Constant meetings with the school

[ThisLittleKitty]

I feel like my sons school is constantly calling me about something. They seem to want constant meetings with me, I had one on Monday now another one tomorrow! Aibu in thinking this is excessive. They never say what it is on the phone and I feel like I'm constantly being dragged in with my baby and 3 year old. (As you can imagine meetings are diffcult with a baby and a 3 year old) this time they again won't say other than it's "about his behaviour" (this is primary school btw and no SN) how often would you expect to have meetings with the school? How much is too much?

Specifically what it's about then. Rather than just "his behaviour". No I don't think SN at all. The school has also never mentioned any SN concerns.

Did he go to nursery? Did they have any concerns? That is rather odd behaviour.

We spoke about the book eating on Monday. I thought it was done. She also didn't say I would be called back in for another meeting two days later. So I don't think it's related. I'm not sure why he's eating books.

No he didn't go to nursery.

Are the meetings productive? Do they help? What are they doing about his behaviour if it's happening on their time and it mystified you?

Obviously they need to tell you and work with you but meetings for meetings sake are not very useful.

My son does SN...I was called in three times in one day once!...you think you've got it tough!

(he is no longer at that school...2nd school have more support and less meetings)

From the 2 examples you've given it sounds like school probably want to push for SEN assessment but ypu don't want to hear it.
So they call you in for meetings because it's easier to do things like this face to face but you very much think DC is at school so it's their issuem
Thry can't go through assessment without your support so he'll stay in mainstream without support (if needed) & things will grt worse.

Or, there's more to it than just 2 incidents. I can think of a child who would chew paper and spit it out around others/on their work. They were just a naughty child who had enabling parents who excused it.

We're just strangers on the internet. We don't know it all. But the consensus is to engage with the school and drop the attitude.

Why do you think no SN

No he definitely doesn't have SN.
Just annoying they can't tell me on the phone and having to take a baby and 3 year old to the meetings as last time baby cried alot so it was difficult but like I said really no baby sitters unfortunately.

I hate jumping from 'child is badly behaved' to 'child has additional needs'.

MaisyPops I wasn't jumping from child is badly behaved to child has additional needs!

Just because I mentioned he clearly needs support does not mean = SNs but it does mean he needs support somewhere. A badly behaved child will still need some support somewhere, the DCs old school had a whole separate building for the badly behaved children! It was easy to squirrel them away in there you see when important folks like Ofsted came round.

If a child is being badly behaved, then they need intervention/a plan/SUPPORT to help them stop this and behave properly/appropriately. I didnt jump to SNs conclusion. You did.

Is there a reason he didn't go to nursery?

Is he finding it a bit of a shock to the system to be in a school environment?

So why is he spitting and eating books? Can he tell you or someone st School?

She also didn't say I would be called back in for another meeting two days later.

Well presumably she wouldn't be clairvoyant enough to do that.

Why are you so definite that he has no extra needs? Can you explain his behaviour? Maybe you need to go to these meetings with an open mind.

Eating books is really not a neuro typical thing for a child to do. Neither is spitting and rubbing it around on a desk which is really rank .

I know a couple of kids who do this kind of thing and both are currently being assessed for additional needs.

JonSnowsWife
Additional needs is used around mycircles with SN.

The thing is (and I know this isn't always popular) most children behave witj firm boundaries, praise and sanction.
It's really difficult to instil that in school if ypu've got home essentially sayinh 'don't bother me'. It makes the whole thing more difficult.

I was a sahm so didn't really see the need for nursery. That's all really. He's in year one and went to reception so definitely not a shock. The teacher actually said could be anxiety or sensory but I definitely wouldn't go as far as to label him special needs. It could have been something as simple as boredom!

I ate the middle out of a book when I was that age, I had a wobbly tooth and liked the way it felt.

It's notable that you don't see anything unusual or worrying about this. They clearly do. They work with hundreds of small children.

I wonder if he stops doing these things when asked by staff or if the issue is more to do with him not doing as he's asked?

They should really tell me what it is on the phone though otherwise it is worrying.

Well presumably they say what my DCs schools say to me "Nothing to worry about (Translation: DC not ill they're fine) BUT X/Y/Z happened today and we need to have a chat".

I'm a single parent. I've had to cancel two appointments already this week because there is no one to have the DCs for me. Such is life. I'd still try and find a way of fitting school in if they needed me to have a chat with and that'd involve taking the DCs with me.

So every week is actually 3 times?

I usually get a call from DDs school most days and at least a meeting a week. She has additional needs and pretty challenging behaviour. I expect they are worried , why aren't you?

Children with sensory issues have additional needs. And it’s not ‘labelling’.

I’ll be honest with you OP, my DS had been described in loads of polite ways at pre-school and in reception which were trying desperately in a very British polite way to tell me he had additional needs. But I didn’t want to hear it so I didn’t. It wasn’t until his year 1 teacher said ‘well obviously he has autism’ that the penny finally dropped (actually his diagnosis is much more complex than that but that’s irrelevant).

My point is that I didn’t recognise it because I didn’t want to.

Maybe he has no SEN. But I would start that conversation with them if I were you - ‘Do you think there’s something underlying this behaviour?’ ‘Is this usual behaviour for a 5 year old in your experience?’ Ask the questions. If they don’t think there is anything else at play here, great. But this is not neurotypical behaviour. And that’s I suspect what they’re (very politely and Britishly) trying to communicate with you

Jiggly

It's interesting you say that. It's been my impression that there's a real reluctance to raise this in a very direct way with parents

He's only young, I wouldn't think spitting and messing with it or 'eating books' (I'm assuming he's eating a bit of A page as opposed to eating the entire of War & Peace??) would make anyone jump to him having SEN surely? When I was that age I remember my classmates eating glue, painting everything but the paper and peeing in the playground - none of them had SEN!