'Lodger' stressing me out

[pollyerrington]

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

I’d go along the lines of “I’m sorru if I was unclear when you moved in but constant access to the sitting room isn’t included as part of your rent/tenancy etc and as part of it you need to clear all your washing up each day”. It sounds like he isn’t going to pick up on subtle hints and unfortunately if you didn’t include that on your advertisement he isn’t going to change what he’s doing. I’d be prepared that it might be a little awkward from now on though

I advertised for a lodger and the contract he signs states that he is paying for rent of a room only with full use of the kitchen.

Did you actually tell him when you were interviewing him for the room that he was not to use the sitting room? He may not even have read through the contract properly or just assumed he could use the sitting room (as most people would) unless it specifically says he couldn't

I think the problem is he's acting like a roomie not a lodger. You have to spell out what you want.

When I was a lodger I stayed in my room mostly when I was in. I wasn't expressly forbidden from the sitting room, but I preferred my own company with my own tv.

But how does the rent you charge compare to what he would be paying in a house share (where he would have access to the lounge etc)?

I had lodgers before I was married, they always shared the full house with me, I was living in a strange city and welcomed the friendship, not sure if I could have contained a lodger in the way you want to.

that's why a lodger pays less than a housemate.

Do they though? I know a few people who rent their spare room out and charge going rate for it. Never heard of anyone saying their lodger can't use the sitting room though.

I was a lodger for a while. It's quite an uncomfortable relationship with the house owner really. They kind of want the lodger to be seen and not heard, i.e. not to disrupt their lives but just pay their rent. (One of them was lovely, the other two were very difficult.) It was the push I needed to buy my own flat.

I've not said I don't want him using it at all - just less than he currently does. He's in it all the time he's in the house. And it makes me feel like I've become the lodger because I retreat to my room to avoid hearing him eat with his mouth open.

If you want a lodger to stay in their room, you say this at the outset and the rent needs to reflect this. I turned down a room when this was made clear when I looked round, no way I want to be stuck in one room. But if this is what you want, you need to make it clear. Otherwise of course they can use all the communal rooms. That is normal.

Honestly sounds like you just want the money with none of the actual inconvenience.

I think most people would assume they could use the sitting room unless you made it crystal clear (verbally, as well as in the contract)

Now you need to clarify that and ask him what he wants to do

Just give notice.

It's not going to get sorted - you've had lodgers before so you know - you have to feel comfortable, they have to be a good fit.

He's not a fit.

... I don't think you can be wishy washy about it. Either he uses the sitting room or he doesn't

x post - use it less than he currently does - YABU. You need to talk about things like taking turns deciding what is on TV, and him washing up his own dishes.

If your contract was clear about it being use of the room, the bathroom and the kitchen only, YANBU.

I think you need to have a conversation earlier or later, as talking about it will only get more awkward. Is your kitchen big enough for a table to eat on? Because when I've been a lodger, I only went into the living room by invitation, but felt free to hang out with the landlady (we got on very well) in the kitchen.

If this lodger doesn't work out - are you in a big city, bu any chance? Because what might work better for you is a weekday lodger - someone who needs to be in the city during the working week, but whose real home is elsewhere. That's the best of all worlds, someone there during the week, but who buggers off on a Friday afternoon and doesn't reappear until Sunday night.

And lodgers usually pay the same as a house share, unless you have lots of restrictive rules about what rooms they can and can not use.

^^This.

YANBU. Give him notice. I've had lodgers for almost two decades and would find this intolerable. Be very clear if you rent the room again, that you are renting a room with access to bathroom and kitchen, including washing machine, utensils etc. It is unfair if you don't make this explicit during viewings, or if you don't ensure their room has everything they need to be comfortable

Lodging is NOT the same as house-sharing. A house share would involve an equal split of bills etc (definition of 'share'), cleaning responsibilities etc. Most lodgers don't expect to pay council tax, water rates, gas, electricity, do a share of the cleaning etc. Their rent/access should reflect all of this.

Leaving his washing up is not acceptable. You are not his slave.

If I went for a house share, I'd assume I could use the sitting room. If I was a lodger, I'd assume my room and access to the kitchen bathroom were what I was paying for.

Sounds like hes doing the lodger version of manspreading - hes taking ownership of as much "unclaimed" space as possible in the hope he can keep it because you dont want to cause a fuss.

If the deal is his room and kitchen ONLY then you need to remind him of that and be firm about it, and the earlier the better. If he doesnt like it then offer him an early end to his contract if you want, but take ownership of the space back now.