How to tell MIL no?

[BornSinner]

More a WWYD but just posting for traffic.
DD is 3 months old. Shes EBF and with me all the time (as expected).
Everytime we see MIL she pushes taking DD for a few hours so we "can have some time to ourselves" or "to help with attachment issues".
Now don't get me wrong, I know she's genuinely trying to help and I'm sure when I'm ready for someone to babysit I'll be grateful for the offers. But seriously, everytime she says it I just smile and nod or say "well we'll let you know", but she's saying it so much its actually getting awkward now.
How can I politely tell her I'm not ready to leave DD with anyone? I want to just have a quick one liner that doesn't evoke conversation or invite her to start telling me about why it's important for DD to spend time with other people.
How can I make it clear without offending her?

NB - She does get easily offended by this kind of thing, unnecessarily.

I'm glad maternity leave is now a lot longer, with my eldest I left her after fourteen weeks and it was agony, physically and mentally, I still look back at that time and get really tearful about it.

I am thoroughly enjoying being home night and day with my new baby now, and reading these threads makes me so very thnakful I have a sane and understanding MIL.

What works for us is MIL comes over for lunch on the weekend and I leave her with DD and get on with cooking and we chat and enjoy eachothers company and she gets as much baby cuddles as she wants, without taking my baby away. Normally she comes over every other weekend or more if she fancies.

MIL has a nursery for DD at hers, I think its really lovely and amazing that my DD has a nanny who loves her so very much. I also love MIL for the fact she is not trying to force me to hand over DD, I'm sure she'd be brilliant with DD but it would be agony for me and DD to be apart, probably more for me.

I am greatful MIL is understanding. I'm also more likely to agree happily to MIL having DD when she's a little older, I can completely understand her excitement and eagerness to have DD to herself. But that does not override mine and DD's need to be together right now.

Your so lucky Fuzzy i would have loved to have had more help and still would. Mils BF is an amazing woman, there would have been no issues with her because she is a genuine caring kind person who would care for the baby.

OP, I remember your thread, and wondered if it was that MIL.

Looks like you're going to have to enforce boundaries for a long time.

I'm hoping your DH is stepping up for you, but he does need to realise there are no attachment issues going on, and that it's MIL's attempt at manipulation.

CotswoldStrife - I guess I wasn't responding specifically to the OP. By the time I got to the end of the thread the OP was a distant memory! It just seemed that so many posters were saying they had never left their babies with anyone at all (not even for 10 mins? when some of the babies mentioned were 7, 8 months old? Not going back through the thread to check, but this was the impression I came away with). It did genuinely surprise me and I thought I must be missing something.

Thinking of practicalities - I suppose now mat leave is so much longer that's not an issue. But I was rushed into hospital when my eldest was only a few months old - it did help me to know that I didn't have to worry about him being looked after properly (by my parents) because they'd had him before, and he knew them and was happy with them.

OP - I totally understand why you don't want to leave baby with MiL. Particularly now I know which other thread you are referring to.

not everyone has a massive family they can leave babies with - we are expats, no family here and no help, so ds has never been left with anyone.

Very few people I know live close enough to family to have them help out.

I didn't want to leave DS with anyone at that age. I left him with my sister for 2 hours while I had to nip into work but that's about it.

You are under no obligation to leave your baby with anyone. Quite frankly if they are pushing that much then they obviously don't care how you feel and not the best person for the job if you ever did need a break.

kaytee87 @Trillis no you're not bemused, you're being scornful of how some new mums feel.

I'm certainly not scornful and I'm sorry to anyone if it came across that way. And as I already said - I totally understand why OP doesn't want to leave baby with MiL - of course you have to trust people completely. But bemused was the right word for the way I feel about this thread, simply because the majority view was not at all my experience or that of almost anyone I know. Things seem to have changed a lot in a relatively short space of time. Will bow out now as I'm really not wanting to make anyone feel bad.

Oh god. Just seen your update. Don't give an inch she WILL take 10 yards.

Stick to your guns. Even when Dc is older it's not unusual to not let DC do overnights etc with batshit GPS and it certainly doesn't mean your DC miss out.

@Trillis fair enough it's just so frustrating when people can't understand that not all mums feel the same about their babies being away from them. Some mums genuinely don't want a break from their babies and some do - both feelings are perfectly fine.

Born - what happened re the access in hospital in the end? Did you call her out on it? I would be no contact by now!

trills maybe thirty years ago it was more common for people to be living near family? Nowadays pretty much everyone I know has moved away, often moved countries... the chances of having a family network around are smaller.

What is the worst that could happen if you said in a firm but kind tone.."I'm not ready to leave her yet, so please stop asking me." repeat, repeat, repeat. Followed by your OH backing you up with "Please stop asking". ...She might resent it, but she will have to see that both of you have clear boundaries. Most normal people would accept that. I wish I'd had MumNet when mine were babies... to help me stiffen my resolve. You allow a lot of access and visits, or you are not doing anything unreasonable. It's your baby, your decision, your time to be a mum and that comes first, other people's wishes and demands come a long way below that.