AIBU to not want to go to my colleague’s house for dinner?

[Skarossinkplunger]

I’m two months into a new job where I share an office with a male colleague. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage but he seems like a nice bloke. We get on well and have not been in a social situation.

His partner works here too but is currently on maternity leave. She called in with the baby unannounced yesterday and attempted to engage in a long conversation which was a pain as I was really busy. She was asking lots of questions and I got the distinct feeling I was being ‘assessed’.

The conversation ended with her inviting my husband and I for dinner at their house and completely cringe-worthy PDA with my colleague as she left.

AIBU to not want to have dinner with two people I barely know just so she can make I don’t hit in her partner?

Don't refuse outright, just be awfully busy and the dates never quite work, maybe next month.

Or invite her to drinks after work with a crowd and act like that's your socialising done.

I reckon your male colleague is unlikely to pressure you into coming for dinner anyway. Assuming he knows it's batshit, he might quietly bat her away to avoid awkwardness.

Didn't a lot of people get out of bed on the wrong side today!

OP I think it sounds like she is insecure and actually she isn't being lovely to you, quite the opposite.

I would go with corpse's advice - nod, smile, delay

Poor woman sounds like she needs some adult non baby chat and is being nice to the newbie. I PDA DH it doesn't mean marking territory some people do some don't it just normal to us pda people.

what was the extent of the PDA?

Thank you once again urban dictionary I have no idea how I would manage without you 😀

Cringey, just make excuses.

I don't know why you're getting such a pasting?! When you know somethings up, you know. Maybe you're well fit, maybe not, but if she is saying stuff like that, being full on about getting to know you and snogging her husband in front of you ( bleurgh) I don't think you are nessecarily bring paranoid. She probably does want you scope you out. Say the " work/home/separate" thing.

Agree Run

Colleague probably said 'what did you invite her for'

You may hear nothing else

Agree vaguely and say you need to check with your husband about dates and then delay delay delay.

That's really unpleasant. Just politely decline. If the woman is genuinely trying to make a friend, which she very well might be, it's really hurtful to string her along. Far better to say 'it's kind of you to invite us, but I prefer not to mix work and socialising'.

A poster was recently advised to do exactly this in order to 'assess' a new female colleague she thought her DH fancied.

Decline politely saying pointedly that you never mix business & pleasure

That's assuming any of it is real. Who the fuck knows anymore.

Slarty A lingering kiss and an arse grab.

isnt she likely to be mn herself?

Oh grim

IfNot bit cynical this morning. I go with the premise I don't care if they are real I just love to read all the mean girl replies in AIBU

She will be working with you too and is probably just very friendly and trying to make the newbie feel welcome but if you really don’t want to go, don’t. As a pp said, just make your excuses and explain you don’t socialise with work collleagues, it’s that simple. To be honest, I’m wondering why you’re making such a huge issue out of this.

Just say you're really busy at t he moment if the invite is repeated. If she is lonely and in need of adult conversation, her H's work colleagues are not the right people to be supplying it anyway.

Sorry, is everyone posting on AIBU making a huge issue? Iceland chocolate Christmas trees for example?

Isn't this what some mn advise when they think their husbands fancy the new woman at work? I'm sure the OP will be able to tell the difference between someone being friendly and then someone making a point!

I won’t be working with her. She’s in a different department.

I’ve seen the exact same advice on here and always rolled my eyes at it.

I suspect she is worried about her DH working with another (new) woman. She’s just had a babies so might be feeling insecure. Or there are other stuff going on at him at home you dont know about.

I wouldnt see that as a friendly invite tbh.

BUT I would try and keep iut as friendly as you can seeing that you will carry on working with her and her DH...

I think she was metaphorically pissing round her DH's desk. If he mentions it again say no thanks.

What did you respond when she asked you?

I'm not sure why you are getting such a hard time OP. I've seen the batshit advice on here before to go and check-out the 'competition'.

Maybe he's been suffering mentionitis at home and it's been taken the wrong way. Whatever it is, you haven't done anything wrong so I would just keep it professional, smile and ignore. If the subject of dinner comes up again then politely decline it and explain that you like to keep work and home separate.

She sounds lovely, and you sound a bit weird in your reactions to someone who is just being nice. A "cringe-worthy PDA"?