Why does this bother me?

[Arieal]

A manager at work, (who can be difficult but haven't known her long, so trying to get on with her) has a thing where she will ask me how I am and I say 'fine' as you do, and she will reply 'I'm sorry?' in the snootiest way and make me repeat myself so I feel inferior and silly? It's such an innocuous question with only a bland reply expected so why do this... I do have a quiet voice but she manages to hear what else I say.. Am I being silly about this or does anyone else understand what I mean.

Okay I'm sorry but I am polite, not the most confident or talkative but am never rude. She is making an issue of it I suppose, like I said not had any issues with other advisors.

“I am being polite and pleasant, surely she's being unpleasant by making an issue of it?”

Yes I agree that it’s a bit off to make an issue or try to make an example of you. But every once in a while you will come up against people who don’t just ‘absorb’ other people’s bad behaviour. They challenge it. They’re usually not very nice to be around and may be unpopular themselves, but they are useful OP, as they will vocalise what others are thinking.

Are you being polite, or mousy? They aren’t the same thing. If I asked someone how they were and they replied meekly “okay yeah” I’d be eye rolling internally as well.

I don't just say 'fine' I say fine thanks!

If she’s your work coach, surely it’s part of her job to expect you to communicate effectively?
She’s supposed to be helping you find work.
Try being more open next time and see how she reacts.

I really think she is making a bad job of getting you to say more than 'fine' - the question 'how are you' is more of 'hello' it's not really asking you to say exactly how you are. The answer is, 'very well, thankyou and how are you.' With close friends you can tell them that your world is ending but she's your coach and trying to get you to answer in the way you would at an interview or in the workplace. She's just not doing it very welll

You are not being polite. She asks after your health. You don't do similar in return. That's rude.

In fact I remember my father would run into people and they would say 'how do you do' and he would say ' thankyou, how do you do?' and then they'd all go along in their merry way - it's the modern thing of 'how do you do?'

Thanks deadgood, yes I feel she's being a bit like that but I just feel there's no need for it, I am very quiet it's just the way I am, also at the jobcentre you don't really tend to ask your advisor how they are?

Say ‘Great, thanks for asking’. She’s probably trying to prompt you to ask about her but don’t fall for it

When I see people I know, they say how are you and i say how are you back? I do know this .

Good grief, if she's trying to point out you're being short, rude, speaking quietly or anything like that why can't she use her big girl words and tell you that. I've got no patience for people like that.

I would return the “how are you?” to anyone who asked.
The job centre bit is irrelevant really - apart from the element of preparing you for work.

Who has actually been to the jobcentre on this thread, at my local one there's about three or four security guards on at any time, so they must have bigger issues to deal with.

“When I see people I know, they say how are you and i say how are you back?“
But you don’t feel it necessary to extend the same courtesy to someone you don’t “know”?

I'll be getting told to give her a good firm handshake next

It's the jobcentre! Not a nice place at all, forget it, some of you may as well be on a different planet.

what's wrong with a good firm handshake? It's a good way of greeting someone that you don't know very well.

Yes and people I don't know!

She's an adult like you are, she's not your teacher and you're not a child. It seems like she's trying to remind you that you have adult social obligations in a meeting interaction, and mustn't just mumble "Yeah fine" from under your fringe.

She wants the same greeting you would give an interviewer, who may also ask you how you are, and she doesn't want your response to ever be "Yeah fine"

So next time, good eye contact, big smile, and match the volume of her voice. No mumbling, it's infuriating and rude to mutter at people. I get that you're quiet naturally, but it's not appropriate in this situation to minimise social interaction just because you don't like it.

Planet middle class

I've been to the job centre many times. It's only polite to enquirer how people are when they ask. It's often nice for the advisors to have a chat with people, you'll get more from them if you make an effort. Plus it's good practice for making small talk at interview & training. Try taking a step back and read some of the responses here, people are trying to help you.

I#m unemployed and spend a lot of time at the job centre. I DO know. You're the problem here.