'Lodger' stressing me out

[pollyerrington]

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

I still don't think you can ban a lodger from the lounge though. It's shared accommodation

You can. It's not.

what is it about lodgers that is difficult?

Offer the room as a bed-sit?

Cant you just be more proactive in regards to the tele "i want to watch X at 8pm" or something like that rather than just waiting for him to offer to change it?

And make clearer rules about when you expect washing up to be done etc.

Dont know what you can do about eating with mouth open though. Do you eat your dinner in there? If not just tell him you dont normally allow food in the lounge so atleast you dont have to see it.

The OP needs to contact the C.A.B about this because people are very divided in their views and opinions on this.

Has anyone got a link to information that states that the lodger can be banned from certain rooms?

I think you should have made it clear at the start what rooms he was allowed to use. The cost should reflect this. However he does also sound pretty inconsiderate. Give him notice and try again, this time being clearer about the house rules. (washing up cups etc, not using your stuff)
You also do need to accept that a lodger will have some annoying habits though.

No it is not a choice for many bouquetdiva, it is a question of what many people can afford. They are sitting ducks for have a go landlords to take this piss with what they are entitled to given the cash they pay, and this kind of exploitation is widespread in London at least

Many people saying you can ban lodgers from the lounge etc.

How do people know this? Or are they just guessing and assuming?

I've been a lodger 3 times and I would assume I could use the living room now and again, but would not leave my stuff in there, or use someone else's blanket, or leave dirty cups around, or eat with my mouth open, or dictate what TV programme was on. I would also be tactful about them using their house in privacy at times. It's not the same as a house share.

Dangermouse you shared the link. Landlords can specify what parts of the accomodation that the lodgers can use.

I actually found lodging easier when it was clear which areas of the house I could use, and which ones I couldn't. If it was just my room, the kitchen and the bathroom that was fine. It was harder when it wasn't consistent. One of my landladies was supposedly happy for me to share the whole house, but then I was unwell an for that reason around more and she didn't like it because I was invading space.

Next time you interview a prospective lodger, interview him in a cafe and feed him a donut to put him through his paces.

Surely it depends on the terms of your agreement? What did you say the rent included? Use of kitchen, bathroom, lounge?

Oh dear. My dd had this. She fully accepted his use of the kitchen, bathroom etc because that was what he paid for. She got him a decent bed etc. What she hadn't bargained for were the differences in standards of living. He cooked his meals, left stuff smeared everywhere, grease, sauce etc and dirty pans so bad she had to throw them out. Basically she was offering a serviced apartment/room.

I wont go into details about the loo other than to say that copious amounts of domestos were required.

When he left, at short notice, my dd and her boyfriend went into his bedroom to find the mattress on the floor and lots of tissues everywhere. They had to redecorate.

She thought having a male lodger might avoid any fallings out as the other person who wanted to lodge was a very strident lady who my dd felt would be difficult to get along with. Oh well, you live and you learn.

By the way, he might want a date night as well. Could you put up with that?

The OP needs to contact the C.A.B about this because people are very divided in their views and opinions on this

People can have all the opinions, but all you need is the facts. Lodgers are excluded occupiers, they basically are guests in your home with almost no legal rights at all. They can use what you say they can, and you can evict them with no notice and no comeback.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging/what-rights-do-lodgers-have/
www.spareroom.co.uk/content/info-flatsharing/rights-for-renters-for-tenants-and-lodgers
www.gov.uk/government/publications/letting-rooms-in-your-home-a-guide-for-resident-landlords/letting-rooms-in-your-home-a-guide-for-resident-landlords#before-arranging-a-let--some-points-to-consider

Pengwwwn, you are exactly right. They charge for it then either expect the lodger to vacate at their convenience, or often try to pressure the lodger into not using the facilities at all.

OP- if the contract is clear then enforce it. I suspect the contract is unclear, hence the muddle.

Balderdash ! (lovely word !) "He lives there so he can use the rooms."No, he's paying for his room and access to kitchen bathroom.He hasn't negotiated a contract with permission to use all the rooms.
OP has the right to enter his room as its her house, "very strange if she didn't."
There are different rights and responsibilities with different levels of agreement.
Be clear what's on offer and be assertive.How much simpler life would be if we didn't flinch from asserting ourselves! It's not aggression, it's not unkind, it's not depriving someone else.It's being balanced, honest, clear in communication and objective .It's behaving fairly,to yourself and him.
He may find it a nuisance, you may find it uncomfortable, but it is fair.

@dangermouse7 - *Many people saying you can ban lodgers from the lounge etc.

How do people know this? Or are they just guessing and assuming?*

It's in the link you posted! It states they share SOME of your house, such as kitchen and bathroom. It's quite clear. If you were required to allow access to all areas it would have said that. You don't even have to allow access to the kitchen.

it's being balanced even! don't you just love phones?

I think some people are being really mean!

My mum did the Mon-Fri thing for her spare room and it was a lovely woman who just came home late after work, make her dinner and ate it in the kitchen and went to bed then got up early and went to work. She hardly saw her!

She then got a full time lodger who was nice a man but pretty much spent all his time in the living room, watching football on TV and leaving rubbish everywhere. Mon-Fri is probably more what you’re after as they’re just there for somewhere to sleep more than to live there if you get what i mean.

The thing is, i wonder if you have had a lodger before? Maybe you have and maybe not? If not, perhaps you are not really ready to share your home with someone else?

If someone is living under your roof, its really important that everyone knows the rules, that you are comfortable with eachother, trust eachother etc,that the person is house trained etc..

I have heard of plenty of people having nightmares with lodgers and equally im sure there are plenty who are a delight to have. Yours clearly doesnt fit with you.

Go Monday to Friday. I’ve had two now and they’ve been great. I’ve put sky tv in that room and they have an en suite and a small fridge/kettle/microwave and I hardly see them. In return I do their washing at the weekend and run the hoover round and charge a slightly cheaper rent.

Dangermouse

You have misunderstood the quote that you have pasted.

The lodger cannot exclude the home owner from any part of the house.

The lodger rents some of the house.

The home owner can exclude the lodger from whatever part of the house they like, as long as it is made clear and agreed beforehand.

When I was a lodger I wasn't allowed to use the sitting room. The only common rooms I had access to were kitchen and bath. It's completely reasonable to banish him from the living room. You need to assert your boundaries, OP.

Get rid.

Life is too short to have a lodger arrangement that doesn't work for you.

Next time when you advertise make is clear that they don't have use of the sitting room. You can do that, especially if you provide a chair and TV in the room.