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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Lodger' stressing me out

279 replies

pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 15:50

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

OP posts:
dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 17:24

YABU. Very.

From the C.A.B.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging/lodging/

A lodger is someone who lives with you as part of your household sharing some of your accommodation, such as the bathroom or kitchen. They may have their 'own' room, but they live in your home with your permission and don't have the right to exclude you from their room or any part of your home.

He has every right, (whether you like it or not,) to spent time in your lounge watching tv. A lodger is still a human being and a person, who is going to have habits and quirks (that may irk you!) but they are well within their rights to use your home as their own.

You are within your rights to be pissed off at him using your clothes, blankets, and throws etc, as that is a cheek, and you need to tell him, but he is quite entitled to treat your home as his own.

You will have to suck it up I'm afraid. Or give him notice, and advertise for another person and sublet the room to him, and make the room into a proper bedsit (couch, armchair, bed, mini cooker, mini-fridge, tv etc.)

You need to find out more from the C.A.B. or council. But when I had a bedsit in a house many years ago, (and 2 other women did too,) we had self contained bedsits, (own bed and living area and kitchenette, but a shared bathroom.) And the landlord had his own living area on the ground floor...

But with your situation, your lodger is doing no wrong, except using your fleece/throw! He shouldn't be doing that really.

WipsGlitter · 04/12/2017 17:25

Being a lodger sounds very depressing.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 17:27

@RainInSummer

I am getting a lodger after Christmas and they will not be using my living room unless specifically invited in to maybe watch a film. What the OP said about them hogging the TV etc is my main reason but I just don't want a near stranger in my relaxing space after work. This will be made clear before they decide to move in though. The will be paying rent to have use of certain rooms and the garden not the whole house.

You will probably need to re-think that, and look at the link I put above.

You have no right to forbid a lodger from using the lounge, or ANY part of the house.

bouquetdiva · 04/12/2017 17:28

A lodger is different from a housemate and the lodger agreement should set out which room they are entitled to use. My lodgers have use of their bedroom, their own bathroom, kitchen and dining rooms. The rest of the house is private. This has never been a problem. There are plenty of house shares around if someone wants a more communal way of living. I think you did not make it clear when he viewed the house and that is why it has now become an issue.

PuppyMonkey · 04/12/2017 17:29

I want to know how the date turned out. Grin

stitchglitched · 04/12/2017 17:31

Dangermouse I think you've misunderstood that link.

Booboobooboo84 · 04/12/2017 17:32

I think either you or I have misread that dangermouse. The way I read it the tenant isn’t allowed to prevent the landlord access not the other way round. Ie in a rental you can reasonably refuse landlord access in a lodging room you can’t. Happy to be told I’m wrong though

Whizbang · 04/12/2017 17:33

I really think several of the posters on this thread should find a different way to make extra money. Look back at the helpful guidance from CAB that Dangermouse posted and stop regarding lodgers as cash cows that you can milk for money by being so generous as to let them creep into their seedy little room in your house.

mantlepiece · 04/12/2017 17:33

No he doesn't have the right to sit in the oPs lounge! The OP has the right to enter his room though. It is her house.

Lodgers have very few rights.

He is treating this arrangement as a house share, it is not.

Whizbang · 04/12/2017 17:34

I also really wish local councils would take stronger action against those exploiting others in this way

Booboobooboo84 · 04/12/2017 17:37

I think you need to check the link whizzbang before you start criticising. The op hasn’t actually done or said anything wrong. She’s just renting a room and trying to find the best way it works for her.

theymademejoin · 04/12/2017 17:38

@dangermouse - A lodger is someone who lives with you as part of your household sharing some of your accommodation, such as the bathroom or kitchen.

I think you a missed key word in the information you posted. The lodger shares some of your accommodation, not all of it. You are well within your rights to limit access to certain areas of the house if you have a lodger.

MistressDeeCee · 04/12/2017 17:39

You need to give him Notice to leave. & once you've done that, advertise for a lodger again but make it clear you are renting room with access to amenities ie kitchen bathroom and toilet only. It's perfectly possible and I know lots of people who are lodgers in this way where room is within someone's home.

Don't listen to people who will imply that it's ok to displace you, and have you feeling uncomfortable in your own space, and that your lodger should have the run of the property. It does not work like that. If he wants sitting room also then the option is open to him to go and rent a flat as opposed to a room.

This happens too often with women who take on male lodgers. So many seem to be rendered unable to assert themselves over business arrangements. We can't all be assertive - but having a longer living under your roof often doesn't well with that.

If you can't be specific regarding what you are actually renting, and can't challenge re those specifics if breached, then you aren't ready to be a landlady, as it were. You are here where you will get loads of differing opinions, when really you should have had a word with your lodger long ago instead of allowing his ways to become entrenched.

He sat there throughout your date night = he doesn't even respect you or your privacy. How so? Give him Notice. Unless there's a particular reason you want him to stay.

londonrach · 04/12/2017 17:39

Yabu. He lives there so can use the rooms. Very strange if he didnt.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 17:40

Ooops, yeah I did misread that paragraph, Sorry!

I still don't think you can ban a lodger from the lounge though. It's shared accommodation.

As I said, best to contact the C.A.B.

CheeriosEverywhere · 04/12/2017 17:40

Yabu. He lives there so can use the rooms. Very strange if he didnt

You don't understand what a lodger is. It isn't strange, its standard.

theymademejoin · 04/12/2017 17:41

@Whizbang - I think if you read the link dangermouse posted, you will see the op is doing nothing wrong. Being a lodger is a very different thing to having a house share.

Booboobooboo84 · 04/12/2017 17:41

It’s only shared accommodation if it’s included in the contract which it isn’t.

Pengggwn · 04/12/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whizbang · 04/12/2017 17:42

Nah, sorry Booboo but this sort of nonsense re extracting cash from lodgers for substandard accommodation and/or unreasonable limitations is a well known abuse within our already warped housing market. You'll find no sympathy from me for those who exploit other in this way

Percephone · 04/12/2017 17:42

Dangermouse you've got it the wrong way around. The lodger cannot exclude the landlord from his room and he shares some of her accommodation, not all of it. She is perfectly entitled to have the lounge to herself if that's in the contract. Lodgers can be asked to leave at short notice and have very few rights. That is reflected in the rent they pay.

londonrach · 04/12/2017 17:42

Rainin summer... rethink your decision to get a lodger. See cab rules

bouquetdiva · 04/12/2017 17:44

seedy little room

Not the case at all. The room my lodger has is beautiful with its own brand new en-suite, TV, wi-fi and shared use of a fully equipped brand new kitchen. No-one forces a lodger to rent a room in a house, it is a choice.

theymademejoin · 04/12/2017 17:45

@dangermouse7 - it's only shared accommodation if the op decides it's shared. For a lodger, the norm would be use of the kitchen (may be limited use) and bathroom plus their own room.