AIBU to not want to go to my colleague’s house for dinner?

[Skarossinkplunger]

I’m two months into a new job where I share an office with a male colleague. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage but he seems like a nice bloke. We get on well and have not been in a social situation.

His partner works here too but is currently on maternity leave. She called in with the baby unannounced yesterday and attempted to engage in a long conversation which was a pain as I was really busy. She was asking lots of questions and I got the distinct feeling I was being ‘assessed’.

The conversation ended with her inviting my husband and I for dinner at their house and completely cringe-worthy PDA with my colleague as she left.

AIBU to not want to have dinner with two people I barely know just so she can make I don’t hit in her partner?

Next time a date is suggested say you'll let them know... and then don't. They are way too pushy and no way is this woman trying to make friends!

is it ok for us to tear each other down when we’re grown women?

• well no, which is why you got so much stick for going nutsarse on a perfectly normal request from another GROWN WOMAN to maybe go for dinner.

Fizzy if you this it’s perfectly reasonable to question the state of the marriage of somebody whom you’ve never met before and then be pushy around a dinner invite I pity your friends.

I wouldn't want to go either. She sounds maybe hormonal and insecure, but after a full on PDA like that I think I would have to decline too.
Maybe I would go in a year or two's time when I knew them both better, if we were like minded. However, this sounds totally awkward to me.

Sorry, what does PDA mean?

In answer to the AIBU, I suspect she's just desperate for some adult conversation since having a baby, and wanting to hear some of the gossip back at the office as she'll be missing being there.

Lizzie48 public display of affection

In any case, whether this woman wants to make friends or not is irrelevant. OP has no warm feelings toward her so has no obligation to start up a friendship or waste a precious evening going to dinner.

The PDA was very much marking her territory

Ah. I get it. You think she's jealous and sees you as a threat.

Chrys2017, thank you. Yes I personally loathe PDAs.

The OP and her DH have no obligation to go to dinner with a couple she hardly knows. Just say, 'no thank you, I prefer to keep my personal life separate from the office.'

But your colleague's wife is probably just lonely. Obviously, that doesn't mean that you have any obligation to be her new best friend.

Easiest ever AIBU, I think.

Lizzie
Op only just started there and the wife works in a different dept so OP wont know any 'gossip' about her office. Her husband will know more than op.
Nobody us that desperate to get the gossip that they pester someone they just met to come to dinner like she has done.

I don't get why some people are being horrible to the OP, why?

Maybe not, but a chance to talk to someone about something other than the baby maybe?

Yes, a bit desperate. But probably no particular agenda.

I think she's checking you out in case you fancy her Dh.

Seen it in one of dhs colleagues who was "allowed" to sleep with other women. His dw would try to stake her claim.

It didn't work

The OP and her DH have no obligation to go to dinner with a couple she hardly knows. Just say, 'no thank you, I prefer to keep my personal life separate from the office.'

^

This will do it.

I understand why you wouldn't want to go, but I probably would. They are both colleagues and you will have to put up with them for a good while. If she is 'staking a claim', you can put her mind at rest. If she's being friendly, or is just lonely, it would be a nice thing to do and smooth your working relationship with both going forward. It's only an evening.

No matter how desperate I was for friends post baby (and I was !) I can’t see myself targeting a Random woman who works in my husbands office

It’s not my responsibility to put her Kathryn nd at rest. I work bloody hard and my evenings are mine.

*not my responsibility to her mind at rest!

No idea where the random
Kathryn came from!

Not your responsibility, no. But you still have to work with them.

'no thank you, I prefer to keep my personal life separate from the office.' I just can't imagine saying these words. It sounds so rude. There are other ways to do it.

His wife sounds like an insecure DICK...

and No I wouldn't be interested in going to their house for Dinner either... he's a work colleague... the end

The repeated civil fobbing off is honestly the best way to deal with it. You are under no obligation to make friends with either your colleague or his wife, and what you do outside office hours is none of your colleagues' business.
If the colleague really does keep on and on relaying invitations, you will probably get to the point of being able to say to him, look, my H and I have a lot of social commitments that are important to us, so we don't have much free time, sorry. And only if that doesn't work, fall back on 'I do prefer to keep my personal life separate from work life.'
Bearing in mind that any further demands for you to go to their house after that would be bordering on harassment.

Oh god Lash you’re hysterical, please
keep going, you’re so entertaining.