Father to be refused access to nhs classes

[Anditstartsagain]

I have a friend having her second baby she doesn't want to go to the classes on offer with the nhs but her dp does as this is his first baby. She works in a job in the city centre and getting time off is not easy he is self employed based from home so can easily attend.

Obviously given these circumstances they told the midwife he would attend without her and they were told no. When questioned she said that the classes were mainly for the mum and other mums to be may feel uncomfortable with an unaccompanied man (seriously). If she signs up he can come along.

He is furious I kind if agree that it's not really fair he misses out because she doesn't want to go and couldn't really get there anyway. I personally never bothered with the classes but feel all parents should have the option. What do you all think?

In my ante natal classes there was a lot of discussion about choices in labour etc and how the woman could manage the pain. I can't see that he'd get much out of that, surely the people running the classes know more than him?

I agree with him. I think its important for the sads to know what happens in the labour and what cam go wrong. They are in most cases the support network and need to keep their head in a middle of crisis.

Equally it would give them a bit of perspective of what their partner is going through.

I would hope the organisers would check the credentials of anyone there without a bump but apart from that i dont see the problem.

He can watch 'One Born Every Minute' for that or hey, read a book.
Labour isn't a misnomer. If it was enjoyable and pleasant than surely it would 'Happy Fun Baby Giant Vagina' time.

He is asking for time so he can embrace being a father

Oh what nonsense. He has the entire pregnancy to "embrace being a father^ by discussing it with and listening to his partner.

Back in the day when I had DS1, your partner was only allowed to go to the NHS classes if you were married (I wasn’t, so I went to antenatal classes on my own, which was crap as I appeared to be the only unmarried harlot in my group ). It would be fair enough to complain about not being allowed to go to the classes with your pregnant partner under those circumstances. These days we’ve got men who’re furious that they aren’t allowed to go to classes on their own.

Gybegirl: the NHS classes aren’t for prospective parents; they’re for the pregnant women who are the NHS’s patients. They allow partners to accompany the pregnant women to some classes.

If a man wants classes because he’s a prospective parent and his pregnant partner doesn’t want to go, then it’s reslly his tough luck. He can try to find (and probably pay for) dad-to-be classes.

He is asking for time so he can embrace being a father.

I suggest he sets his alarm to wake him every hour through the night.

That’s a good introduction

Thinking about it, I'm going to find a group for erectile dysfunction sufferers. Okay, I don't have a penis to become dysfunctional, but DH does! And while it might work perfectly well at the moment that might not always be the case, so if the worst happens I want to be informed and supportive. I'm sure all the NHS won't mind me taking up the place of an actual sufferer, and the men won't me scribbling notes while they talk about deeply intimate things that I'm never going to suffer from.

That is why I believe the issue is really between them both.

Saskia what if the sessions were for both you and your erectile dysfunctional husband but he refused to go. Would you want that support anyway?

Tiny. That was my first question at the classes. How the hell will I manage without sleep .

Of course! I mean I could find a group for the wives of sufferers, but why should I?

In my ante natal classes there was a lot of discussion about choices in labour etc and how the woman could manage the pain. I can't see that he'd get much out of that, surely the people running the classes know more than him?

When you're off your face with pain and fear, your partner is your best advocate. I would rather my advocate (be allowed to) do some factfinding first. If people are saying he can get that from a book, then why does anyone - male or female - bother with antenatal classes? Why don't we all get it from a book and give the poor overstretched NHS midwives a much-needed break?

Here's another question: if a couple sign up for antenatal classes together but the woman is unavoidably detained on the way to any given class, are you lot all saying that her partner should be made to wait outside til she arrives?

What about a lesbian couple? Does the non-pregnant partner get to attend? Is that OK because it's a 'women's thing'? Or is she a 'cunt' who's got no business being there?

What about the pp who's hoping to have a child with the help of a surrogate? People seem to think it's OK for her and her DH to go too. But what about a gay male couple conceiving with a surrogate? Are they 'cunts' too? Or are they OK because they're unlikely to be ogling the pregnant women as sex objects? Because that's why men go to antenatal classes, right?

I think some of you have a bit a lot more thinking growing up to do.

The classes are supposed to be for anyone who wants advice, support and guidance for the scariest moment of their life to date I would have no issue an unaccompanied man attending the NHS classes I did.

'What about the pp who's hoping to have a child with the help of a surrogate? People seem to think it's OK for her and her DH to go too'

People said she should go to classes for couples about babycare. No ne suggested NHS antenatal classes because they would be of no use to someone who isn't pregnant.

'The classes are supposed to be for anyone who wants advice, support and guidance for the scariest moment of their life to date I would have no issue an unaccompanied man attending the NHS classes I did.'

I'm sure the men in the erectile disfunction group will say the same when I turn up with my notebook!

But @MrsLupo the actual pregnant woman isn't bothered. If she wanted him to attend as support, she could do that. She clearly doesn't.

And no one wants to exclude ANY support partners, gay, lesbian, surrogate. As long as they are there as support for the actual birthing person. The one who is actually giving birth.

And people have given links to parenting classes, fathers' resources and so on. He can access those.

I was really nervous about childbirth before I got pregnant. I wouldn't have dreamt of pitching up at an antenatal class to work through it. Because I wasn't pregnant!

If she chooses a home birth, is he going to go to labour ward instead of her when it all kicks off so he gets the full experience? Perhaps he can sit in the birthing pool.

Actually I only went to two ant natal classes and they were totally ruined by the male partner of one of the women who basically took over both sessions and somehow managed to make it all about him. In fact the poor midwife taking the class had to say on several occasions 'this really isn't about you. It's about your wife and baby' but he was so think skinned he just wouldn't shut up.

I was praying for him to get banned but it didn't seem to happen so I just gave up and bought a book instead!

As the person giving birth I just wanted some practical advice. I don't think they're really worthwhile for anyone not actually giving birth of either gender. The only reason I can see a non pregnant person going to an antenatal class is to support their pregnant partner.

@SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed No, they did not. They suggested babycare classes instead or as well. Lots of people also said they didn't see why she and/or her DH wouldn't be welcome. Some added the caveat that the surrogate's feelings should be paramount. Disagree with me by all means but don't pretend to speak for everyone.

@MrsTerryPratchett I take your point, but the OP's friend, like every pregnant women, can have no idea of how this birth is actually going to go. If she ends up needing an advocate, he will do a better job for her if he's had the opportunity to inform himself. I see no reason why his keenness to fulfil this role, if needed, should be dismissed as wrongheaded (by MNetters who don't even know him) just because she doesn't currently see the need for it. People don't always think of every eventuality, which is why it can be good to have others in your life looking out for you. (Isn't that what partners are for, in fact?) I agree that the couple ideally need to do some talking, though.

But whatever happens in this particular case, I've got to say I'm still shocked and genuinely really confused by all the nastiness on this thread towards a guy whose only crime is wanting to be an involved father.

These are antenatal classes for the mother and a birth partner is welcome to attend. They are not parenting classes!