewing the cap of his water bottle was deemed to be of some sinister significance (strange as according to my surreptitious audit of water bottles the next morning on the way to school, this seemed completely normal), he would apparently wander around the classroom occasionally as if in a daze and then come to...the list went on. He was never accused of being naughty or disruptive, the school just seemed to delight in making mountains out of mole hills. Perhaps this is the same in your DS's case? It is utterly soul destroying (and at my DS's school, it seemed quite a common occurrence, especially among parents of boys). Chin up OP. If you think your DS is OK, and as long as he isn't being disruptive etc., I am sure he will be fine. (My DS now 16 and completely normal incidentally- well adjusted, decent GCSE's, still in school). Relax.