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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

187 replies

Catbell82 · 06/12/2017 14:03

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!! Angry

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 06/12/2017 15:27

YABU. You would pay for it regardless of whether the child attended or not. For all you know the 'something' that came up was a death in the family or something else truly horrible. Just be a good host and forget about the £15.

Darlingsof · 06/12/2017 15:33

YABU, ask someone else short notice and say you got an extra space last minute, if they are free they.re free if they're not they're not.

roundaboutthetown · 06/12/2017 15:36

I presume you are paying for all the children who can attend, or are your charging them, too???!

Bibidy · 06/12/2017 15:38

I'm quite surprised at these responses!

I would 100% offer to pay for my child's place if they had to drop out of a party last minute, especially if it was somewhere I knew had been paid for per head, I think it's pretty bad grace not to.

why12345 · 06/12/2017 15:38

Yes you are BU! Pay it or invite someone else.
Is it really worth the other Mom thinking you're a complete loon over £15?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/12/2017 15:39

This sort of thing happens, there might even be a good reason why they have to cancel at this late stage. It's so common here that most party venues either calculate your payment after they've done a head count, or they are flexible for two or three children more or less than you have booked for. For one of DS's parties I invited about 14, 8 (ish) accepted, 1 turned up (plus DD). I had to pay for 8, which was two less than the 10 that I had confirmed for. There was a LOT of left-over pizza and birthday cake.

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 15:42

@Bibidy but this person hasn't offered to pay so op wants to ask which I think is really rude.

BunsOfAnarchy · 06/12/2017 15:43

You wouldn't do this at a wedding...You wouldn't do this at a kids party either. None of the parents have paid for their kids to attend...so she would need to pay for hers NOT to attend??

I know it's annoying but....You know yourself this is an unfair ask.

listsandbudgets · 06/12/2017 15:46

YABU.

Grit your teeth though as someone nearly always brings a sibling or two. The place will get used up don't worry

listsandbudgets · 06/12/2017 15:47

Sorry hit send too soon - probably your next post will be complaining that you had to pay for EXTRA children to attend which can happen unless you're very firm

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 15:50

Op, seriously. Get a grip, you can’t be invoicing people for 15 quid who can’t come to your kids party. Your poor son will never have anyone attend a party again or everyone will only confirm at the last minute. He will probably also get bullied as that kid who’s parents charge folks for not coming ro his party. Plus you’d make it into the daily fails hall of crazies.

Really. You need to go and sit in a darkened room till the urge to do this safely passes.

Pagwatch · 06/12/2017 15:50

It's annoying but no, you can't ask for the money

Katedotness1963 · 06/12/2017 15:50

We stopped having birthday parties after booking one at soft play for 12 kids and one showed up!! Managed to persuade his mum and younger brother to stay too but I was not happy when it was time to sit at our birthday decorated table with so many spaces, and had to pay in full...

Had also decided against the usual plastic crap goodie bags and had got my husband to buy each guest a Webkins when he went to America on a business trip a few weeks before.

www.webkinz.com

SeptimusClaw · 06/12/2017 15:51

You can't ask. Realise this is annoying though

Mamabear4180 · 06/12/2017 15:52

£15 per child! Shock it's crazy how much parties are going up in price! I'd just hire a hall in future and do party games. My DD's 8th birthday cost £46 for the hall and around £30 for food. They played pass the parcel and pin the tail on the donkey like I used to as a child and they had a great time! I'd be annoyed too if it was £15 per head but I wouldn't dream of asking for it, I'd invite a sib instead.

JonSnowsWife · 06/12/2017 15:52

I had four of DCs friends not turn up fo a joint birthday party I'd done for them. 60 sodding quid those places cost me. No emergencies or anything. They just chose not to come.

Was I pissed off? Yes. Did I expect them to pay? No.

Chalk it up to experience and don't invite the same kids next year.

firawla · 06/12/2017 15:54

You can’t ask, no one does that. Possibly the parent will still give your ds a present, as that’s the polite thing in this situation. It’s not normal for the price of the ticket to be brought up

Mia1415 · 06/12/2017 15:56

It's very annoying but it happens all the time and no, you can't ask for her to pay.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/12/2017 15:58

Obviously you know by now that you can’t ask for the £15.

But I actually think “Something has come up” is pretty lame. If the child is ill, he may well be better in three days. If it’s an emergency, how come she knows about it three days in advance?

Sorry, OP, I think she got a better offer.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/12/2017 15:58

i had this, and invited a sibling of one of the attendees, that's always a winner! try that OP, ands blacklist the bitch

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2017 16:01

and don't invite the same kids next year

Ffs that’s worse. You and the op need to go and sit in the darkened room together. There could be a very good reason this kid can’t attend, and they could be friends with the ops child. You can’t say “if you decline once, screw You small child, you shall never be invited to my child’s oarty again”

That’s even worse than charging them. Although to be fair, there ain’t a lot in it.Hmm

1099 · 06/12/2017 16:03

It's the time of year, next week is a busy week at school, fairs, nativity plays, assemblies, carol concerts etc, DS birthday is next week as well, we have given up on parties because of exactly this problem he now has a party in June instead, (if it's good enough for the queen, his words not mine) so far it's worked much better.

Viviennemary · 06/12/2017 16:06

I think the Mum has a total cheek. But you can't ask her for payment for the place. Because it was an invitation. Easiest way is to invite sibling of a child who has already been invited.

healthyheart · 06/12/2017 16:06

Next time book and pay for one less child than you’ve invited. You’ll find it’s a lot easier to ‘add one’ ( since businesses always want your money!) than to get refunded.

JonSnowsWife · 06/12/2017 16:09

Ffs that’s worse. You and the op need to go and sit in the darkened room together

So I'm meant to hold a space for the four kids each year on the off chance they might bother turning up this year otherwise I might offend them? HmmYeah I'm not the one who needs to sit in a darkened room clearly Grin