To say that the UK is not a Rape Culture?

[PatriarchyPersonified]

So I have had an argument with a lady I work with today that has ended with her calling me the "Patriarchy Personified", hence the name.

She claimed that the UK was a Rape Culture. I completely disagree and it feels like this is more creeping 'third wave' bullshit.

If you look at the definition of Rape Culture which is:

a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.

Then it's clear that she is wrong. I don't disagree that there are elements of UK society that I would argue probably are characterised in this way, but you can not describe the whole UK in those terms.

She was extremely unhappy to be challenged, I work with her on a weekly basis and I've got a feeling I'm not going to have heard the last of this!

I think most of us are working off the definition posted in the OP:

a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.

It's likely not helped by the fact that women seem to prefer 'assertive' men over nice guys on the whole. It encourages men to overstep boundaries IMO (not to rape but perhaps to be a bit too forthcoming).

The OP is villified for mansplaining a concept that women claim he can have no feasible understanding of, given that he is adopting an inherently male perspective. Those same women then go on to claim to understand precisely how men have been encultured to rape, that they internalize the constant messages transmitted by a resultant rape culture that is all pervading and unavoidable. In other words they claim to know exactly how men think, and precisely how those same men action those thoughts. They claim to know in detail the thought processes that those men undertake, and the way in which they rationalize the concept of rape.

No, he wasn't criticised for not being able to understand a concept in principle - but because he patently had no idea what he was talking about. There are many men who can understand sex crimes, indeed men who work with them in different capacities. I've worked with men who have a very good understanding of them.

I would never claim men couldn't understand sexual victimisation indeed I think it's fairly straightforward, and anyway a significant % of child abuse victims are male and 15% of rape victims are male. The OP could have understand he just chose not to listen.

They are, of course, talking tripe. Because if the OP can't possibly understand, or indeed does not have the right to attempt to understand a female point of view on the subject of rape, then they can claim no legitimacy for their own as to how and why men think and act the way they do.

There's no reason women can't understand sexual predation. First there are some female sex offenders, secondly women are on the receiving end and therefore are witnesses to the behaviours and patterns involved, and thirdly, some women work with sex offenders, research sex offending and are perfectly capable of reading all the available work on the subject carried out by both men and women.

Discussion of sexual predation does not consist of women speculating in a cupboard.

So you’re still blaming women then stig?

Ever been told you’re ‘too nice’? Ever been friendzoned?

I’ve heard it all now
It’s the women’s fault that men overstep boundaries, because they all prefer bad boys
Your posts are getting more and more ridiculous and offensive.
Surely you’re being goady on purpose. Either that or you’re just ignorant and stupid.

I give up. You can't argue with stupid. The list of things to challenge is too long and some posters too bigoted to process the very informed and astute comments on here.

Just stop Stig, you're digging bigger holes for yourself with every post.

He knows what he’s doing. The frustrating thing is (like the OP) that he thinks he’s being all revolutionary and bold, when we’ve all heard this bollocks a thousand times.

The only new argument I’ve seen on this thread was the idea of a sub-category, which I would have liked to hear more about. I think I still would have disagreed to be honest, but it seemed like it would be an interesting conversation.

Pumper

Ever been told you’re ‘too nice’? Ever been friendzoned?

AIBU thread from yesterday:

"See I usually date absolute control freaks (I must admit I like the traditional gender roles/not having to making decisions/being swept off my feet). I feel he's gone from a 8/10 to a wet 4/10. AIBU?"

In what world does that answer my question Stig?

Thing is. I do pretty well with the opposite sex in general. I'm not the most PC (unless I need to be) and I can make most women I meet laugh.

Why would I want to change my attitude?

And what were the responses to that post Stig - to a (wo)man - posters replied they would hate men to make decisions for them and her stereotyped ideas were why she ended up dating arseholes.

stig

So is that a yes or a no...its a yes itsnt it

The freind zone bit...not the being told you are too nice, i doubt that's happened

As long as you stick with women of low IQ and lower expectations you will be fine Stig.

He knows what he’s doing

Och aye. He's on the wind up, but making a massive dick of himself in the process.

Urgh.

My friend's brother is a real lefty bloke who identifies as a 'feminist'. Really 'sensitive' and PC. I feel he'd be a hit on here but few women in real life seem to be attracted to him. I've heard the phrase 'wet lettuce' used before.

I can believe that women laugh around him though.

Ah, someone posted it in AIBU, so all women must think it

Funny how when one woman shares her experience of sexual assault/harrassment it’s “anecdote”, and when another woman shares an opinion that backs up your bollocks argument, it’s “evidence”.

I’m not too PC (unless I need to be)

I can absolutely imagine you being a manipulative type who keeps his less savoury opinions hidden. For fairness, you should walk around with a t shirt saying “Some rapes are just misunderstandings” on it.

You realise you’ve completely proved the point about rape culture, yes?

There are 1000s of lonely men in the internet claiming to have friends Stig.

Hahaha he thinks he’s putting us down