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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go to my colleague’s house for dinner?

331 replies

Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 07:49

I’m two months into a new job where I share an office with a male colleague. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage but he seems like a nice bloke. We get on well and have not been in a social situation.

His partner works here too but is currently on maternity leave. She called in with the baby unannounced yesterday and attempted to engage in a long conversation which was a pain as I was really busy. She was asking lots of questions and I got the distinct feeling I was being ‘assessed’.

The conversation ended with her inviting my husband and I for dinner at their house and completely cringe-worthy PDA with my colleague as she left.

AIBU to not want to have dinner with two people I barely know just so she can make I don’t hit in her partner?

OP posts:
Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 12:46

Bold fail.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 12:47

Allthecoolkids I’ve already said I don’t think he fancies me.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 06/12/2017 12:50

She sounds like a paranoid Mumsnetter, I'd decline.

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 12:50

I’ve decided to go with my gut instinct. I’m going to decline if it comes up again. If she thinks I’m shagging her husband so be it. It’s not my issue to worry about.

Incidentally are there any women on here who have done similar because they suspect their husband is up to something? What happened?

OP posts:
CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 12:50

Are you always so horrible to people you’ve never met asking for advice? Bet you don’t get asked for advice much

You didn't ask for advice. you asked us to validate your arrogance, to agree that this woman must be insecure and jealous and pretending to be nice because she thinks her husband must fancy you.

I very much doubt he does, given your revolting attitude to people like his wife.

BellMcEnd · 06/12/2017 12:50

Are they called Donald and Jacqueline?

Anatidae · 06/12/2017 12:53

Incidentally are there any women on here who have done similar because they suspect their husband is up to something?

I wonder the same - do they expect some kind of Colombo- esque moment over dessert? one more thing, felicity..,

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/12/2017 12:53

OP I have absolutely no idea why some posters are being so hostile towards you!

You got a weird vibe from them, felt she was mildly intrusive and assessing, and don’t want to go to dinner with them. So don’t go - you are perfectly entitled to not want to socialise with them!

You don’t have to socialise with anyone you don’t want to, for any reason, daft or not. It’s up to you.

No idea why other posters are so incensed about this.

Decline/delay.

Mrstumbletap · 06/12/2017 12:53

Ha ha posts on here make me laugh. You are called 'bonkers' and 'insecure' because you can clearly tell another women is trying to make it obvious her husband is taken. Or maybe you are just confident and know when it threatens another woman?

OP I completely see your point. Some people are insecure and feel the need to mark their territory.

It's not your job to make friends with her because she is on maternity ffs.

And you can absolutely know you are attractive, women are made to feel arrogant and up themselves if they aren't insecure. Fuck that. If she is insecure about you working with him? Possibly. Does that then become your problem? Hell no.

Just say you are busy, be polite and use your husband's work hours as an excuse.

paxillin · 06/12/2017 12:54

Even without any backstory or weird motive, asking someone for dinner (real or polite) is weird after minutes of acquaintance. I have a very lose acquaintance who badgers on about going on Holiday together.

This thread made me realise why it bothers me. She is overstepping the mark. I don't know her well enough to contemplate such an idea. You don't know this woman from Eve, of course you don't want to go to her bloody home to eat dinner with her, OP.

Blankscreen · 06/12/2017 12:55

There was a post on her a out a week.ago when the wife was paranoid about a new colleague. I wonder if you are that colleague??

Don't go. Why put yourself out if you don't want to.

Her issue not yours.

ijustwannadance · 06/12/2017 12:55

I would also think he has mentioned having a new female colleague and she came in to make her presence known.

I seriously doubt she wants to be friends and it's not about him fancying you. It's more about her thinking he fancies you.

CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 12:56

OP I have absolutely no idea why some posters are being so hostile towards you!

Because her post is literally about being hostile to some poor cow who dared to invite her for dinner? Hmm

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 12:57

Oh, I see you ARE that horrible Cherios as well as having magical ability to read things into an OP that aren’t actually there. Congratulations!

OP posts:
CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 12:58

Yes, the person assigning horrible motives to polite invites and bitching about strangers is lovely, while the person who says that isn't very nice is appalling.

meanwhile, back on planet earth.....Hmm

Mrstumbletap · 06/12/2017 13:00

Cheerioseverywhere your attitude sounds revolting not the OP's.

She doesn't sound arrogant, she sounds like she has noticed the underlying context of the 'questions' she was asked and the obvious bum grab. (Something my ex used to do if he was jealous** if another man I was talking to)

hamptonhangingpork · 06/12/2017 13:01

I think you have made the right call op.

I've had the experience of dealing with the wives before, and you do get a feeling for the ones marking their territory.

I've had dinner before with a boss' wife and kids within 2 days of starting a job. But the invitation came from him and it was a hoot. It was nice to meet someone I would be coordinating with.

I've also met the paranoid wife of another boss. She'd ring my office landline every day, regardless of whether her husband was in to check if he was there. The main things I remember about her were that she put on a show of loud friendliness when she "popped in" with her son (I'd never get a word in edgeways but she paused for the men) and that she had unblinking shark eyes as she smiled that enormous toothy grin. So I think I know what you mean about the behaviour that's putting you right off.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2017 13:03

Why criticising op, she has every right to choose who to have dinner with or not. The woman gave off the wrong impression to her, and she does not want to have dinner with her, fair enough! Some people do not like to socialise with people from work, mixing business with pleasure. There is a difference between general relaxed chit chat, and 20 questions, being make to feel a bit on the spot.

CheeriosEverywhere · 06/12/2017 13:06

Yes, being nice to strangers and politely turning down kind invites is a revolting attitude.
Sure Hmm

IWouldLikeToKnow · 06/12/2017 13:07

Not sure why you are getting such a difficult time OP. I have seen, on more than one occasion, this exact advice been given on MN. Maybe that is what she is following.

oldlaundbooth · 06/12/2017 13:09

I hear ya OP.

YANBU.

I'm a month into a new job and the Christmas party is at my bosses house.

Just why?

Mrstumbletap · 06/12/2017 13:11

So despite not knowing the woman she is a 'poor cow' that needs to be 'befriended'

How dare you not accept all invites OP. She had a baby don't you know, that makes her a saint.

You must go to any offer, despite not knowing her, despite not hitting it off with her, despite not wanting to. You must!

Poor cow Grin

Candlelight234 · 06/12/2017 13:15

I get you OP, it sounds like she was sussing you out, and the arse grab was weird.
I can't think of anything worse than dinner at a colleagues house.

AnnaT45 · 06/12/2017 13:16

YANBU

If you met her at say a Xmas party and you got on like a house on fire, then yes. But you didn't and sounds like there wasn't a spark!

Im a friendly person-and love entertaining but I wouldn't do this with DH colleagues, it smells of sussing you out.

The four month comment is odd in my opinion!

Don't go!

Dustysparrow · 06/12/2017 13:22

I don't know why the OP is getting such a bashing here. She has picked up on weird vibes from the wife who she believes was sizing her up at their first meeting - has this never happened to any of you?? It's happened to me and I've seen it happen to others. Sometimes you know that somebody is trying to suss you out by their body language and their behaviour, it can be very obvious, and if they throw in a public display of affection with their OH for good measure then it's a reasonable assumption to come to. Some people just do stuff like this, maybe they are insecure or possessive or whatever, and sometimes it can be quite obvious to the person they are talking to - as has happened here to the OP who can obviously read between the lines. I wouldn't especially want to go to dinner with two people I barely knew and would find an invite to dinner so soon after meeting them a bit weird frankly.