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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go to my colleague’s house for dinner?

331 replies

Skarossinkplunger · 06/12/2017 07:49

I’m two months into a new job where I share an office with a male colleague. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage but he seems like a nice bloke. We get on well and have not been in a social situation.

His partner works here too but is currently on maternity leave. She called in with the baby unannounced yesterday and attempted to engage in a long conversation which was a pain as I was really busy. She was asking lots of questions and I got the distinct feeling I was being ‘assessed’.

The conversation ended with her inviting my husband and I for dinner at their house and completely cringe-worthy PDA with my colleague as she left.

AIBU to not want to have dinner with two people I barely know just so she can make I don’t hit in her partner?

OP posts:
StoorieHoose · 07/12/2017 20:36

lash that really made me laugh. How on earth you can take all that from the OPs post I will never know. What a fertile imagination you have!

Lashalicious · 07/12/2017 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tiredeypops · 07/12/2017 20:40

I'm with OP on this one. If she just wanted some adult conversation surely she has mates she can invite over for dinner. And PDA at work?

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 20:42

Lash

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
StoorieHoose · 07/12/2017 20:48

lash are you the colleagues wife?? Or just a general drama llama?

g1itterati · 07/12/2017 20:50

This woman has caused you to instinctively get defensive OP. Only you know why.
Some people have been scathing towards you this thread, but you did kick it all off with a scathing tone and a presumption that the wife sees you as a threat.
I think it's one of thise situations where you had to be there really.
Who knows what's going on. Maybe she's lonely and her DH said, "oh there's some woman in my office, why don't you try and make friends with her." Men do say things like this because it's the first thing that pops into their head.
Or maybe she is embracing all things domestic now she is at home all day and has visions of dinner parties galore?
Maybe her husband expects her to do this kind of thing?
Anyway, just go or you'll never know. They may be swingers or trying to recruit you into Opus Dei. But don't worry about it.

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 20:54

Thanks for the advice G1itterati bit I really
can’t see where I was scathing in my
OP and as above I’ve already decided I’m not going.

OP posts:
runwalkrun · 07/12/2017 20:57

I reckon she's a MNer, she's just following the usual rubbish advice.

Wouldn't it be BRILLIANT if the wife was an MNer, read this thread and started a 'conversation' with the OP!
Now that I would pay to see! Smile

Has the above scenario ever happened? - where a poster has recognized themselves being discussed and come on to defend themselves?
It must have, it's a small world.

Gemini69 · 07/12/2017 20:58

I'm glad you're not going.. well done Flowers

g1itterati · 07/12/2017 20:58

Well it was your presumption that you have somehow had an impact on this wife and that her behaviour is for your benefit - i.e. you make her feel insecure and desperate.

Can you not see how that comes across?

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:01

Well it was your presumption that you have somehow had an impact on this wife and that her behaviour is for your benefit - i.e. you make her feel insecure and desperate.

Can you not see how that comes across?*

Exactly how does it come across G1itterati?

OP posts:
g1itterati · 07/12/2017 21:07

It comes across as arrogant and insecure at the same time. Why do you need this to be about you?

If I was in that situation and genuinely thought I was making someone insecure, I would go out if my way to appease that. It's not that difficult.

Maybe she has good reason to be insecure - not specifically about you, but in general? Maybe he has had a string of office affairs - who knows? Or maybe she is paranoid or depressed after the baby?

I would feel a bit bad for her and want to reassure her, more than anything.

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:15

If he had had a string of affairs, why would I want to involve myself as someone THEY BARELY KNOW when I have to work with him everyday?

OP posts:
Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:16

Also, you completely missed my post about sf-esteem didn’t you?

OP posts:
runwalkrun · 07/12/2017 21:16

Has her dh been decorating your desk with tinsel by any chance?

Didn't that thread turn out to be a troll?

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:20

Nope, no tinsel.

OP posts:
g1itterati · 07/12/2017 21:21

OP you are the one "tearing her down". You are presuming issues that may not exist and painting her as desperate. You talk about self-esteem. Usually people with low self-esteem are the ones who need to put others down.

runwalkrun · 07/12/2017 21:23

Lash that really made me laugh. How on earth you can take all that from the OPs post I will never know. What a fertile imagination you have!

Unless Lash is. Hmm
Nah. Can't be. can it?

abouttimeforanotherone · 07/12/2017 21:27

I suspect that it's him she doesn't trust, and that coming into the office with the baby, chatting to you, the invitation to their house and the blatant territory-marking was all aimed at warning him off you. To get him to toe the line.
Maybe he's messed around before, maybe she's had an affair with a work colleague or seen other people get into work shenanigans, maybe a previous relationship ended with her being cheated on, who knows?

Lashalicious · 07/12/2017 21:35

I can spot a catty person. As g1itterati points out, op is the one tearing down this woman over one sentence and the colleague showing affection to the wife. Why is she taking offense at the colleague and his wife showing affection? I think that’s strange. She’s met the woman one time and has decided to be at odds with her, to be enemies. Sounds like op has hostility way beyond one meeting would call for. And no, don’t go to the dinner. Just say no, you’re busy. How hard is that? I don’t think this thread is about the dinner invitation. Of all the AIBUs I’ve read, this one is the most petty. I have witnessed a catty person “recruiting” other people to be against someone else by twisting something that person said and then feigned being the victim and got others to join in on bashing that person. That was a family situation though, and not a work. I can’t stand manipulative people. That’s what this thread reminded me of.

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:39

m.youtube.com/watch?v=GQFJw0Dtaew

Lash

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 07/12/2017 21:44

I really don't see the point of this thread at all, OP. You don't want to accept the invitation, then don't, it's not a summons. But why are you being so unpleasant about her? Do you just want a lot of strangers to agree, yes, what an annoying woman, she's clearly loopy, poor me for having to put up with her?

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 07/12/2017 21:46

Where have I been unpleasant about her?

OP posts:
g1itterati · 07/12/2017 21:50

The whole basis of your thread is unpleasant about her.
In actual fact it comes across as if you are threatened by her for some reason.

Willow2017 · 07/12/2017 21:52

Not once in all the years I have worked, in a variety of settings have I seen a wife snogging her husband in front of me and groping his arse. Thats not normal work behaviour, its not 'showing affection' thats blatent place marking and its cringey.