To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

[Catbell82]

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!!

[JonSnowsWife]

Did you bother reading the rest of my post at all bluntness? where I clearly said there was no excuse from our non-attendees?

[JonSnowsWife]

@Catbell82 a lot of places will take a deposit and then the rest is paid on the day. Looking for one like that will mean you're less likely to be burning a hole in your pocket too much.

[Bibidy]

@Bibidy but this person hasn't offered to pay so op wants to ask which I think is really rude.

See I can't get my head around this...surely it's more rude that the person who's pulled out hasn't offered to pay (knowing it's paid per head so OP will definitely be out of pocket)?

In my opinion, I think the mum who pulled out should have offered to pay if OP couldn't find someone to take the child's place.

I think it would be too awkward for OP to ask for the money, especially as it's not that big of an amount, but I also don't think OP is wrong at all.

[Coconutspongexo]

I actually don’t think this mum has a cheek, it wasn’t last minute and something personal might have come up, giving notice is better than a no show.

A no show would be cheeky.

[Coconutspongexo]

I think it would be too awkward for OP to ask for the money, especially as it's not that big of an amount, but I also don't think OP is wrong at all.

Except £15 is a big amount of money to some people especially in December.

[Bibidy]

Except £15 is a big amount of money to some people hmm especially in December.

That's very true and not disputing that, I didn't mean £15 is negligible, I meant more that it's not work potentially cause a big issue with this other mum over.

[Bibidy]

• not worth

[murmuration]

What? I completely don't understand.

Unless it was a 'come to the party, here's how much it will cost your child to attend' (in which case you should have gathered payments along with RSVPs and I've never heard of this for anything other than something like tweens going to a movie together or something), you can't charge someone for non-attendance!

They weren't going to hand £15 over when they came. At the absolute minimum, you've got the pleasure of an extra party bag that you've paid for and thus birthday child can enjoy. Maybe you can get another kid (sibling or something) at late notice. You're not providing a service they're paying you for. You've invited them to a party.

I totally can't see offering to pay if I couldn't attend a party - I'd send card and gift and maybe an 'extra sorry' little bit of chocolate or whatnot - but cash? For being unable to join in the fun? What? That expectation would teach me out of accepting any invites quite quickly.

[BackBoiler]

I still give a gift if we cancel last minute due to illness etc.

[murmuration]

Yes, the expectation is usually gift+pleasure of your company in exchange for cost put forth for party. If you can't provide pleasure of your company due to unexpected events, gift should still be given, and something extra if possible - but not the whole cost for your portion of the party!

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

It's unfortunate but you can't ask for the money.

What you can do, unless the child is sick, is make a mental note and don't invite again. Some venues let you book a few less and then add on so that's an option for next year.

[NotAgainYoda]

I agree murmurations. Completely.

[NotAgainYoda]

And I also agree with this from Donny: "if you can't afford it you shouldn't have booked it"

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Do any of the other invitees have siblings your DS is friendly with? If so invite them. Parents will love you for it and it is a goodwill earner....

[DearyDearyDeary]

I'd go with a Sibling - they won't feel like an emergency Sub.

[Starlight2345]

I have had someone cancel on me a few days before a party..I did ask a parent directly..Made it clear child was on reserve list ..No point pretending they were the child really wanted at the party..

[becotide]

repost

[Oblomov17]

You can't ask.
I have once not let Ds1 go to a party because of consistently bad behaviour. In response to the poster who said £14.95 because the child had been naughty.

[Fanciedachange17]

My youngest was very lucky in attending at least 6 parties like this as the sibling of her older sister. I think it helped she usually wore party/princess dresses all the time anyway. I miss those days now it is all ripped jeans and little t-shirts.

Invite someone else. Most of us are realists OP

[donquixotedelamancha]

I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable

I'm surprised anyone who has ever met a child or organised any event could find this unusual. She's been quite polite in letting you know (presumably) a.s.a.p. Not turning up would be rude.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!!

You are confusing an invitation with a contract. Next time send out contracts with your party invitations. Be specific with the severe penalty clauses if people fail to attend. I'm sure that will solve all your problems.

[donquixotedelamancha]

You can however text and say "just to warn you that if you book there they don't issue refunds so close to a party date. So disappointed not to have little Johnny attend, hope you are all well

Yes, be passive aggressive. That always works.

[NotAgainYoda]

don

[glow1984]

We’re they aware that you would be paying a fee per child, and of the venues refund policy? If not, YWBVU to ask for the money back.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I did that ! I texted
‘Thanks for letting me know In time , I will be able to get Someone else to use his place ‘

Complete lie but got message across

[KittyVonCatsington]

Has everyone completely skipped reading the OP fully and missed the bit where she said she wouldn’t actually ask the Mum this in RL but was she BU to be annoyed about it!?