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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

187 replies

Catbell82 · 06/12/2017 14:03

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!! Angry

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 06/12/2017 14:25

Sadly in real life, where there is no real genuine reason, there are people who are incredibly selfish and give no thought to the inconvenience of others. Probably will pass that attitude on to their children.

Cockmagic · 06/12/2017 14:25

No way!

My DDS party was the 2nd December 12.95 a head (bowling party) and she invited 15 kids, 13 turned up.

YABU it's just one of those things!

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2017 14:25

Yabvvu, this happens, you just cannot do that!

expatinscotland · 06/12/2017 14:26

YABU

Topseyt · 06/12/2017 14:26

No, you can't do that. Just ask someone else.

You have no idea what the reason could be. It could be very personal, like illness or death in the family. Or it could be mundane. Don't do this and leave a bad taste.

RedSkyAtNight · 06/12/2017 14:27

You have no idea what the "something that has come up" is either. Of course she might just have got a better offer, but it might, for example, be some sort of family crisis, ill health etc. Asking her to pay in these situations would make you look even more petty.

snowflakestar · 06/12/2017 14:28

At least they told you. We paid the same and had a couple of children just not turn up!

ButchyRestingFace · 06/12/2017 14:29

COME BACK AND FIGHT, OP!!!!!. 🤺🔫🤺

I mean, ahem... YABU. Blush

ZigZagandDustin · 06/12/2017 14:30

I think a few cancellations/no shows are to be expected. Write it off. You can't control what others do or their manners.

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 06/12/2017 14:32

Not unreasonable to be pissed off bit you can't ask her for the money!

ISpeakJive · 06/12/2017 14:32

It’s the risk you take when you have to pay in advance. Just chalk it down to experience.

fruitbrewhaha · 06/12/2017 14:32

Just invite someone else, no one will be offended at not making the first list. Or a sibling can come too.
Really it's not a big deal, it happens all the time and it's no one fault.

Shakey15000 · 06/12/2017 14:32

YABU

Chewbecca · 06/12/2017 14:33

YABU, you are paying the very same as you planned to pay, it isn't costing you any more.

KERALA1 · 06/12/2017 14:34

You are in thè right op but if you ask for the mo dh you will be forever viewed as a tight weirdo. It is not worth the fifteen pounds

Battleax · 06/12/2017 14:35

You can however text and say "just to warn you that if you book there they don't issue refunds so close to a party date. So disappointed not to have little Johnny attend, hope you are all well"

Do NOT do this OP Grin

Just take it on the chin. It's a risk of these things.

nibora · 06/12/2017 14:35

Were parents supposed to be paying for their children to come? I don't understand.

jennawade · 06/12/2017 14:36

can't you ask a sibling or a cousin to fill the space?

this is pretty common by the way - don't sweat the small stuff!

reluctantbrit · 06/12/2017 14:56

Aehm, no. I only did once a party where I had to pay per head and had one child dropping out 3 days before due to the mum's inability to look at the calendar (happened more than once but in general I didn't mind having a child more or less).

I managed to invite another child not connected to school and was open that a space had come up and if she was free I would love to see her. But in reality I already wrote off the money.

Grumblepants · 06/12/2017 15:00

We had 7 people drop out of our wedding the week before we got married. It was a waste of a load of money and pissed me off royally, but it's life and you just have to take it on the chin and get over it. People can be rude and thoughtless at times. Hope he has a lovely party anyway.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 06/12/2017 15:21

The guest let you know a few days in advance. What more could she do if there's a genuine reason?

Some people might not have even bothered to tell you and just not turned up!

Annoying, I agree, but she was polite about it and did nothing wrong.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 06/12/2017 15:22

You will pay regardless of whether he turns up or not. Just smile and say thanks for letting me know, DS will be disappointed, perhaps we can get them together another time.. and then see if anyone else wants to come...

PuppyMonkey · 06/12/2017 15:23

Well, it might be short notice but you could at least ask if someone else in the class can make it. Just say something vague like distant cousin XXX has dropped out and there's a spare place now (don't say "you didn't make it on the A list' but there's a space now" or anything too blunt like that Grin)

But like everyone says, you've paid the £15 now and wouldn't get it back if the kid turned up as planned, so what difference would it actually make if there's fewer people there?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 06/12/2017 15:25

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December.

If you can’t afford it you shouldn’t have booked it. The money is spent whether the child comes or doesn’t so you aren’t losing any more money by them not coming. You can’t ask them to pay.

Allthingsbluetoo · 06/12/2017 15:27

Not great but there isn't much you can do.
Think of paying the whole fee for the whole party rather than per child.