Constant meetings with the school

[ThisLittleKitty]

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

They're not there to referee the parents.
You child is behaving in an unacceptable way. Focus on that and not the parents rowing.

All I would expect teachers to do in those circumstances are phone police and keep records of what has happened to report further if appropriate.

Why on earth should teachers put themselves in danger getting between parents who don’t know how to behave?

The parents behaviour is not your concern, your sons behaviour is.

* I'd take his really seriously and save your anger for your son nit the school*

Very ...erm...helpful advice there...NOT

What the OP is describing sounds sensory...there are many reasons for that from boredom to immaturity to some kind of developmental issue.

Anger is not helpful in any of those circumstances.

Teachers are not there to referee parents who choose to act inappropriately.

Tbh I have felt that ds teacher doesn't like him.
Time to bow out.
You're going to be one of those who parrots the following lines over your child's education:

• they are fine for me at home
• X behaviour isn't really a concern
• i'm fed up with school calling me for meetings
• teacher is picking on my DC
• school are being unreasonable
• my child was only doing x y z so they shouldn't get a detention
• yeah but other people were...

And then in GCSE the following happens:

• why have you given my child a low effort/attitude score?
• you can't raise them as a concern for x y z
• why should I have to make them attend after school revision?
• why is my child underperforming?
• but they need a 4 to get into college!
• they're only not getting a 4 because the teacher doesn't like them
• i want my child to move classes becaude they aren't learning with their current teacher
• what do you mean you aren't offering intervention when children don't behave in class? Thry are behind in case you didn't realise
• i want to speak to head of year /head teacher to find out exactly why school is failing my child

You do seem to have an issue with the school in general OP.

Please consider putting your younger kids in nursery when the time comes. This sort of shit could have been flagged up earlier if he had gone. Eating books and smearing spit all over is not normal behaviour really and you’re getting hauled in because he school are concerned. You’d do better trying to work with them instead of being on the defense.

So if parents are arguing in the play ground swearing and all sorts the teachers aren't meant to say anything? Surely that's a concern.

It certainly is a concern. Whose concern, though?

Please, just ask the questions I suggested when you meet the teacher. Trust me, teachers have far better things to do than to meet parents because they're 'picking on you'.

Your child is exhibiting some unusual behaviour. That is a fact, whether or not you want to hear that.

You sound very defensive OP and a lot 'yes I know DS did this but look at what that lot over there did!'

I've been that parent in the school who's staff clearly didnt like me, trust me it's fucking horrible and heartbreaking when you're trying to get help for DS and being blocked at every turn.

Wanting you to come in and discuss DSs behaviour does NOT mean they don't like you. It means they're trying to help your son, is there something more to this OP because I feel like most schools are far too busy to be pulling parents in over the two incidents mentioned, what else has happened?

My mum never had the time to go into school about my sister's problems because she had 3 more at home. My poor sister.

So what if it's hard to take your baby and 3 year old in?

Do it anyway. Or don't have more kids than you can support.

My sister had similar issue. In her case her son was very much being stigmatised with a racial stereotype almost like they were trying to make it a self fulfilling prophecy. It got ridiculous, she may as well have moved I tot he school. Called out for things like"he doesn't want to play today we're worried about his social skills" She moved schools. He's fine.

So if parents are arguing in the play ground swearing and all sorts the teachers aren't meant to say anything? Surely that's a concern

No, ThisLittleKitty, teachers are not "meant to say anything" to unruly parents bickering on the playground. I'm not a bouncer.

Parent meetings are one of my least favourite things. If I am asking a parent to come discuss an issue, you can be sure the issue is quite dire indeed, and that I have exhausted all other resources available to me. Your son's teachers are very concerned. Please do the right thing for your boy by seeking professional assessment (and if you are told he has no SN, you can tell his teachers this).

It does sound unusual but not that strange. Im assuming he is a summer born? So hes been in a formal setting for 15m compared to 5y+ some may have been.
I could imagine a child doing this when bored and expected to sit still.
I think the fact some kids have been to nursery for so long is warping the expectations.
If hes not done this at home then in is likely stress/boredom etc/impulse

Some children enjoy pushing boundaries. At 5 they cannot comprehend the seriousness of their actions... Exclusion

My others won't be going to nursery but thank you very much.
either way I'm not getting him diagnosed with anything so won't matter if it's "picked up early"

He might not need a diagnosis of anything OP. But deliberately not trying to help if he ‘may’ need assessing just to rule shit out and blocking that path may mean a miserable school journey for him. Why you would want to do that is beyond me.

Try working with the school instead of thinking they’re against you. Or you can carry on getting hauled in twice a week. It’s up to you.

I only mentioned nursery as it would give you an idea how he behaved outside of home. If they had no concerns and neither did reception teacher then it would be odd.
As for not getting him diagnosed?!?! I'm not sure I understand. Any investigation into underlying issues would be in order for teachers to beat support him. And failing to get any issues investigated won't stop them existing.

Hi OP,

This might be of interest to you pica disorder

You are "not getting him diagnosed with anything"? You realise that he won't BE diagnosed if he doesn't actually have SN, right? Why not put your mind at ease just to be sure he gets the best possible support?

Poor little lad.

He might not need a diagnosis of anything OP. But deliberately not trying to help if he ‘may’ need assessing just to rule shit out and blocking that path may mean a miserable school journey for him. Why you would want to do that is beyond me.

Try working with the school instead of thinking they’re against you. Or you can carry on getting hauled in twice a week. It’s up to you

All of this.

You can work with school to support either:
Behavior management
Exploration of potental SEN needs

And get your child either the support he needs or implement thr boundaries he needs

Or, you can decide it's not your problem, be pissed off at school and potentially sell your child short, in turn making his entire educational journey more difficult.

You clearly prefer the 2nd option. That's quite sad.

As an undiagnosed autistic and ADHD child I can tell you OP that my school life was miserable.

Keep that in mind if the constant school meetings continue before blithely saying that you won't get him diagnosed with anything,

Hopefully it's just that he is immature due to lack of nursery attendance. That's not a criticism by the way....we send children to school and nursery far too early in my opinion. However those that don't attend DO have a disadvantage at the start of formal schooling. The likelihood though is that he will catch up as the year progresses and the meetings will cease.

You can’t be diagnosed with something that isn’t there

The school are telling you the behaviour is cause for concern, at the very least it’s a stress response. Rather than blaming the school have to tried to address what is causing it

My dd who has add and is high functioning asd never did anything unusual at school for me to be called in over. In fact I went into them.

However at home her favourite hobby was: chewing up bits of paper or books and also smearing spit on the wall. When she is nervous or anxious I still from time to time find little bits of paper hidden in her room.

I really hope you take this issue more seriously, OP.
Teacher doesn't have time to call you into meeting just to inconvenience you, or because he/she doesn't like your ds.

What about what his needs? As they get older, if those whatever he does continues, he may get unwanted reactions from fellow children. Spitting and spreading sound very unusual, certainly in yr1. Do you really think it's normal behaviour for 5 years old?
Teachers won't call you in to talk face to face unless they are really concerned. Everyday silly things are dealt with during school and they won't raise it with parents.

It maybe because of immaturity .
But he can't go on like this.
It really need to be resolved while he is still young. Otherwise it might get worse as he glow older. And some SEN, early intervention is the key and make his school life easier. You can't bury your head in the sand, you have responsibility for your dc.

You can't say someone has add or asd over chewing paper or spitting. It needs to be a lot more than that.

I will look at the link on pica thanks.

*grow