To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

[Catbell82]

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!!

[Lovelymess]

It's a pain but just invite someone else?!

[Originalfoogirl]

spend money she may not easily be able to lose to make her child happy.
More fool her for spending money she couldn’t afford to lose. But she hasn’t. She invited x number of children then booked, so she is no worse off than if the child was going. If she budgeted for x number of children and that’s too much of a stretch, then that’s her look out.

[mindutopia]

I would consider it a 'discount' on the four extra siblings who show up that you'll end up being charged for. At least now you'll only pay for 3.

No, really, you can't. It's the risk of having a party. Next time have it somewhere you don't have to pay per head.

[Originalfoogirl]

I personally think the ‘tough you shouldn’t have spent the money’ attitude a bit spiteful really.
I find the “oh I should pay up because I cancelled” attitude spineless. That’s not how the world works. She gave 3 days notice, that’s plenty time to fill the space, and, oh yeah, she’ll still have the same bill at the end of it.

[iMogster]

My 5 yr old had a £10 per head party. 2 dropped out 3ish days before and so I invited 2 siblings that were my 7 yr olds age. Not ideal, but hey it happens.

My DS1 went to an 8 year olds party couple of weeks ago and it was a £15 per head party, only 8 children invited. 2 didn't show and didn't even message. This is really crap, not just the money but the fact the birthday boy could have invited other close friends but was limited on numbers.

[MarrowWang]

3 days notice is fine for inviting someone else IMO.

When we did a party for DD at a soft play place, we booked it for the minimum 10 people. And then just paid per head for who showed up ontop. Seemed to be best all round. Also stopped the endless stressing about if people bother to RSVP or not

[MatildaTheCat]

Ask another child. Maybe the sibling of a good friend? Better than wasting the place.

Or, if there’s a chance that the mother doesn’t realise you’ll still have to pay you could text and say, ‘we are so sorry something has come up but since we will have to pay for the place anyway do let us know if Your plans change again and Jonny is free.’

I’d be irritated by this but that’s life.

[SkyIsTooHigh]

I don't understand the logic of why the mum should offer to pay. It hasn't cost you any extra. Your child will have a lovely time either way. The affordability is set by how many are invited, it doesn't become less affordable if someone pulls out. Just use the place efficiently and offer it to a sibling or try your lucky asking to trading it for some tea/coffee/voucher on the day (unlikely to work!)

I'd be appalled to be offered the £15 and certainly wouldn't take it. It would sound like an offer of payment in lieu of services rendered - by her child - in turning up to a party. Ugh!

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

You can't ask for her to pay op and I'm sure you know that. But it's very annoying. Understandable that kids are sick but saying 'something has come up' sounds like they got a batter offer! If I was going to let someone down last minute I'd at least give a decent explanation.

[1DAD2KIDS]

YABU, completely.

[waterrat]

Omg. Never ever would I offer or expect to pay. Its annoying for you but that is it...just mildly annoying.

Honestly if 15pounds is a lot of money for you you must be pretty short of money and maybe shouldnt have had that sort of party.

[streetlife70s]

I personally think the ‘tough you shouldn’t have spent the money’ attitude a bit spiteful really.

Meh, you say spineless, I say polite / manners.

OP if you’re AIBU is about your feelings then no, YANBU but it’s a shame you can’t really do anything about it as the general consensus of most people is ‘suck it up sister’

[mathanxiety]

YABU.

She had the grace to call you to back out. Presumably she hoped that was enough time to round up another child. Invite a sibling of one of the attendees.

I bet you will find a few no shows (and no explanation or apology either) at the party on the day.

[hibbledobble]

Yabu

But this is why I never have birthday parties in a pay per child venue.

I have had 8 no shows one year. Not one of them even bothered to tell me they weren't coming. This was on top of the predictable one or two children who are sick on the day, and the parents let me know of.

[HolyShet]

Of course you can't ask her to pay
That would be beyond rude
It's not a fucking contract accepting a party invitation
And of course its fine to invite someone else up to an including the morning of the party tbh little kids don't care

[GloriaGutbucket]

If that happened to me I'd probably think "bother, that's fifteen quid I've wasted" And then fill the space with another child. It really won't be that difficult. Then I'd feel OK again.

It would not occur to me to ask for the fifteen quid from the parent.
It's illogical. It's not a contract.

[LittlePaintBox]

YABU. Ask another child.

[littlequestion]

I really think it's OK to do a late invitation to the other child. Everyone knows that parties are a number game and they will probably be quite happy to know they were first reserve.

[Rooooooood]

I think a late invite for a kids birthday is ok too.

[HermioneIsMe]

Well I repeat again.
Ones and times again we have on MN threads about people not turning up to b’day parties that they said they were coming to.
We have stories about so many children deciding they have a better offer that no one comes to the party.
And everything, people say that the people taking another better offer at the last minute (and 3 days is last minute) or not turning are rude.

This woman WAS rude to act like this.

I also remember clearly a story where one parent DID ask a parent who had second 5ougyts about paying too. Plenty of people then were saying how wrong it was to say yes to a party and then decide not to go.

But suddenly in this thread, the mum is great but she is telling the OP 3 days in advance that her dd isn’t coming?
Weird.

[Zero2Hero]

Had someone accepting a party invitation and not showing up on the day, no warning and no apology afterwards either. Months later the no show let slip her mother couldn't be 'bovvered' to drive her there.
£15 needlessly down the drain.
Op, you are perfectly right to be annoyed but I would just let it go and invite someone else.

[Tiredeypops]

Honestly much worse things happen at sea

[missymayhemsmum]

You could call the parent, express disappointment as the venue is booked, and if the issue is that she can't get him there offer to collect/ take him with you?

Or invite someone's sibling/ another friend.

[HolyShet]

I don't think its "great" Hermione but people have complicated lives. She's declined with reasonable notice. Someone else can take the place. It's fine and we should all assume a genuine reason.

If I were OP I would just be disappointed on behalf of my kid if one of their closer friends couldn't make it.

[Lashalicious]

It is disappointing but it should be easy to invite another person. Don’t hold it against this mother, she probably has a good reason, give her the benefit of the doubt. It would just not be a kind thing to do, it would be worse than her canceling. Petty to call her up and demand she pay. All the parents will see you as that mom.