Constant meetings with the school

[ThisLittleKitty]

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

It's a big jump from reception to year one and it's not unusual for them to take a while to settle, however I agree with the posters who suggest asking if they think there is something causing the behaviour.

Exactly. I am not going to label him SN over something so small. People I've told IRL always say "oh x use to eat chalk" "So and so use to eat tissue" my little brother use to eat washing powder. He grew out of it and has never been diagnosed with any special needs.

You don’t need to “label” him. Nothing is diagnosed without a lot of investigation anyway.

But if School have concerns then burying your head in the sand and pretending that everything is fine does nothing to help him.

Listen to the schools concerns.

It’s true that everyone has an anecdote about what their little brother used to eat but I have to say that in my experience as a teacher children in Y1 who smear spit and eat books often do have additional needs - sensory processing, asd. I agree that the school are persistently and gently trying to give you a message which you are maybe not ready to hear.

Nobody wants to label him. But something is clearly going on. Spitting and rubbing it into a desk is disgusting and not typical behaviour. He's old enough now to know that books aren't for eating.
You need to work with the school to support him and find a way to stop these behaviours. Then they can stop calling you in.

I spent a lot of time meeting with my eldest daughters teacher when she was at primary school - she had some very strange behaviour, ripping up books, flushing pencils down the loo, many I don’t remember. Then she grew up, now a normal well adjusted 33 year old with a degree and a career. Still not entirely clear what the reason was. But not apparently special needs.

Your DC is obviously a cause for concern, get it sorted and they won't call you in.

I don't think spitting and nibbling books is a "cause for concern" I have no concerns about his behaviour at home.

OK. Hope he settles down.

For a child without ‘additional needs’ (for example, but not exclusively, sensory processing, autism, attachment disorder), eating paper or spitting/ smearing might happen, but would be likely to be simply dealt with by a ‘George, don’t do that’ approach. Maybe even (my personal bugbear) the ‘behaviour chart’ on the classroom wall would help.
However, if the simple, ‘typical’ approaches don’t ‘work’ to prevent the behaviour recurring, then calling parents to ascertain need and to consider assessment is sensible.

But the school does have concerns.

Interesting to hear all the parents say they didn’t want to see SN.

When I was getting called everyday every week I knew my ds had an and wanted school to support. Yet they wanted to tell me what ds did but not out in behaviour plan and support.

The one day I said to a teacher and Ht (wasnin juniors now) - I’m making an appointment with Camhs - unconvinced ds has ASD. They were like - yeah!

It had been recognised early on with infant school ringing me he had poor social communication - but they wanted me to solve it by talking to him and telling him to stop. Why they thought that would work when they couldn’t (and would t!) support I don’t know!

The spitting and chewing are sensory activities. It may be more prevalent in year 1 because there’s less moving around due to change of the way curriculum is delivered. Movement etc helps those with sponsors difficulties - which is why children like your ds benefit from ‘movement breaks’.

I am so pleased that so many parents are not being called into school but this is not everyone's experience.

When my grandson started school we very quickly started being called in for what on the surface seemed to be really innocuous reasons.

Talking in the dinner queue, pulling someone's shirt are two I remember. Fair enough speak to him but call us in - no way.My daughter was distraught there had never been any issues with his behaviour in any other setting and she felt something was going hideously wrong. Then one day she saw a fellow mum sobbing in her car and discovered she was experiencing exactly the same. They both asked around and it became clear a group of children seemed to be being targeted- all felt it was excessive and heavy handed and started complaining.

The school elevated the issues and started issuing serious incident teports that will stay on the childs permanent record.

My son in law picked him up one day and by coincidence a mate of his was collecting his son and they were both called in due to there having been a serious sexual incident involving the boys. It turned put they had been seeing who could pee the highest up the wall- would anyone in their right minds call that a serious sexual incident. Tell them off fair enough but that should have been it....they were 4 years old for gods sake doing something just about every boy has done

Both fathers ripped up the reports in front of the teachers and walked out. We removed our child from the school instantly and in 4 years at another school have never been called in again!!!

In hindsite this was an outstanding in all areas school in a posh estate. All the children targeted were the 6 or 7 that lived on the adjacent council estate. We complained to the governors and were told they had complete faith in their teachers and they did nothing.
We complained to the education authority who said they had the same complaint every year and they did nothing.
We informed Ofsted who continue to rate them outstanding in all areas.

Sorry but some schools and teachers are vile.

If you have no concerns about his behaviour at home, but spitting and eating books don’t come into a category of concern for you, could it just be that you have a very different set of behaviour standards to school so he is finding it difficult to adjust because he doesn’t think he’s doing anything silly?

If that’s the case it’s easier in the long run to crank things up at home and just have the same rules as school.

Tbh I have felt that ds teacher doesn't like him. My sister always says the school are "picking on me" not to sound paranoid that's just what she says. (She's a teacher herself) it's funny because there was a massive argument in the play ground a few months back and not one of the teachers stepped in or said anything.

Children urinating in front of others can be a sign you need to take very seriously. Glad that it was looked into because it might have been really vital for one of those children that it was picked up regardless of how low level you thought it was.

A massive argument between parents? Police are the folks to sort that out!

Sounds like the school have concerns. In your situation I would be grateful for the time they were giving me to discuss this.

Yeh well you would think they would say something though surely?! It was infront of children "I bought your babies pram because you was on cocaine" it was like a scene on Jeremy Kyle. Just think it's funny nothing was said. They stood by pretending they couldn't hear.

Your son must be really bad as its really inconvenient, unpleasant, and time consuming to have parents in
I'd take his really seriously and save your anger for your son nit the school

I don't think spitting and nibbling books is a "cause for concern" I have no concerns about his behaviour at home

Seriously? 🙄

So if parents are arguing in the play ground swearing and all sorts the teachers aren't meant to say anything? Surely that's a concern