To think my weight is no ones buisness but my own

[portolodn]

I'm obese and happy with it but other people seem to have an issue with it. I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes. But I'm very happy with my life and my body. Other people are now dropping huge suggestions on things I should change and stop doing. Surely it's my choice what I do with my life and people should just worry about themselves?

I forgot to mention my Mothers kidneys, she is a hairs width from needing dialysis and her liver is in distress (likely due to cirrhosis from obesity, I didn't even realise that was possible! My Mum has taken to hiding how serious her health is now, as she doesn't want to worry me)

My fil has uncontrolled type 2 diabetes - literally eats and drinks whatever he likes - and has done for 10 years. He has mental health issues so mil doesn’t want to rock the boat so it just continues. Unfortunately he has young grandchildren who he almost certainly won’t live to see grow up. We don’t say anything any more as it falls on deaf ears and tbh I think they are both totally ignorant of the consequences - is this what you would prefer op? It’s well in your ‘control’ to fix you just need to change your lifestyle.

I imagine OP thought posters would tell her that it's her business, because' in the main, mumsnetters tend to supportive of those with weight issues. I assume she thought she'd get a pat on the back and told they were bullies and it's her body. Sorry, op, people are not trying to be cruel, but trying to make you wake up and recognise the dangers. I really hope you can take control and help yourself. Life is unpredictable and none of us know what life holds, health ways, but you have a chance to prevent a serious illness, rather than deal with the damage that can be caused by becoming diabetic. Good luck.

I completely agree, people should butt out. Being pressured into making lifestyle changes is a way to ensure they won't stick. Any and all changes you make need to come from you. You have to want to, you have to pick what to change and how. People just love to put in their 2cents. Does my head in too OP. I've never understood why people feel they have a right to an opinion about your weight/appearance/health. It's yours not theirs.

It's like i've gotten lectured about my weight in the past from people who are smokers or very heavy drinkers. They don't like it when you turn it back round on them.

Only you get an opinion everyone else should back off and stfu!

Because diabetes is a serious condition that will severely impact upon your quality of life. Not to mention the cost to the NHS which can easily be avoided.

OP you are absolutely right. Your body. Your weight. Your business. However if you confide about your health problems to friends you should expect them to respond with care and advice. It is now your right to ignore them. Beware though. Sometimes stubborn refusal to take advice about making changes is not because you are right, it is because you are scared. Change is hard and getting control of a lifestyle that could prevent diabetes is hard. Maybe you could think about whether the advice you have been given could be helpful. Your choice.

I'm interested in what you think is an appropriate response to someone telling you they have a preventable and potentially serious health issue.

"I'm so happy you are comfortable with yourself,"
"It's nice you've told me but it's none of my business,"
"I'm so proud you are owning your health decisions,"

it makes no sense that you are "confiding" yet wanting people who care about you to keep out of it. If a heavy smoker you loved told you they were developing emphysema, what would you say?

Sorry sarahjconnor but you're way out on your figures by quite a few billion.

fullfact.org/news/how-much-does-obesity-cost-nhs/

I understand how horrible it is to have people comment on your weight.
I am not talking about vile comments from strangers, they come into a catagory of their own.
I mean well meaning ones from people who love you. Even kindly meant it must be hard to hear them.
But why is weight such a no no? If my DC was obese I would get more stick for being worried about it than if they were smoking, drinking or dabbling in recreational drugs.

If I started a thread on MN saying 'AIBU to be worried about my 35 year old DD because she is 23 stone' I can guarantee I would be flamed and accused of giving her an ED.
If I started a thread saying 'AIBU to not be fussed that my DD does skunk every day and drinks a fair bit, I am sure she will sort herself out and she isn't ill yet' I would be equally flamed for being uncaring and irresponsible.

Take out any legal aspect of the argument and you have comparable situations. Both involve lack of self care and indulging in risky, unhealthy behaviour.

If we can't talk about it without being accused of hating 'fat' people I don't know how we are going to tackle it.

Also in reference to your diabetes costs. It was just under £10b.

www.england.nhs.uk/rightcare/wp-content/uploads/sites/40/2016/08/act-for-diabetes-31-01.pdf

As PP have said its all our business as obesity drains the NHS of resource and mean increased waiting lists and cut backs in other areas. Everyone has a responsibility to try and live as healthy a life as possible or else take out private healthcare and don't impact on others chances for treatment of unavoidable health conditions.

Thank you Damson, the saddest part is that it was all preventable.
My parents claimed they were happy, my Mum claimed she didn't have the willpower that I did.

If we can't talk about it without being accused of hating 'fat' people I don't know how we are going to tackle it.

Of course you can talk about it without being accused of hating fat people.
For some reason, fat people are fair game, smokers put a huge strain on the NHS, so do alcoholics, so do drug users, but for some reason fat people 'have brought it on themselves and deserve everything they get'.

My DD was an overweight child for a year. Not because I took her to KFC every day for her tea (fucking hate that place) but she was on a shitload of steroids to keep her out of hospital. At one point she was rushed in by paramedics on blues & twos four times within eight weeks. The docs knew what steroids did but it was a catch 22 situation (asthmatic). We finally weaned her off them with the consultants say so, by doing no more than introducing a bit more fruit and veg and when she was able to, more exercise in the form of play. The weight fell off her without her even realising.

But when you have posters telling the OP she's a drain on the NHS, it's not productive in the slightest. How about instead of some posters lecturing the OP about how much 'people like her' cost the NHS, we focus on suggesting ways she can start helping herself?

I don't think we have a responsibility to anyone other than ourselves for our weight. Having a public healthcare system does not take away our fundamental freedom to live as we want.

But I often wonder when people proclaim they are happy with being big, whether they actually are. Its denial.

I've had similar where people close to me have told me I'm depressed and I was telling them there was nothing wrong with me. Looking back, they were right.

People around you are right to give you advice. If it is unwelcome and you are happy, tell them you have heard them and you don't want them to mention it again. If you genuinely were happy, people's comments wouldn't bother you.

I understand you saying that it's nobody else's business and them telling you to do something about it isn't going to make you, you need to do it for yourself. But they say it because they care, they can see the problems you might end up with and they don't want that to happen. You need to find the motivation within yourself to do something about it but sharing stories, knowing that people care might help you find that motivation.

My husband is diabetic. He was never a good diabetic and didn't take it seriously. He is now in a wheelchair. Two years ago his middle toe started going black on his right foot. He now has no toes on his right foot, his left leg has been amputated above the knee, he's had a stroke, heart failure, kidney failure and is registered partly sighted. He has injections in his eyes every month to try and stop them getting any worse. He lives in his wheelchair and as long as I keep everything in reach for him, he can manage and we are grateful that it's not a lot worse considering everything he has been through. I work full time and I am his career - I don't have much life if my own. I'd that what you want for your family?

Caledonian my brother sounds like your mum. Eating himself to death and leaving a trail of distraught children in his wake.

*Carer, not career!

There are lots of other things I could mention about our life but I think that's enough. Please think about your lifestyle and find that motivation from somewhere.

kentparent do you seriously believe that they're the reason for the cutbacks in your area and not the fact the Tory Government cut the services to the bone? Seriously?

For some reason, fat people are fair game, smokers put a huge strain on the NHS, so do alcoholics, so do drug users, but for some reason fat people 'have brought it on themselves and deserve everything they get'

That simply isn't true though. I don't think that but you just used that chesnut to try and shut me down.

In fact you have illustrated my point perfectly.
You reached for the 'fat people are fair game and everyone else gets a free pass' card.
Its not true. In this climate very few people give a damn about addicts. Services are being cut all over the place.

Its so impossible to talk about it that if an underweight person starts a thread on MN the thread gets derailed with posts saying 'oh stop moaning you should think yourself lucky people call you a skinny cow'

I GET why people are defensive. That doesn't mean that everyone hates fat people.

The OP isn't on Steroids JonSnow

JonSnow that sounds tough for your dd, but irrelevant to the OP.

If they're good friends, I think it's good of them to try to help you. If they're acquaintances, they shouldn't say anything unless your weight directly affects them.

I do find it very, very difficult to bite my tongue when obese people insist on having air con on in a cold place and making everyone else freeze. That's about the only time their weight has an impact on me and I find it unfair. I can cope with having a bit less space on the bus.