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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to be whispered about in the school carpark ?

119 replies

scatterbrain · 20/04/2007 09:26

Grrrrr !!!

So - basically two other mums at school - I have sort of fallen out with both of them about minor things over the last year or so - and today they were standing in the carpark whispering behind their hands and GIGGLING fgs quite clearly about me !!

How old am I? err 40 ? How old do I feel ? 13 !!

OP posts:
Original poster
scatterbrain · 20/04/2007 15:48

Hmm I agree - but surely what I said did not warrant what she said in return ?

ie. "If I didn't know better I would think that email had been written by a 10 year old bitch !- are you having a bad day ?".

So i said - you choose I can't amke it now and she said I was a juvenile bitch !!

Fair or not ?

OP posts:
DrDaddy · 20/04/2007 15:57

No, you're right, that was a tad confrontational! Prove you're the grown up one by making the peace. It takes great strength to do that....

DrDaddy · 20/04/2007 15:57

...I mean it SHOWS great strength (of character). Also takes great strength sometimes..

casbie · 20/04/2007 16:06

rofl at Dr Daddy

esp. "you" !!

he! he!

i never have a good retort at the time - can i borrow that one?!

Original poster
scatterbrain · 20/04/2007 16:15

Good advice - but really at the moment I cannot be arsed ! They want to play silly buggers - they can play together - I ahve got too much real stuff to deal with I'm afraid !

OP posts:
newgirl · 20/04/2007 17:13

but there you have it scat, i did not understand your email, so maybe one of them did not? i completely agree with you that the repsonse was ridiculous, as is the gossip in the playground, but i think things can get muddled on email.

i think my conclusion is that they prob arent as bad as you think and life will be nicer for you if you can forgive and forget x

DrDaddy · 20/04/2007 19:28

casbie - be my guest!

Swizzler · 20/04/2007 19:42

Life is too short for this tyoe of thing, isn't it? School run a few years away for me - am considering being an Honorary Bloke

Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 10:15

Oh God - latest update !!!

Nice friend caught me in car park at school today and asked if she could have a quick word ! Well - apparently the one who called me a "10 yr old bitch" has organised a meal out tomorrow - with the other nasty one - and I am excluded !

Nice friend didn't want me to hear from someone else !

This is so bloody ridiculous ! It seems to be escalating into all out war ! AND - the rude one and her dh both purposefully blanked me at school !

What do I do now ?

And - had forgotten but we had accepted invitation to dinner next month at rude one's house - do I assume we are uninvited ? Do I say anything ? Certainly won't be going !

OP posts:
Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 10:37

Oh No - now none of you are speaking to me either - it is me !!!

OP posts:
elasticbandstand · 23/04/2007 10:55

whisper whisper

elasticbandstand · 23/04/2007 11:05

i would smile at them,,,, then they will feel stupid for being horrible,. no really, be really friendly, make a joke about the 10 year old bitch.
that way, you win, you're better than them and you got over it..

Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:07

scatter brain they sound ridiculous. Am dreading the school run in a few years time if this is what i have to look forward to. Is there anyway you can find out from nice friend what you have supposedly done to warrent being ostracised in this way? your initial post says that the clothes seller just randomly stopped talking to you but then had the cheek to ask you to throw another party and why would suggesting that others make a decision on the pub of choice warrent a comment like bitch . I know it's such a cliche but bullies like this prey on any sign of weakness and if they see they are getting to you they'll love it. If at all possible i would rise above it, put a big smile on your face at the school gates and adopt a f**k you attitude. also have your own little nigt out with some nice friends to remind youthat life is too short to waste on people like this.

powder28 · 23/04/2007 11:08

Where did the expression '10 yr old bitch' come from anyway?!! It's a very precise description.

Think when my ds goes to school I will avoid the coffee morning brigade.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 11:39

I've drafted an email to the rude one - shall I send it ??

"Dear X, I am really not sure what is going on !! You appear to be blanking me - and now you have excluded me from the night out that you have arranged !

I have no idea why ?

If you recall - it was you who insulted me - calling me a "10 yr old bitch" - for which you have not apologised. I have no idea why you called me that - or why you are behaving like this now ?

I would have thought that after the way Y treated you - and how upset you were - that you would be more sensitive to upsetting other people !

I am really sorry that you have chosen to end our friendship in this way, I also assume that we are now "uninvited" to your party on the XXX ?"

OP posts:
Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:45

scatter if you're going to send it imo i would take out the last few words and end it ...our friendship in this way.( the univited part makes it sound like you're upset you can't go her party which i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing) i wouldn't try and fight fire with fire as this will make x defensive and less likely to be honest about what is going on. Hope this makes sense x

Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:47

also (feel free to ignore) i personally would take out all the exclamation marks which would make it read as less emotional ie you'd like to know what is going on because you are an adult but you're not particularly upset by her behaviour just bemused IYSWIM x

Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 11:48

Thanks Tamdin - good point ! I can't decide if it is more mature to send it or do nothing - I just feel a bit doormatty if I do nothing ! I know face-to-face would be preferable but I won't see her for a few days now as am working and dd doing clubs after school etc.

OP posts:
snowleopard · 23/04/2007 11:51

Oh SB, don't send it. Ignore her. She'll just love getting an email like that - it will be "OK bitch, the war is ON!" - and you'll be all sucked into it again. Do you want to go for a night out with an immature vindictive cow who acts like this? If not, then it's great that she hasn't invited you, isn't it. Have a nice night in, please yourself and wait for nice friend to come running to you because this silly woman will soon piss off any friends she has left.

Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:52

I don't think you'd be being a doormat if you did nothing but i'd also totally understand if you sent it. It's a tricky one. I think actually that I would send it but maybe you should wait for a few more posts to see what others think before you decide.What does your dp/dh and other nice friends think of this whole situation?

Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 11:53

snowleopard - I know, you're right - but I am feeling like shit today and fear that nice friends may never come running to me ! I feel so BULLIED and outcast - I am at work and can't stop thinking about it !!

OP posts:
Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:54

see now i agree with sno...i'd be no use on a jury i'm too easliy influenced

Original poster
scatterbrain · 23/04/2007 11:55

Hi again Tamdin, well dh thinks its pathetic - she is pathetic etc - nice friends at school want to stay out of it - BUT - they are going on the night out - so it seems at the moment that they are on her side. They said they're not - but actions speak louder than words.

OP posts:
Tamdin · 23/04/2007 11:58

unfortunately your nice friends are obviously too worried about her turning on them to properly stick their necks out but i don't think it means they are on her side as such. maybe if they go and your name comes up one of them can stand up for you x

Tamdin · 23/04/2007 12:01

gotta go scatter. hope few others will be along shortly to give you their ideas. will check for thread later to see how you're doing. big hug x