Constant meetings with the school

[ThisLittleKitty]

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

Well we’ll never be any the wiser if the OP chooses not to come back and give some more information.

If these meetings are so regular, then he does have an additional need and requires support to manage his behaviour.

The meetings should focus on determining the behaviour and what can be put in place in school to improve things and enable him to manage his behaviour in school more effectively. An action plan with success criteria and a review is what should be happening. The school should be able to say what they will do and how parents can support that.

It depends on how badly behaved your child is doesn't it? I presume they are not calling in every single parent in the school all the time.

I expect they are trying to intervene to help avoid bigger problems for your child later.

I know you feel defensive of your parenting and your son but the sensible thing is to listen and really try your hardest to take on board advice about how to change your son's behaviour.

Teachers are incredibly busy and all the time they spend with you talking about your child is time they lose from their own families and private lives. So they would not be doing it lightly.

While it is easy to berate the OP for her son's behaviour, it is also possible in this day and age to address concerns in a way that doesn't involve her physically going in.

Why?

We're not all so busy we can't afford to go in and help our child out who is clearly struggling. From my experience, I am only ever physically called in if DSs behaviour is really bad that day, it's only happened once since he started and it involved me being met by a rather cross looking HT on arrival. Otherwise it's just usually a quick chat with the class teacher at the end of the day with "he's not had a good day" - followed with explanation of why or a quick sent on his way to me in the yard with a thumbs up from class teacher.

Jf yours being called in regularly then your son clearly needs support from somewhere, these meetings give you the opportunity to ask them what support they have in place for him to curb the behaviours which in turn will prevent you having to come into school so often.

If these meetings are so regular, then he does have an additional need and requires support to manage his behaviour
I hate jumping from 'child is badly behaved' to 'child has additional needs'.

SOME children who display challenging behaviour have additional needs.

But bad behaviour and additional needs aren't the same.

It's amazing the impact of home attitudes to school on behaviour.

All SEND children I teach have parents who are hugely supportive of school, don't have the attitude of the OP and tjeir children settle and thrive.

I've met a lot of badly behaved children who have no boundaries at home, rule the roost, go out when they like, argue back, don't follow rules etc and then when school put sanctions in place tje parents act like it is school's fault.

This year my top one was 'I'm fed up with you lot telling me you're giving my DC a detention for some stupid rule' (stupid rule was uniform issues, rude to staff, no homework, missing detentions, poor language etc) Unsurprisingly, it was obvious where the child got their attitude.

There are children who don't need additional support managing behaviour. They just need to do as they are told.

Sorry. I just see so many familes with kids with additional needs struggle with the system, we bust our gut to get mentor sessions and support in place, and kids who need CAMHS support struggle to get the input they need etc So it really winds me up seeing people try and lump bad behavipur with additional needs because 'Little darling needs support. What are you doing school?'

Our school ask for meeting over fairly minor issues such as moving up or down a set in a subject. But we have about 85% SAHM or part time workers.

Just tell them it's not convenient to come for a meeting but you're happy to telephone or Skype?

We’ve been having meetings with school about DS1 (year 1) about every 2-3 weeks this term, but he was diagnosed with autism last term, so the meetings regularly scheduled ones and are more about keeping everyone updated with how he’s getting on than because there’s loads of bad behaviour.

We did have several cases where we were called in to school at short notice to discuss DS1’s behaviour, before the school nursery teacher flagged up possible SEN and advised we get DS1 referred to a paediatrician to be checked out.

As pp say, schools don’t generally call parents in for meetings lightly. Are the school talking about how action plans at all? Whether they’re putting any steps in place to try and address behaviour at school?

The behaviour must be pretty dire to merit all those meetings. What is the school saying? Are they wanting to know if he is that difficult at home?

I had to call a parent today to arrange a time for her to come and meet with our deputy head. I couldn't tell her what the meeting was for as this is confidential information that I have no need to know.

It's not that the person calling you WON'T tell you, they probably don't know all the details.

Schools have far too much going on to request meetings spuriously. If they are calling you that often then there is a real problem and you need to work with school and your child to remedy it.

OP?

Pengggwn
It's a joke. But not surprising given that there is a parent on MN who thinks it was harsh to keep a child in for talking and disrupting the learning

At the point of multiple meetings school will already have been trying differnet things, looking at support the success if which seems to be linked to parent attitude in my experience

We have a couple of students at the 'evidence gathering' stage. We've put loads in place and it has limited effect. All the intervention is listed, all meetings, isolatipns, positive incidents, negative incidents, class moves etc. It's building a case for a managed move because clearly what we do isn't working.

No no bullying. What a massive jump to assume I'm the mother of the bully. The first was that he was spitting, not at anyone but on his desk then wiping it around and in his hands. I spoke to him about this and it has stopped. The second was that he had been eating bits of his books. They should really tell me what it is on the phone though otherwise it is worrying. And no baby sitters unfortunately so both children will have to come with me.

That is just two incidents, yet you said "constantly" .So what have the other incidents been?

Surely you're not having constant meetings about these two issues? One of which is resolved.
Maybe the person calling you doesn't know exactly what's going on. Safeguarding means they may not share stuff with receptionist staff etc.

two meetings in one week is excessive surely?! And like I said they wouldn't tell me what it's about.

So you have had two meetings so far then not loads.

How old is he?

Well this will be the 3rd. He is 5

How do you know he has no SEN? I suspect they’re trying to bring you round to the idea that you’re not right in that assumption. Bluntly, those aren’t things that NT children do (my child has SEN)

But they have told you. You said in your op; it's about his behaviour. Again. You don't need to know the specifics to understand that there's an issue that you need to deal with?

While it is easy to berate the OP for her son's behaviour, it is also possible in this day and age to address concerns in a way that doesn't involve her physically going in

I work in a school. You'd be amazed how many parents refuse to answer the phone or respond to voicemails from the School. Especially if they have an inkling that the reason for the call is behaviour or attendance. I'm not saying that this is the case with OP but it may well be something the school have dealt with many times before.

Also, I have to say that the last thing any school "wants" is constant meetings with parents. These meetings are often very time consuming and the staff attending are likely to be delayed going home and could be getting on with planning, marking etc. So they really aren't called just for the hell of it.

I thought the same jiggly

The problem if they give too much detail on the phone is then you tend to start discussing it then rather than actually sitting down to get to the bottom of the issue.

It sounds like School have genuine, understandable, concerns. Sit with them and discuss how to help him