To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

[Catbell82]

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!!

What Kitty said. Was just coming on to say the same.

This would totally piss me off OP and you are not unreasonable to be annoyed. So rude.

Just ask someone else. Just be honest and say a space has come up, is X free?

Pasta best got it

Invite the bro or sis of another child 's mum can have a few Xmas hours to herself!

Has everyone completely skipped reading the OP fully and missed the bit where she said she wouldn’t actually ask the Mum this in RL but was she BU to be annoyed about it!?

If she wasn't even slightly considering it she wouldn't have posted here, with that title. Garnering opinions on whether to do it while still being able to deny ever having considered actually doing it. Well played, OP, well played.

No you can't ask for payment. That's ridiculous. She let you know that her child can't attend.

You can’t ask, but she should offer. I offered a few weeks ago when my dc pulled out of a party last minute.....but they didn’t say yes please.

I’ve invited siblings when this has happened at my kids parties. The parent is usually incredibly grateful to have two going to the party even if they stay. It made me feel less bothered and annoyed at the person letting me down!

Someone is bound to turn up with an sibling that wasn't even invited. Problem sorted. (You can't ask for money btw)

December birthdays are always a pain. DDs the 12th, this always happens, even when you have asked what dates suits and done invites ridiculously early. I usually end up asking a parent please could I borrow a sibling, particularly as like last year numbers where crucial. Only 7 invitees and DD but it was teams for a pony party. Usually find that most parents will jump at the chance to lose another child, so they can wrap of shop. Horrid that they cancel but....

Confused by this as you've already paid so you're not losing out any money anyway. Presumably when you booked it, it was made clear to you that there were no refunds.

Just invite another child. Say 'a space has opened up, and X has chosen your child. I know it is short notice but would they like to come?'

I've done this because something came up out of the blue cost wise and I couldn't afford a present to take. It could be something like that.

You shouldn't ask, she shouldn't offer. Just invite someone else verbally. Or don't.

Omg how awful of you. Yes you are being unreasonable. Yes it is bloody annoying as it’s happened to me but when you booked this party, you were fully aware that it was non refundable and therefore took that chance!!

Don’t ask - you have paid for it regardless of whether kids turn up.

I don’t get this ‘the money would be spent anyway’ No it wouldn’t. If the invite had been refused in the first place OP wouldnt have paid £15. But she did as she was told the kid was coming.

So ‘something has come up’ isn’t good enough. It’s fucking rude knowing someone has forked out for your child and then ducking out like that.

If it is a genuine illness then she should explain and apologise and offer to pay (and of course OP should refuse)

If it’s a shitty reason then the woman should pay.

Of course you’d look bad if you ask and you can’t. You have to suck it up. But YADNBU to be pretty pissed off at the shitty explanation and the lack of offer of payment.

YABU. You're not out of pocket as you've already paid and if the child attended you'd have to pay anyway. Find someone else to fill the place if it makes you feel better. If you're that petty don't invite child to future parties and explain to the mother why.

People always drop out. Just invite someone else / ask a sibling / chill out

I dint think you can ask the mum to pay for that space.
But the mum is still rude to say YES (I imagine you booked and paid the place after Numbers wee confirmed) and then say NO.

I’ve had people doing that to dc2, ended up with us having to cancel said party because the numbers got so low. They were all ‘polite’ by etting me know 3 days in advance.
In reality, we lost money (not the most important thing) but dc2 git very hurt in the process (not good at all in my books).

When you say YES to an invite, sorry you shouldn’t be then changing your mind atbthe last minute. That’s rude and letting people down.

The OP has lost the money because of the mother hadn’t said YES in the first place, she wouldn’t have paid the £15 in the first Place!

I always used to book for one child less than I needed for this reason. Someone always drops out.

Though one time they did all come so I had to ask the venue if they could squeeze another one in (it was soft play so no big deal) and they did. But usually at least one dropped out.

I wouldn't be offended if my child was asked at the last minute.

If it’s a shitty reason then the woman should pay.

And who gets to judge that? Is there a sliding scale of acceptable reasons? It’s none of the OPs business why the child can’t make it. And ridiculous to say the mum should offer. It’ not the mum’s fault the OP chose somewhere ridiculously expensive for a party venue.

I'm amazed everyone is saying you are being unreasonable. I'm pretty sure it's because they haven't read the OP which CLEARLY states that the OP wouldn't actually ask the parent to pay but wonders if she is being h reasonable to feel annoyed.

Id be a bit disappointed but I would appreciate the fact the parent has been honest and hasn't just pretended their kid was sick or just not pitched up. Usually three days would be enough time to find a replacement.

So YANBU to feel a bit miffed but it's not that bad really.

All the posters who are 'outraged' at your behavior even though they seem to have ignored your OP are being VERY unreasonable indeed.

You have to suck it up. Happened to us loads of time - on the day itself - racing party £25 a head. Annoying but nothing you can do without looking ridiculous.

Yabu. If I had to cancel my child going to a party at short notice I'd apologise but never offer to pay. I wouldn't feel obliged to give a reason either. It's just one of those things. I've had children just not turn up before. But my dd is only 5 so parties are big - and would never cost 15 a head!

And who gets to judge that?

The woman who has bailed out. If I were her I’d offer to pay unless my child was seriously ill. I’d never think ‘well she shouldn’t have booked somewhere pricey’ I’d think, ‘how nice for the mum to invite my daughter and spend money she may not easily be able to lose to make her child happy. I’ll try to make it or offer her the money back’

I personally think the ‘tough you shouldn’t have spent the money’ attitude a bit spiteful really.