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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers with enormous toddlers in slings...

725 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 06/12/2017 00:15

AIBU to wonder how the feck they manage?

My neighbour has just walked past my window with her son dangling in front of her like a bloody giant in a harness!

He's almost 4! No SEN and very sturdy/capable.

We live in a tiny town/village and she can drive etc....she's probably just going to the shop down the road.

Why??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
berliozwooler · 10/12/2017 07:31

I mean in the sling for any length of time. I could actually carry them in my arms for short periods.

They are 5.5 stone and 6.5 stone now - I could give them a piggy back 😆

JeffyJeffington · 10/12/2017 07:34

I already wake my daughter up earlier in the morning than she usually naturally wake up (0620) so that we can get our train. If I was to get an earlier one I’d have to wake her at 0550.

berliozwooler · 10/12/2017 07:35

Ah, these are back slings. Well that makes more sense I guess.

Toadsrevisited · 10/12/2017 07:53

I sling my nearly 4 Yr old at least an hour a week and it's never occurred to me that people might be thinking of the objections mentioned on here! It's usually when I we are 3 or 4 miles into a walk in the Dales but sometimes just to nip out to shop if near bedtime etc. I did have him in it at an event at school recently. I never thought people might be judging, just seemed easier than meeting and greeting with him wedged on my hip in a crowd (Caroline service type thing) - that's actually quite a sad thought. Blush

ElphabaTheGreen · 10/12/2017 08:30

As he needs to stop and marvel at every leaf and ask me detailed questions about walls, I would have to have allowed at least an hour for a walk that takes me 20 minutes mathanxiety. That is RIDICULOUS to avoid offending people's sensibilities by carrying my older child in a sling or causing a non-issue for my pelvic floor.

Mustang27 · 10/12/2017 08:38

I got full on laughed at for carrying my 20 month old in a connecta by what looked like a mum and her 17/18yr old daughter. I was actually gobsmacked, really hurt and had a cry when I got to my friends house. I find it really galling that most make the assumption that you are babying your child instead of doing what is convenient for you.

I don't find prams easier as I have fibromyalgia and carpal tunnel so my hands are really weak also lugging a pram in and out of transport is heavy and cumbersome but in a carrier his weight was always distributed evenly and barely noticeable.

Spudlet · 10/12/2017 08:50

DS was 9lbs at birth too berlioz, I do feel it a bit after he’s had a growth spurt. But within a day or two I catch up. I’ve just got stronger as he’s got bigger! But yes, if you have some time not carrying you do feel it, and I remember the 9-10 month age being a growth spurt tome too. It’s actually easier when they get bigger because they carry themselves a little more. I ride horses, and carrying DS has given me a new appreciation for the need to be correctly balanced in the saddle to make their jobs easier too.

I did get slightly stuck trying to clamber over a fence with him on my back at about twelve months old, my legs just wouldn’t push my up. To be fair I wasn’t meant to be climbing over this particular fence at all, hence having to get my foot to waist height to start with Grin We made it eventually though (though I’m glad nobody saw! And good luck doing that with a buggy too Wink).

coconuttella · 10/12/2017 08:56

This thread makes a change from those whose 2 year olds happily walk 10 miles without a grumble!

CountFosco · 10/12/2017 09:00

How does carrying a child on your back affect your pelvic floor? It's your back that's doing the work. But even if it was your pelvic floor was was being worked that's surely a good thing? Use it or lose it. It's not the same as giving birth when everything is stretched or torn, that's surely when the bulk of the damage is done.

FWIW I do exercise everyday over and above any walking I do/did with the kids on my back. I think you'll find that those of us who walk enough to want to carry a child in a sling regularly are probably more active than average generally.

I do find it amazing on MN how people get so worked up about how other people live their lives. Is it really any of your business if it has no impact whatsoever on you? My pelvic floor is not your business, neither is my back so stop with your faux concern.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 10/12/2017 09:43

hands up at mathanxiety! Maybe not as much as elphaba, but some aerial circus, cycling, trampolining (with not a tena lady in sight), bouldering/climbing and hiking. And I nip off my wee a few times when I go to the loo for my pelvic floor's benefit Grin And carrying a 4 year old in a sling maybe twice a week for 20 minutes a time. We are an active family and the sling fits in with our active lifestyle in a way the buggy would not allow.

Jaggythistle · 10/12/2017 10:32

I totally don't exercise Blush Well I go through phases of going back to weight training.

We do walk a lot though and I don't have a sedentary job I guess.

My current toddler passenger is relatively small. Big kid carrying is rare and I actually feel it in my legs if anywhere afterwards. Just from bearing the weight I guess. I don't tend to get shoulder/back/pelvic floor pain. Wink

I'm not that good at leaving early to go anywhere with 3 DC. Blush

Also if I'm in a busy shopping centre or something, I'd rather have the little one in the sling, so I have hands free to shop and sort out the bigger ones. I find a buggy more hassle when I take it out now.

To be honest, carrying a wee one in arms or in a sling now and again just because they need you to, doesn't feel like pandering to me. Everyone likes a cuddle and mobile cuddles can make things go more smoothly. :)

I've never had a child tantrum to go in the sling that I can remember.

OnNaturesCourse · 10/12/2017 11:22

I've been told by health care professionals that any heavy weight is bad for your pelvic floor...

Thymeout · 10/12/2017 11:26

I'm a teacher and my interest in this thread is not the state of the mother's pelvic floor, but what I hear from my colleagues in the primary sector about reception kids who are simply not as prepared in looking after themselves as they used to be. It's part of a theme, which leads to yr 7s who need to be dropped off at school because they've never used a bus or walked down a street on their own.

And having a dummy on the way to school in a car, like a previous thread, or being pushed in a buggy or carried, is part of all that. And it's sad to me to hear of mother's complaining about it taking too long because their dcs need to examine every spider's web. That's what they should be doing! It trumps extra cuddles, which they can have at home, if they want them.

I know mums are under greater time pressures these days, but there seem to be some for whom slings have become some sort of religion or article of faith. (I am NOT talking about fell-walking here, and neither was Op.) Time to move on, let your dcs learn new skills, learn how to navigate a crowded pavement, become street-wise.

CountFosco · 10/12/2017 11:54

Examining every spiderweb is lovely when there's time. But when you have to get 3 children out of the house for the mile walk to school every extra minute you save by slinging the 3 year old is precious. There's time for the spiders webs on the walk home. And believe me a child that is in a sling on the way to school is more likely to be walking home on the way back than the child who is in a buggy.

I think you're conflating two issues though thymeout, there's no evidence to suggest those of us who use slings are the same parents who don't teach our children lifeskills like pouring themselves a drink or getting dressed or using scissors or going to the loo by themselves. If anything the parents with a slightly hippy bent that means they end up using a sling are also those who are more likely to encourage that kind of independence. Try hanging out on some 'natural parenting' sites.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 10/12/2017 12:19

in DS's pre-school I would hazard a guess he is one of the most independent in his group (and I'm the only one in this group that walks him there in a sling. He walks home himself.) I get excellent feedback from his key worker about his self-care (dressing himself for forest school, cleaning up, taking himself off to the loo, preparing snacks etc) and confidence in general. So I have no concerns there and see zero correlation. He's 4. Time enough to be 'street-wise' when he's older. (I'm not even sure what that means for a pre-schooler? If you mean not running out into the road then we've passed that milestone too, thank you. Again, nothing to do with it.)

curryforbreakfast · 10/12/2017 12:35

What is creepy about concern for other women's potential health issues?
If they aren't concerned about it why are you? Yes, its weird to advise other people about their pelvic floor health when they haven't asked you for it and aren't interested.

Are you conflating pelvic floor health with something to do with sex?
The possible issue is urinary incontinence
Actually there are myriad possible issues when you have damage to that area, and they do include sex. If you're not aware of that your concern for other women is even odder.

Jaggythistle · 10/12/2017 13:01

@Drranjsrighteyebrow - I'm totally impressed with some posters on this thread, for their ability to completely ignore what is being said and insist that sling using parents are 'infantilising' children.

My 2.5yo has been getting her own plate/cup breakfast stuff out of the cupboard since she was 1 at most. She mastered shoe putting on the quickest too and also uses cutlery better than my oldest DC, I think. He's either lazy or it's because he was never carried in a sling. Wink

And wtf does dummy use have to do with it? Confused Who uses dummies for transport?

Also with the spider webs - most of the time we do the spider web/twig/whatever inspecting. So it's not sad FFS.

kittensinmydinner1 · 10/12/2017 13:09

Can't imagine his peers at school don't take the piss though, when they all run in - and he is carried in . In a sling like a baby .

Jaggythistle · 10/12/2017 13:11

Hopefully they've been brought up as decent kids who don't take the piss?

curryforbreakfast · 10/12/2017 13:12

Can't imagine his peers at school don't take the piss though, when they all run in - and he is carried in . In a sling like a baby

He's three. Hmm He doesn't go to school. Do you have a three year old that "takes the piss" out of his peers? You should focus on that and not on what other people are doing.

Thymeout · 10/12/2017 13:13

Streetwise for a nearly 4 yr old is: keeping an eye out for cars reversing down drives, stopping at the curb, navigating round double buggies, chatting mums, scooters, old ladies, looking out for dog mess on verges, and meeting the dogs themselves. It's learning a sense of time, when you need to hurry and when it doesn't matter if you dawdle. When a child is being carried, it's the mother who is doing all that. The child is in passive, not active mode. They zone out.

curryforbreakfast · 10/12/2017 13:16

I'm sure they can do all that all the other times, when they walk.

Is there something about "seeing a child being carried doesn't mean they are always carried, or even often carried" that is so confusing?

Thymeout · 10/12/2017 13:18

Please read the OP again. It's about an 'almost 4 yr old' on a residential street. There was a recent thread about a child who routinely had a dummy in the car on the way to school. The mother was annoyed to be given a leaflet about it at breakfast club.

Jaggythistle · 10/12/2017 13:18

Another important thing for kids to learn is about being kind and not taking the piss out of their peers.

*@Thymeout - DrRanjs DC walks home and I'm sure a lot of other places. These kids are NOT being carried all the time and not being allowed to develop normally.

Hermagsjesty · 10/12/2017 13:20

Thyme Out - I think you are conflating two entirely separate issues. TBH I think a lot of parents who carry thier toddlers occasionally do it because they walk more than average (and therefore use prams and also cars less than average) so they’re just as likely to also do more of the other stuff you’re talking about.

And personally, I find the idea that peers would take the mick therefore a 3yo shouldn’t do something that works for them quite troubling. Who is raising 3yo who take the mick out of someone for doing something a bit differently?!