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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Lodger' stressing me out

279 replies

pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 15:50

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

OP posts:
TrojansAreSmegheads · 04/12/2017 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hisnamesblaine · 04/12/2017 15:53

Not fair. It's his hone too!

Katinkka · 04/12/2017 15:54

I don’t think you can expect him to stay in his room tbh. My sympathy though, he sounds like he doesn’t get boundaries - using your throw etc. And the eating! Ugh.

dowotmakesuhappy · 04/12/2017 15:54

Ask if him there is anything he needs in his room to make it more homely. Offer to get him a kettle and little fridge.

Trinity66 · 04/12/2017 15:55

If he's paying you rent then he's entitled to use your sitting room and kitchen though isn't he?

TheClacksAreDown · 04/12/2017 15:55

The word that leaps out from your post is “hoping”. It sounds like you’ve not spelt out your expectations. So you need to do o so. But don’t be surprised if you find what he thought he was signing up to different to what you thought.

RemainOptimistic · 04/12/2017 15:56

Have you ever lived in a house share before? Because that's what's to be expected if you get a lodger. Is his room big enough for his own kitchenette, sofa and TV? Either put them in or accept that you're being a bit daft really. Just serve him notice and find some other way to make a bit of extra cash.

Wellthatwasembarassing · 04/12/2017 15:56

Yanbu because he eats with his mouth open. Throw him out.

I really don't know if you are genuinely unreasonable here but my guess is sharing a house in any way shape or form probably isn't for you. I don't know how you would get out of it now as presumably he's signed some sort of contract?

WipsGlitter · 04/12/2017 15:56

See what don't really get what a "lodger" is! I rented out a room when I had my own house but the person was allowed in the sitting room!! Hearing him shagging his girlfriend in there was less fun but hey-ho.

Two others - one was lovely but she was really independent and did her own thing. Other one never left the house. Was glad when he left.

Sillyjelly · 04/12/2017 15:57

if the contract includes use of the living room you can't ask him to use it less.

I may be wrong but I always considered a lodger was like a housemate? Just a housemate who lives with the landlord.

However he has to be clean and considerate in either case so I'd have a word about the mugs and giving you space when requested (and you offering similar in return).

Or maybe you're just not cut out to have a lodger - in which case terminate and let him find somewhere he is welcome.

DesignedForLife · 04/12/2017 15:57

Unless you set out the terms from the start you're unfair. Any house I've lodged in there has been a welcome to use the lounge (though I tended to hide in my room).

BritInUS1 · 04/12/2017 15:57

YABU I think it's unreasonable to expect a lodger to stay in their room the whole time

No harm in having a chat though about why it's not working for you

WildBluebelles · 04/12/2017 15:57

Hmmm. The thing is that if you invite a lodger into your home, it becomes their home too. I don't think you can say to him that he cannot use your lounge and TV etc. I presume that you charge him the going rate (ie what he would be paying if he were housesharing with someone who was not the owner)?

It sounds like maybe shared living is not for you. Otherwise, try something like a Mon-Fri rental. My friend did that. The guy worked really long hours, he never saw him (just heard him leave at 7 am for work) and each month he got £500 in his bank account. He said it was perfect. Mon-Fri people already have a home so literally are just looking for somewhere to sleep during the week.

Original poster
pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 15:59

I've had lots of lodgers before, but none that stay in the sitting room all night long and none that are so gross when they eat. His room is big enough to live in as a space - it's the same size as the sitting room.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 04/12/2017 15:59

I think renting a room plus access to bathroom and kitchen is fine, but you should have specified this in advance. I don't think you can stop him using the living room now.

Using your throw is not on though, nor is leaving washing up on the side. You have every right to speak to him about these issues.

Is there somewhere else that he can eat apart from the living room? A dining room or a table in the kitchen? I think that if there is somewhere else you can ask him not to eat meals in the living room.

Or alternatively serve him notice and get another lodger and next time be absolutely clear about what is and is not allowed.

puddingpen · 04/12/2017 15:59

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me. Was this clear in the original terms/advert/contract, as I think most people would assume they have use of the sitting room? Perfectly fair if he doesn't (it's your house!) but it needs to be clear. Sit him down and explain the arrangement is not working for you 'as is', so he needs to stop using the sitting room or you will have to find another lodger. Be prepared for him to ask for a discount if he thinks he took the room under false assumptions, and consider in advance whether you would be happy with this.

theymademejoin · 04/12/2017 16:03

Depends on the terms you agreed. My ds is in university in a city with a serious housing shortage. When he was looking for accommodation, there were rooms to let that didn't even include use of the kitchen! Most allowed at least minimal access to the kitchen but no access to the sitting room. These were all rooms to rent with the landlord in situ and the price reflected the limitations. Where we live, nobody would avail of these as there is plenty of accommodation available.

In contrast, houseshares are advertised as that. So whether you are being unreasonable depends on what you advertised, what you discussed and what is normal where you live.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 04/12/2017 16:05

There was a great thread about lodgers a while back.
A lot of people were saying that in the contract they put that the sitting room is out of bounds. I think you just have to make it clear what he is getting for his money.
I'm not sure how you approach it now that he's moved in

drspouse · 04/12/2017 16:05

How is he supposed to know that he can use the sofa but not the cover on it? It's not like it's your clothes he's using!
Washing up is a must, but other than that YABVU.
You need to spell things out (and you are too late to spell out that he can't use the living room which is in itself VU).
Next time ask which day would be good for a date night when he'll be OUT.

Original poster
pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 16:05

I advertised for a lodger and the contract he signs states that he is paying for rent of a room only with full use of the kitchen.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/12/2017 16:06

Unless you rented the room to him on these conditions, you can’t do that, well you can but it’s going to make it very awkward and he will likely leave. I think you need to give him notice and find a new lodger under these conditions.

RestingGrinchFace · 04/12/2017 16:06

It's completely fair. He's a lodger not a roommate.

Rudgie47 · 04/12/2017 16:06

If your taking his money then he should be entitled to use the living room.Using your throw and eating like that with his mouth open are out though. If I were you I'd talk to him about whats expected and if he still behaves like that then give him his notice.
I think you will find it hard though to get a lodger who will just stay in their room all the time. It sounds to me like you want the money but you dont want them and it doesnt work like that.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2017 16:07

I advertised for a lodger and the contract he signs states that he is paying for rent of a room only with full use of the kitchen

This makes no sense. Does it speak to the living room, hallway, bathroom stairs etc?

Original poster
pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 16:07

The throw wasn't on the sofa - it was folded up and hidden in the corner of the room.

OP posts: